(Closed) No Gift From Groom's Brother???

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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SherryBlossom78:  haha ha please go argue with someone else! 

Post # 18
Member
1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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Soon_To_Be_Mrs_T:  4 of my siblings and 2 of DH’s that attended our wedding did not get us gifts or cards. I honestly didn’t notice untill writing thank you notes. I guess I never thought twice about it. There were probably about 15-20 people at our 120 person wedding who didn’t get us anything. I didn’t realize it was such a no-no until coming on here, so I didn’t have the chance to be offended I guess. We were just happy to have them there.

Post # 19
Member
512 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Get you husband to say something. My sister and her husband are 5 years older than us, definitely make over 6 figures (he just bougth a porsche, whoopdeedoo lol), and if they never gave me anything for me wedding, for sure I would say something. Family is different than just a regular old guest, and I truly believe that someones financial situation does change the circumstances to mention or “expect” something. I would feel a little put off like you are with giving to their kids all the time! Not everyone is going to agree with you (or me) on this, but whatever. You know your family better than we do, and you make the call! But I don’t think it should be dropped… That being said, those who make more money tend to be the least generous 🙂 (i’m sure i’ve read studies on it somewhere and i speak from experience with friends/family for sure!) good luck!

Post # 20
Member
398 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Norton Country Club

Have you asked your DH if he thinks it’s “off”? In our family, it would be totally normal that my siblings didn’t give a card/gift. I’m not saying that’s the way it is for everyone, but maybe that’s what he and his brother think is normal.

I’d try to focus on the fact that they came and celebrated wiht you.  The fact that you’re usually close to your SIL (from your follow-up) leads me to think it was just an oversight or a non-issue to them, definitely nothing vindictive.  It’s ok to be hurt- you can’t control some feelings- but maybe it would help to focus on your happy, newlywed life with a Brother-In-Law & SIL (and their kids) who you seem to love! 🙂

Post # 21
Member
4234 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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Soon_To_Be_Mrs_T:  Many are going to tell you to “let it go” or “stop counting other people’s money” as referenced in the first comment, and while I don’t believe there’s much you can do now, I still agree with you that what they did was kind of rude. I would never imagine going to someone’s wedding and not bringing SOMETHING: a card with a note, a gift, a card with some cash, etc. If the wife from this couple posted on the Bee and said they weren’t bringing a gift for any reason, an overwhelming amount of Bees would have responded that they should have at least brought a card with a note. So no, do they “owe you” anything? No. But are their actions tacky as all hell? Yup. No matter how you roll the dice, it’s in poor taste to arrive at a wedding with nothing, even a card. Add in the fact that this is your husband’s brother? Real classy. 

Post # 22
Member
2890 posts
Sugar bee

It sucks because you would have liked some sort of token acknowledgement (at least a card), but they were there when you got married and ultimately, it’s all that matters. 

Edit : I just read the answer where you state your SIL has disclosed information about their income and house costs. Be careful with that. Many people who act this way are in debt up to their arse, but they like to tell others about what they owe in order to impress them. Don’t let that fool you, it really doesn’t mean anything. And if they indeed are so well-off that they could afford to give you a card, it just shows they’re even more rude for not giving you one. 

Post # 23
Member
9561 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

 

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Soon_To_Be_Mrs_T:  you just got married last month.  some people give gifts a few months after the fact.  my best girls, who threw my bridal shower, got me shower gifts, etc. did an amazing bach party for me, etc  i wasn’t expecting wedding gifts on top of that.  then about 4 months after my wedding a package came and i had a huge gift from them.

i would say we got about 10 gifts after the 3 months mark.

Post # 24
Member
36 posts
Newbee

My future bil has a mental illness.  We’ll never expect a gift from him or others invited to the wedding.  In fact, we’re asking people to not get us anything.  Perspective and entitlement makes true colors shine through.  

Post # 25
Member
9876 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

My brother was the best man and didn’t give us anything. He was also a turd during the wedding (changed his clothes, left early etc). My mom told me she even went online to our registry while he was at her house and told him to buy something, and he couldn’t even be bothered to spend 2 minutes on that. Oh well. We gave him a nice check for his wedding this summer so I hope he feels as least a twinge of guilt for being such a douche bag.

Post # 26
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

One of the PPs told you to get your husband to confront them about it…uh, definitely do not do that. That would be WAY more rude than them not giving you a gift.

My uncle didn’t send my brother a gift until months after his wedding and it was a Kitchenaid mixer. He hasn’t sent one for ours yet either but I am not sweating it.

We had a few guests that didn’t give us gifts, some in my husband’s family. I get being miffed or whatever but it will feel so much better to just let it go.

Post # 27
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Definitely do not have DH confront them about it! Can you just imagine? “Err, so where’s my gift?” lol

I understand that you have been generous with them and their children, and when they can’t even reciprocate with a card, it feels like “a slap in the face.” I wouldn’t dwell on it, though. It’s just that now you know what kind of people they are. Moving on. Besides, maybe they might still surprise you and there’s a gift or a card in the mail, like other PP have mentioned.

Post # 28
Member
1521 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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Soon_To_Be_Mrs_T:  My new Brother-In-Law is a total deadbeat.  He was in the wedding, only because he is DH’s brother, and we had to pay for his tux, he freaked out and started having an anxiety attack because he saw a cop outside when we were taking pictures (who was hired security for our wedding!) which resulted in him having an axiety attack during our ceremony, sweating through his tux, and ruining any picture of our ceremony that has him in it.  Oh, and then I got to field all the questions from family afterwards about what was wrong with him.  He left our wedding early and hid a few pieces of his tux that we had to track down because he was worried about sweating in them.  And you can bet he didn’t get us anything.

So, you could have it much much worse with your new Brother-In-Law.  Let it go.

Post # 29
Member
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I wouldn’t worry about it. We didn’t get gifts from several people, including my brother. I don’t hold it against them. I was just glad they came and celebrated with us. 

Post # 30
Member
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

It was rude & it definitely sucks, but it sounds like these people are going to be in your lives for the better part of forever so I would try not to harp on this & move on for the sake of the relationship [your BIL/SIL, not you/your husband ..that sounded confusing haha].

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