(Closed) No gift from Mom

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I didn’t get anything from my mom both times I was married, and I honestly wasn’t expecting anything.  Of course, a lot of this had to do with her financial situation.  If she was wallowing in money, I might have felt differently.

Post # 4
Member
7739 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@nedelcu:  I could understand being annoyed at an ordinary guest, but not your own mother. This is the woman who I’m guessing devoted 20 years of her life raising you. She doesn’t owe you a gift.  She was happy for you at your wedding and sent you a congratulations card after. Be happy for that.

Post # 5
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I get feeling hurt but there aren’t many details here about your relationship with your mom or her financial situation. I’m not saying she couldn’t have done something inexpensive but thoughtful, but there aren’t many details here. Selfish is selfish, but perhaps it’s also something else. 

Post # 6
Member
491 posts
Helper bee

Obviously I don’t know your mother, but do you think maybe she was upset that she didn’t know it was a wedding? She lost out on helping plan and all of that?  Did everyone else there know it was a wedding?

 

Post # 7
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee

@nedelcu:  Do you think that maybe she was upset about not knowing you were getting married? Or maybe that she wasn’t included in the planning? (Obviously I have no idea, just offering up suggestions.)

Post # 8
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

you’re not supposed to EXPECT gifts, no matter who the person is.

Post # 9
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee

@CoCoCourtney:  I posted just about the exact thing you did, just 8 seconds later haha 🙂 

Post # 10
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Is it possible that, since the wedding was a surprise to her, she didn’t have a gift (monetary or otherwise) prepared?

 

Post # 11
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Was she maybe upset about the surprise? She could have wanted to be more involved if she knew the party was going to be more than just an engagement party. 

Post # 12
Member
9082 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m in the “You should never EXPECT gifts” boat.

 

Your mother raised you into a fine young woman. She was there to witness your marriage. A lot of people don’t have their mothers around to do that. I’d be thankful she was there and healthy enough to see it.

 

Money and things are just things. Your mother is your mother.

 

Never expect gifts, and you won’t be disappointed.

 

Post # 13
Member
5191 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@nedelcu:  was giving birth to you not enough? 

Post # 14
Member
2952 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1998

I think that her feelings may have been hurt.

I would be really upset if my children did this to me. Just think about how this may have made her feel. 

Post # 15
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My mom didn’t get me anything either. She didn’t help with wedding planning, or really involve herself much at all. Honestly, it wasn’t a shock to me bc she doesn’t have the money. Truly, she doesn’t. A card at the very least would have been nice, but I wasn’t expecting any money. 

Try not to let it get to you. I’d just be happy she didn’t get upset right then and there that you didn’t tell her ahead of time. 

And btw, maybe since she didn’t know about it ahead of time, she didn’t have the time to save money to give you (or for a gift, whichever). I know for me, I have to plan for stuff like that. It can be expensive. 

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