(Closed) No gift, no card, really?!?

posted 11 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 17
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

It’s totally rude. We had a good amount of people do this to us, too. One of my hubby’s Groomsmen (and like best friend) said that we must still be getting gifts huh? And I said “I don’t know…” (Awkward b/c they didn’t give us anything!) and he said, well, we still didn’t get you anything, so you must not be done.” I didn’t know what to say. I think some people really do go by the 1-year policy, which I think is odd. And I also had some friends- one of my BEST friends in fact- not give us anything. Not even a card. I never in a million years would have thought that would happen. Then there are the people who promise you your presents and never send them. Also very odd. People are strange!! 

The place I can relate most to you in terms of frustration though is in having recently given them gifts. Not that you have to be exact with things, but we have been to about 10-15 of our friends weddings in the past few years, given gifts on time at all of them, and not to mention I have been to like 6 baby showers in the past year. At our shower, 4 of the women whose baby shower I have been to and spent $75-$100 at EACH got together and gave us a pot. Yeah, it was about $150 or so, but divided by 4 that is only $37 each. Not to mention it being a joint gift just seemed like no one put any effort into it but the one who purchased it. I was just shocked that I’d been so generous and then they did that. How is that okay? I wish I had some great advice but all I can say is I feel your pain!! 

 

Post # 18
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yes, I know people will give you the gifts aren’t required bit… but people, at least bring a card! I mean c’mon. Even for those who aren’t in a financial position to bring any gift at all, they should express their sentiment in a card. Fiance and I sent a card expressing our well wishes to his cousin who he barely knows and never sees who invited us to her wedding (which we were later told through the grapevine, was mainly to get a gift out of everybody she could regardless of whether or not her parents could afford to pay for all of those people to attend). Sorry that they didn’t bother to send gifts! That is certainly crummy! Did your husband say anything about it to you? Is he upset? I wonder how differently he will treat them after that. We shall see…

-Bella 

Post # 19
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

And ya know…on a single parent teachers salary with no child support…I make an effort to give SOMETHING-very modest usually, but it is thoughtful and I take the time to do it. Not to be rude or crass here, but I think some people are just lazy (and cheap!) My favorite really modest gift to give is a Yankee Candle. At my most absolute broke point, they are around $20-30 and smell lovely.

Post # 20
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Yes- it’s the thought that counts. And no card even means no thought. That’s what is most irritating – and what irritated me most about the people who split their gift- only the one person bought the card- signed all their names- and picked out the gift. On the heels of having just given them a gift yourself, that you picked out with care, it’s extra irritating. Also I forgot to mention we had a lot of people get us very inexpensive items- a children’s book about love, for example- and those were equally great. It’s just rude to be a guest and do nada. 

Post # 21
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Wow, I am in the same boat.  We got married a week ago and had an amazing time and are so grateful to everyone who came and added joy to our day.  But…going through my list I am so surprised to see the people who have not given us gifts or cards.  One of my MOH’s, two of my bridesmaids…two of his groomsmen…I totally understand with one of them because she is struggling financially so I do not expect anything.  But my Maid/Matron of Honor and her husband are doing very well I am shocked that she did not get me a gift.  Not to mention that two of my bridesmaids who did not give me gifts did not reimburse me the $375 for their bridesmaid dresses.  Sigh.  I totally can’t ask now.  I’ll just have to eat it!  

I guess I’m just surprised.  I figured that people would at least get you a card or give you a check for $25 or something…but nothing?  It’s tough.  I just feel like…it’s so rude!  Anyway I feel your pain.  It’s difficult, especially when you see other guests who are not necessarily in great financial shape being very generous.  But like several people said, it’s important not to let this stuff fester…but it should be a hoot to write some of these people thank you cards…especially people who just attended and were not in the bridal party and did not give gifts.  I guess you just thank them for being there, which is fine.  But I think you all know what I mean. :o)

Post # 22
Member
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Wow I’d feel the same way! Since I turned 18 I have never showed up at a wedding without at least a card and a check. Even when it was a family wedding I was attending with my parents and I was a broke college student… I STILL mustered up $20 to give. That’s just nuts. 

Post # 23
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Yeah, I definitely feel you.  And it’s NOT AT ALL about the gift itself, but the lack thought and respect and what that “lack of gift” represents (at least in my mind).

We were just married less than a month ago.  We got 6 1/2 gifts TOTAL.  Yeah…..really.  I say 6 1/2 because I still have a hard time counting one of them as a gift.  A really good couple friend of ours didn’t send a gift prior to the wedding, came to the wedding empty handed, wined and dined themselves at 2 receptions (we had an afternoon wedding reception and a later dinner reception) and THEN…….late that evening as we were heading back to our hotel, they came up to us on the street with a gift shop purchase stuffed into a brown paper bag……literally, a brown paper bag.  My husband suggested that the husband probably felt bad because they hadn’t given us anything and figured that they should pop into the gift shop across the street from where we were staying.  I mean, c’mon.  I don’t want to sound snarky, but these are people that we spare no expense for, socialize with often, and they’re better off financially than we are!  And again, it’s not really about the gift, but that we are thought of with such little regard.

Post # 24
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

That would really piss me off. Correction, that WILL really piss me off because I know that this is going to happen to us. My friends all think the “you have a year” rule is true and are just generally inconsiderate when it comes to this kind of stuff. Clearly they were nover taught proper etiquette – not just wedding-related, either. So aggravating. I’m going to keep an extra special eye out for the ones whose weddings I’ve gone to who I got gifts for – and always before the wedding, mind you.

And IMO, honestly, I think a gift is required. I might take s**t for that but I don’t care. I would never attend a wedding without giving a gift – however small. I just think it’s rude to attend an event where you are being fed and boozed and not give anything in return for that hospitality, not to mention to wish the couple well in their new life together.

Post # 25
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

My brother and his wife got gifts 3 months after the wedding so maybe they’ll come through.  If not that totally stinks when you’ve gone out of your way for them through the years.  I probably would quit bringing gifts to their events especially if once you have kids and they don’t do for you again!

Post # 26
Member
25 posts
Newbee

I’m sorry, that is never fun to just be completely unacknowledged like that.  No gift is one thing, but no well wishes either!  Hmph!  On the other hand, one time Fiance was a groomsman in a wedding and we completely left the gift and card at home  (The wedding was out of town).  We didn’t have their address so couldn’t get in touch with them until they were back from their honeymoon, so by the time we managed to send them their gift and card it had probably been three weeks!  So it could still be coming 🙂

Post # 27
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m hoping they just forgot.  A card is not too hard to do, I know gifts aren’t required but c’mon people!  Sorry to hear that.  Hopefully none of them read your post Wink!

Post # 28
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Glad to hear I am not alone in this!  Hubby thinks I am crazy for lamenting over not even getting a card from at least a quarter of our guests (including 1 Bridesmaid or Best Man, 2Groomsmen AND the best man!)  Yes, no gifts are required but a card is thoughtful.  I know old school says guests have up to a year to give a gift but another friend who was married 3 weeks before us just shared with me that her registry consultant said that people will buy gifts the week of the wedding and the week after and then pretty much nothing…and I have to be honest, that’s the pattern I’ve seen.  We have received two to three gifts since the wedding and it’s tapered off. 

I just think a card would be nice (and thoughtful), that’s all! 

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