Post # 1
Member
6 posts
Newbee
I realize that there are several posts already addressing this issue so mine is more a vent than anything. So we are dealing with the reality that my the majority (5 couples) of my husbands friends from college (all of which have remained in close contact over the year and all of which had out of town, out of state and out of country (e.g. south america) weddings which we attended and brought a gift to) didn’t even bother to give us a gift for our wedding. Did I mention that this includes the best man and another groomsman? Did I also make a note that all 5 couples are double income and in most cases include at least one doctor (in some cases both the husband and wife are MDs). I know that the economy is tough all around but these same people continue to travel internationally for vacations, go on weekend getaways, attend sold-out concerts, eat at the chefs table, collect wine, etc…and also send us invitations to their kids birthdays (yes, please bring present).
I realize that a gift is not required but I think that it’s insulting that these people couldn’t even muster enough energy to buy a card. The next event that the group will be at is in a few days and I’m now having difficulty being around these people (it probably helps that they were originally my husband’s friends so I feel entitled to be ticked off at them on husband’s behalf because he doesn’t deserve this kind of treatment).
Any with the same issue? How did you move past this kind of insensitivity?
p.s. apologies if this meets the WeddingBee criteria for “snarkiness”
Post # 3
Member
4479 posts
Honey bee
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I know you’re going to get a lot of “gifts are not required” responses, so I just wanted to chime in with “I’m there with you” (in thinking that they may not be required, but it’s rude anyway). It sucks. I am pissed on your behalf.
Post # 4
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
Of course gifts aren’t required….but I believe recognition for being included in such a special even IS. As in, bring a card or something at least, geez. I feel you!
Post # 5
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
LOL!!! We had 9 BMs and 8 GMs. Only 3 people gave us gifts. About 20% of the guests showed up sans gift and sans card…I mean very well to do people. My hubby’s MENTOR didnt bother to bring a card. What can you do? I definitely understand your frustration, but your wedding was earlier this month and they may have had your gifts shipped. I just generally think that it doesnt occur to men to bring gifts. And the girlfriends/wives may have assumed their boyfriends took care of it. I know I have been to several events with hubby, assuming he sent the gift, only to find out later – to my great embarassment – that he did not (even though I HARASSED him about it! which is a whole different post)
I hate to one up you on the snarkiness, but after people dont being gifts to memorable events, I stop taking gifts to their events. I mean, why should i buy your kid christmas gifts and you RSVPd to my shower and then didnt show up. Petty much? I know…but Im offended and you have every right to be also. Just dont say anything to anyone about it. Vent on WB. I vented to a couple of friends and all the details got back to the people I was gossiping about.
Post # 6
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
Do people think they have a year to give a gift?
If you only got married this month, maybe they think they have a year to send it.
Just a thought. I don’t agree with that philosophy (just like you don’t really have a year to send thank you notes, you should send them ASAP).
Post # 7
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
we had so many people not give us either, which I guess is surprising. honestly I think most people mean to get around to it and I bet a few just end up forgetting. Try not to let it fester or it will interfere with your relationships which would be a real shame!
Post # 8
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
I’m kind of dreading this myself. Our wedding is in 12 days and yes, we did the unthinkable. We registered for CASH (we really don’t need home goods). I’m sure those who feel it’s against their duty as capitolistic Americans not to give you something from the Macy’s Wedding registry, will just give us NOTHING because they are cheap. It sucks. You have every right to be a little bitter.
Post # 9
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
I’ve been in two weddings in the past two weeks and can honestly say that sometimes there is soooo much going on that you either don’t have the time, it slips your mind, or you forget it at the house.
Unfortunately, sometimes that means putting it off inevitably. But I agree – if you were important enough for someone to ask to be a part of your wedding (or attend) then it would mean a lot to have something.
Post # 10
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
On the flip-side, less THANK YOUs you’ll have to write.
Post # 11
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
That’s totally rude…and frustrating.
But don’t feel too bad. We paid for my mother in law, her husband and her son to go to our wedding (we had a destination wedding) from the bay area and you know what we got? NOTHING!!!!!!! No card, no nothing.
Post # 12
Member
6 posts
Newbee
Thank you for all your kind posts 
Although I acknowlege that people have some amount of time after the wedding to give a gift/card I suspect that if a person can’t motivate before the wedding when it’s fresher in their mind it’s unlikely that they will manage to remember weeks and months later. I’ll keep you posted if I’m pleasantly surprised.
p.s. All of the thank you notes will be going out this weekend so that is the upside…
Post # 13
Member
6 posts
Newbee
Girlie – that is really awful! Everyone has a random piece of paper and pen that can be used for a thoughtful note – which is what I cross my fingers that the best man and groomsman will do for my husband
Post # 14
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
That stinks. When I’m frustrated over something like that I make sure to send a thank you. It makes me feel a little better inside to write a “Thank you for coming” note knowing that at least I took the time to do that. Maybe it’ll give them a kick in the butt on that wedding card.
Just a thought!
Post # 15
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
one other thought = one of my husband’s groomsmen didn’t send a card or a gift – but that was apparently because he wanted to think up a really great gift, and it ended up just taking awhile. Same with my Maid/Matron of Honor. Honestly it didn’t bother me at all because these people had done so much already to just be in our wedding and there was no doubt in my mind what great friends they were! I know it isn’t hard to send a card , but then again, its so easy to think you are going to do it and then, well, just forget. And guys especially just don’t think about this stuff, I would try not to focus on it too much!
Post # 16
Member
567 posts
Busy bee
ugh i can’t understand that type of behavior. i was pleasantly surprised…had my engagement party this past sunday and every single one of my fiance’s college aged buddies brought us a gift or money (though we never expected it!!). how do people in their early 20s have more sense to not show up empty handed to an e-party, but MDs can’t manage to bring something to a wedding??
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