(Closed) No gift or card from my boss???

posted 13 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Imperia Hotel (modern chic hotel)

That is way wrong. No gift, no card! Wow. I didn’t think that could still happen now a days… and to tops things off hes your boss.

I don’t know what I would do in your situation.
Maybe sort of slip in a word and say….I might have misplaced your card. ok maybe thats wrong… but just say something like you didnt get his card… but not so literal.

Im sorry im no help

Post # 4
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2021 - Auberge du Soleil

That stinks! We had a few guests who did not give gifts and when we did our thank you cards we still sent them a thank you for coming to the wedding. After our thank you cards went out a few people who never sent gifts sent them then. I think it was a nice way to remind them since they will be suprised to recieve a thank you without giving a gift and if there is any confusion about the gift they can discuss it at home when the card only thanks them for coming and not for a gift.

It is a sticky situation for sure… Good luck!

Post # 5
380 posts
Helper bee

as rude as it is of your boss to show up at your wedding and not provide any sort of gift or card or warm wishes, there is no gracious way to confront or ask about it.  especially since this person is your boss!  do you think it’s possible that he meant to combine it with a holiday gift?  does he normally give individual holiday gifts for each employee?  

i would just send a thank you card that said "thank you for attending the wedding – sorry you had to leave early but hope you both enjoyed yourselves".  hopefully, he will notice that you didn’t thank him for any gift or card and if he did send something, he will come ask you about whether or not you received it yet.

Post # 6
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2021

It was very rude of him to behave that way and not give a gift or card, but it would be even more rude of you to confront him on it. Remember, guests are in no way obligated to give gifts, its just a gesture most of us couldn’t imagine skipping.

Pinotnoir’s suggestion is a very tactful way to draw attention to it without actually bringing it up. 

Post # 7
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I agree with Pinotnoir as well!

Post # 8
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

Your boss is rude and tacky and unfortunately you have no control over that. Try Pinotnoir’s suggestion, although there’s no guarantee you will recieve a gift even then.  Your boss seems like he attended out of obligation and his behavior definately indicates that because they made no effort to mingle, did not bring a gift, and didn’t even bother to say goodbye to the bride and groom or wish you well before they left.  With all of that said, I’m not sure that I would say anything or even inquire with the secretary.  It sucks (especially since you must be a good employee after 4 years for someone so demanding) but you might just have to chock this one up to no etiquette and no gift and try not to take it too personally.

Post # 10
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2005 - Westside Loft, New York

I’d still write him a thank you for attending the wedding.

I’m guilty of sending gifts late in the past, so it could be that you haven’t received the gift yet?  

Post # 11
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’d definitely advise against snooping around with the secretaries to find out why they didn’t get you a gift. It will most likely come off as more greedy and snarky than hurt, and you wouldn’t want it to get back to him if he’s as awful as you say (which it inevitably would).

Is your boss not the type who mingles and has fun at events, or was his behavior out of character for your wedding? If he’s not the partying type, I’d just consider his behavior at your wedding to be par for the course and move on. You can’t change someone like that. If it’s not normal behavior, then he might have felt obligated to come and uncomfortable if he didn’t know anyone else there. 

None of that excuses being a rude guest, of course. I’d agree with the other posters and say you should write a gracious thank you to him for coming. If he doesn’t give a gift, realize that he might just be a jerk, and let it go. 

Good luck!

Post # 12
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

Definitly do NOT ask anyone about his lack of gift. While it was rude of him not to bring anything, it is not your place to inquire. The best thing to do would be to send him a thank you card thanking him for attending your wedding. If he accidentally forgot to bring your gift it will hint him that you did not recieve a gift. If he intended on not bringing a gift then it will show that you are the better person 🙂

Post # 13
2 posts
  • Wedding: September 2009

I hope you invited him to your wedding because he is an important person in your life and you wanted him to share in a very special day with you, and not because you wanted another gift/card.  Send a Thank You for attending, and he will do what he sees fit.

Post # 14
37 posts
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would definitely agree with the other posters, write a thank you for attending the wedding and then maybe he’ll feel comfortable sending a gift.  I’m sure it was just a misunderstanding and hopefully he wasn’t rude enough to think he could attend without giving at least a card! 

Post # 15
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’m not sure I agree that not bringing a gift is rude.  I do always give gifts, but every wedding I’ve been to has something on the website about not expecting gifts.  I know for my wedding many people will incur a fair bit of expense to travel.  I honestly don’t expect gifts from anyone (though I know many/most will bring them).  I guess somehow it just doesn’t strike me as rude not to give one (though no card or verbal congratulations is going a bit far).

Post # 16
1485 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Definately do not ask.  There is no way to say "Hey, glad you showed up at the wedding, and by the way, why didn’t you get me a preset?" without sounding really rude.  We also had some people who didn’t give a gift or card, and I have no idea why.  (One of them is a good friend of my husband, and a pretty wealthy guy.)

Do definately send a thank you card, letting them know that you appreciated them being there to celebrate the occasion with you.   If in fact there was a gift that was somehow misrouted, this will be his clue that you never received it.

As to his behavior – do you socialize with him and his wife at any other time?  Were any of your guests people that he would have known socially before the wedding?  If not, maybe they stayed off to the side and left early just because they didn’t know anyone.  Or it’s entirely possible that he thinks it would be inappropriate to let loose and really have fun, when after all your relationship is primarily professional.  Not knowing your boss or your relationship, it’s hard to say. (It’s also possible that the issue is his wife.  Where I work, we do socialize a certain amount with our boss.  However, his wife realy never joins us.  I honestly think she doesn’t much like any of us, and feels threatened by at least some of us.) 

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