(Closed) No gift from Groom’s parents

posted 7 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m confused.  They paid for rehearsal dinner and you want more than that from them?  To me, that would be their wedding gift.  (It’d be great if my FI’s parents offered even that much.)  I get frustration they offered to pay for alcohol for the reception and backed out inconveniently last minute, but it would have been a good idea to have talked expectations before relying on their promise.

Post # 4
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I am not expecting anything from his mom or my parents (his mom is paying for Rehearsal Dinner and mine for reception food/drink)

but, totally sucks that they backed out on paying for drinks. 🙁

Post # 5
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Woah….that’s awkward about the bar.

I would consider the rehearsal dinner their gift.  My inlaws were surprised that my parents didn’t give us a wedding gift, but they had no idea how much money my parents gave us for the wedding.  The wedding was their gift and my inlaws would probably be shocked if they knew how much they gifted us.  

I wouldn’t be upset about the “lack of gift” but would be upset about the situation with the bar…what does your husband think?

 

Post # 7
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You got a Rehearsal Dinner paid for? LUCKY.

Post # 8
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

You’d think that since they backed out of paying for the booze that they would have given you a gift. (And I’ll admit, I’m one of ‘those people’ that would expect a gift anyways, unless it was made clear that their contribution(s) towards the wedding was their gift — I mean, they’re the groom’s family!) Have they run into some sort of financial trouble lately, perhaps? Did the Rehearsal Dinner go over budget?

At least they got you a card, right? (Silver lining?)

ETA: Just want to make clear that I don’t think that it’s expected or necessary for parents to finance their children’s wedding(s) — but my point of view is that if relatives do offer to help, unless it’s specifically mentioned that it’s their wedding gift, then it’s kind of a surplus gift. It’s very nice, of course, and nothing to be scoffed at. But I guess I just see it as strange that the parents of the groom wouldn’t even cough up a couple towels or a coffee maker, especially when they backed out of their commitment to pay for the alcohol.

Also, given the MIL’s recent treatment of the OP, I’d guess that something’s up. Maybe they have experienced a big financial whallop; maybe they expected some more conversation surrounding alcohol for the wedding; maybe it’s some tiny thing the OP’s forgotten about. Who knows? OP, maybe your Darling Husband can ask them?

Post # 9
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think backing out of a financial committment is definitely rude.

After they pulled that stunt, I wouldn’t be expecting a gift from them either.

Post # 10
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@CountryBee: Before ANY of the alcohol was purchased we made a list and when presented the rough estimate to his parents just flat out said its too much.

I know it sucks to hear this now, but I think this would have been the time to ask them about it.  If they told you that was too expensive, didn’t really agree to pay for any of it (no “ok we’ll pay half” comments), then you probably should have had a backup plan to pay for it.  Why would you assume they’d pay half if they didn’t offer that?  It’s an arbitrary figure, when you think about it.  My read of the situation is that they vaguely offered, but didn’t follow through with specifics or full agreement so…that means they didn’t back out at the last minute, they communicated in advance they wouldn’t pay.  A backup plan would have avoided the need for a bailout from your parents.

Post # 12
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

You are not alone, I would have been disappointed if it was me.

Post # 13
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m one who thinks a contribution toward the wedding (or rehearsal) is gift enough.  I mean they could give you the money instead of contributing if you’d prefer an actual gift. 

Did they decide they couldn’t afford the alcohol and the rehearsal dinner?

Post # 14
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I think its strange, not that the rehearsal dinner was their gift, but that 

1) They didnt somehow let you know it was their gift as opposed to “traditional roles”

2) There wasnt a token something else as a gift, no matter how small. 

I do think there are different rules for parents and wedding gifts. I do think something should be given, no matter how small, as a token gift even if they are paying for all of it, a piece of it etc.  Heck, even a cute christmas ornament to commemorate the event.

Post # 15
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@lefeymw:  True.  My mom still bought shower gifts for me and made us both an embroidered wedding announcement.  

Post # 16
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Very weird. The part about offering to pay for alcohol and backing out is awkward and tacky… but what’s done is done and even if you never figure out their reasoning, I’d try to let it go!

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