Post # 1
We planned our at home wedding around my mothers trip back home. We had 50 friends and relatives for a sit down catered dinner in our 900 sf. great room. Everything was lovely. My husband and I happily paid for everything ourselves so our marriage would not begin with debt.
We wanted to genuinely surprise my mom, so we told her it would be an engagement party, but on the day of the wedding, we told her that it was really going to be a wedding.
All we asked her to do was to walk 25 feet to the Justice of the Peace, ahead of me, the bride, which she did. Then we excahnged vows.
After she returned home, she sent us an empty wedding card. There was nothing inside, no gift, nada, zippo….I was floored by her cheapness. Am I correct to feel this way? I was also very hurt and I still am. I think it was reprehensible. She offered no excuse and I never said anything.
Post # 3
I didn’t get anything from my mom both times I was married, and I honestly wasn’t expecting anything. Of course, a lot of this had to do with her financial situation. If she was wallowing in money, I might have felt differently.
Post # 4
@nedelcu: I could understand being annoyed at an ordinary guest, but not your own mother. This is the woman who I’m guessing devoted 20 years of her life raising you. She doesn’t owe you a gift. She was happy for you at your wedding and sent you a congratulations card after. Be happy for that.
Post # 5
I get feeling hurt but there aren’t many details here about your relationship with your mom or her financial situation. I’m not saying she couldn’t have done something inexpensive but thoughtful, but there aren’t many details here. Selfish is selfish, but perhaps it’s also something else.
Post # 6
Obviously I don’t know your mother, but do you think maybe she was upset that she didn’t know it was a wedding? She lost out on helping plan and all of that? Did everyone else there know it was a wedding?
Post # 7
@nedelcu: Do you think that maybe she was upset about not knowing you were getting married? Or maybe that she wasn’t included in the planning? (Obviously I have no idea, just offering up suggestions.)
Post # 8
you’re not supposed to EXPECT gifts, no matter who the person is.
Post # 9
@CoCoCourtney: I posted just about the exact thing you did, just 8 seconds later haha 🙂
Post # 10
Is it possible that, since the wedding was a surprise to her, she didn’t have a gift (monetary or otherwise) prepared?
Post # 11
Was she maybe upset about the surprise? She could have wanted to be more involved if she knew the party was going to be more than just an engagement party.
Post # 12
I’m in the “You should never EXPECT gifts” boat.
Your mother raised you into a fine young woman. She was there to witness your marriage. A lot of people don’t have their mothers around to do that. I’d be thankful she was there and healthy enough to see it.
Money and things are just things. Your mother is your mother.
Never expect gifts, and you won’t be disappointed.
Post # 13
@nedelcu: was giving birth to you not enough?
Post # 14
I think that her feelings may have been hurt.
I would be really upset if my children did this to me. Just think about how this may have made her feel.
Post # 15
My mom didn’t get me anything either. She didn’t help with wedding planning, or really involve herself much at all. Honestly, it wasn’t a shock to me bc she doesn’t have the money. Truly, she doesn’t. A card at the very least would have been nice, but I wasn’t expecting any money.
Try not to let it get to you. I’d just be happy she didn’t get upset right then and there that you didn’t tell her ahead of time.
And btw, maybe since she didn’t know about it ahead of time, she didn’t have the time to save money to give you (or for a gift, whichever). I know for me, I have to plan for stuff like that. It can be expensive.
Post # 16
My mom was indeed upset that she didn’t know ahead of time, but she also wasn’t the type who would’ve helped me plan or pay for the wedding. She remarried when I was 9 and moved away, leaving me to be raised by my father. We had a distant relationship & I rarely heard from her or saw her, even though I wanted to. Maybe I made a mistake by not telling her I was getting married, but in my heart, I genuinely wanted to surprise her because I was so proud of the man I was marrying. He is very talented, so it’s not like I was marrying a slouch. He already owned a nice home in a prominent town, but we were still a young couple starting off, who couldn’t afford a fancy church wedding. My mother never gave my brother or sister wedding gifts either, even though she could’ve afforded to. They are always traveling so I guess they needed the money for that.