(Closed) No Gift or Card Given At Wedding

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
144 posts
Blushing bee

A couple of thoughts –

*Some people wait until the couple is back from the honeymoon to give presents.  They know thieves watch the wedding announcement page in the newspaper.


*I think you are going through a sort of post-partum “party’s over” let down.  I love Holiday parties so I throw my own cocktail party in early Feb when everyone is bored with winter and no fun social events to attend.


*Some people are far more broke than you think.  The wedding dinner you gave them may have been the best meal they had in many months.

You might say that you know these people and they are fine.  Lots of people are making ends meet with credit cards for things like groceries and dental bills while putting on a brave face.

My degree is in psychology.  I have been hearing thru the grapevine that thousands of people in the US have committed suicide this year because of financial failure. 

The families cover it up out of love for the victim and the desire to protect the family’s reputation and privacy.

I know one fellow who seriously considered suicide last winter then help came very unexpectedly so he didn’t lose his house and the few pennies left in his bank account.  It will take a few years to pay off his CCs, though.  (He is kind and frugal so the problems truly are due to the economy.)

Things are far more ugly out there than you think.  It’s hard to remember that when we are happy and in love.


Enjoy your new DH and life as a wife!

Post # 18
1963 posts
Buzzing bee

Give them time, but honestly, I think maybe no expectation of a gift from the wedding party members or from the reader.  They may have thought that their presence in the wedding was present enough.  As a bmaid I always give as generously as my purse allows but different strokes for different folks.

I do understand your frustration, a card that says “Congratulations on your wedding” costs 99 cents.  I really don’t think there is much excuse for not getting a card (especially if there is no check or gift forthcoming).

Post # 20
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m glad to see you’re not stressing. There were lots of people who didn’t give us gifts. Yes, it’s a letdown, but they probably have their reasons and I was a little giddy with the sudden influx of stuff.  I’m not counting, but I’d estimate at least 15-20%. I would still give them gifts when the time comes, though, and no – I did not send thank you notes. I think the reception and favors were thanks enough, as well as a heartfelt “so glad you are here today.”

Post # 21
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

you just pointed out that your bridesmaid didn’t get you a gift? i’d say that her standing up there with you supporting you on and before your big day is quite a gift, am i wrong? unless you paid for all of her expenses as a bridesmaid, i’d say you’re a bit out of line to get upset over this. being a bridesmaid is rarely cheap. she should definitely get a thank you card.

Post # 23
5493 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

I would send a thank you note to those in the bridal party thanking them for their support and help through out the whole planning process and on the day of.

I wouldn’t send a thank you card to the other ones.  Thank you cards are for thanking for a gift.  Your thank you for people’s precense was feeding them and liquoring them up.

Post # 24
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010


oops…i read that and assumed they paid for everything other than $30 worth of shoes and jewelry. i guess i was just still puzzled as to why you would even mention that your bridesmaid didn’t get you a card or gift. maybe we don’t know all the facts…she could have been a bridesmaidzilla for all we know? i guess don’t give her a gift or a card when she gets married if it makes you feel that much better.

Post # 25
1963 posts
Buzzing bee

She included the bmaid because I asked who didn’t give her anything.  I still stand by my opinion that the bmaid could have dropped a card to say congrats!

Post # 27
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I think that focusing on things like this has the unfortunate side effect of making you unhappy.  Several of my bridesmaids didn’t get what you would consider a gift.  But they showed up and stood there with me and calmed my nerves.  I consider that more than enough.

Also, we’re a month and a half out and we got a present yesterday.  So out of the 10 guests you are talking about now, I would suspect that half of them will get you something.

Maybe it will help you refocus if you concentrate on the fact that the real gift, and the real purpose of your whole wedding was that you are now married to the best person in the world for you.  The more you think about not getting stuff, the worse you’ll make yourself feel.  But you have control over what you want to dwell on, and it might be helpful if you shifted your attentions elsewhere.


Post # 28
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

i understand your frustration.  about 1/4 of our guests did not bring gifts (or cards).  none of the GMs or BMs gave gifts, but they traveled and paid for their own dresses, shoes, hair…so I wasnt expecting a gift from them.  It was wierd from everyone else though.  Especially the recently married or those planning a wedding.  i only sent thank you cards to people that sent a gift.  i did not thank people for coming, that was why i paid for them to eat and drink.  in general, dont let it upset you too much.  some people are just not going to give you a gift, for whatever reason.  especially the younger people…

the whole 1 year thing is unlikely to happen.  if you dont see gifts in the next 3 months, you probably wont.  just vent on WB and let it go. I know I vented to some people outside of WB and they were mortified I was miffed about not receiving gifts.

Post # 30
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

We got a check last week for our mid-June wedding and somebody who RSVPd and was a no-show gave a gift to my Mother-In-Law to give us like, barely 2 weeks ago.

Post # 31
164 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t think you are out of line at all in your thinking!

Prior to my wedding, I would see posts like this and think to myself things that have been said above, such as their presence is gift enough, you should never expect a gift, etc.

Then, I got married, and a good handful of guests still have yet to send even a congratulatory card. I had a beautiful wedding, and I of course am thrilled that they were there to celebrate with us – but I cannot deny feeling a bit put off and surprised. Now that I am on the other side of things, it has really hit me that I am a bit hurt that they would not even acknowledge their congratulations and appreciation in a card or gift. True, they could be running late with things, but we have to admit that the further we get from the wedding day, the slimmer the chance of receiving a belated card.

As you send – it certainly doesn’t keep me up at night, but I think no matter how nice each of us is about it and doesn’t want to say it out loud – we expected something!

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