(Closed) No gift – Invited and Attended

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Perhaps she has something in mind within the year to give to you.  Send her a thanks for coming card. If she never gives a gift, that’s the way it is. Nothing to talk about. 

Post # 4
6890 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Here is the thing, there is no rule that says you have to give a gift/money to a bride and groom. Sure it is nice but should not be expected. 

Post # 5
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t think there’s really a way to say anything without being rude/looking gift grabby. Do you have mutual friends? Can you mention it to one of your other friends, and maybe they can mention it to her? I know how you feel though, we didn’t get gifts or even cards from two or three people–one of whom was my bridesmaid!!

Post # 6
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

There’s no polite way to approach her about it.  We had a few gifts that straggled in late, and a couple of people who attended that did not give us a gift.  There’s not much you can do.  

Post # 7
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Keep in mind the etiquette is that you have a year to send a gift.

Post # 8
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I hear you on this!  I got married in August and didn’t get a gift from a couple whose wedding I have tomorrow – I ended up getting them something but I didn’t want to! They had to travel for my wedding and vise versa.

There isn’t really a way to approach it unfortunatley.

Post # 9
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

We had a bunch of people attend our wedding and not give a gift. Some of them were from Out of Town, others were local. But I feel like attending the wedding is actually the equivalent of giving a card, I always get so confused why people say “They didn’t even give us a card!” unless you mean stuffed with a check.

There’s not much you can do without looking gift grabby. Even if you honestly thought they bought you a gift and it just got lost, you can’t say anything. You have to wait for them to ask if you received it, then you can say “Oh no we didn’t, what did you send?”

Post # 10
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Gift giving, while usually expected, is not required. It is a nice gesture but by no means are the guests required to give a gift. Keep that in mind.

Post # 11
2865 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Don’t say anything to her about it. It’s unfortunate that she didn’t reciprocate your generocity but you can’t really say anything to her. Sometimes we give and we don’t get in return. Gifts should never be expected.

Post # 12
5282 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Yeah, don’t mention anything. We had a chunk of our guests not give gifts (personally I never though anyone would attend a wedding w/o a gift at all) but being on this site and based on my own experience, it happens at almost every wedding, and is actually common.

Post # 13
1955 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

I JUST got a gift for my wedding…which was 10 months ago!! And it was from a (notoriously late and flaky) bridesmaid…It might just be she hasn’t gotten to it yet!

I also have some good friends who have not given gifts and I would be shocked if they did…Some people just don’t see the gift as an essential item (sadly 🙂 )

Post # 14
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I will fully admit that I’m flaky when it comes to wedding gifts.  I always give money but sometimes I forget to buy the card ahead of time to bring to the reception.  Therefore, I usually have to mail it.  And yes, it does take me forever to mail things.  I can’t explain why.  Unfortunately, that’s just how I operate.  I’ve been known to give wedding gifts 5-6 months late b/c it just slips my mind. 

So yes, while it’s true that no one is required to give a gift like PP’s have said, she could just be flaky like me. 

Which reminds me, yes Lola, if you read this post, your gift’s still coming!!!

Post # 15
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013


I’d just be pleased they came and shared in my wedding day. 🙂

Post # 16
3323 posts
Sugar bee

I woudn’t say anthing.  You aren’t entitled to a gift.  The fact that you hosted her generously means that you are a good host, but she isn’t required to give you anything other then her well wishes on your day.  The gift isn’t an admission price to attend. 

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