(Closed) No Gift or Card Given At Wedding

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
4479 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

You don’t need to write a thank you note to thank people for coming. Feeding them dinner (etc.) is the thank you for attending.

Maybe it’s cultural, but I don’t understand the “presence is present” sentiment… I totally understand why you’re annoyed. It’s rude to show up to someone else’s party empty-handed, and I don’t know why that should be any different for a wedding.

Post # 33
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I often send the gift way after the wedding.  I like to follow up with the bride later and see what she really wanted but didn’t get, then I buy that.  But I have almost never bought a gift in time for the wedding or even a week later.  Perhaps my manners aren’t the best, but this is just to say that I agree with many other posters:  don’t get upset yet!Tongue out

Post # 34
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I don’t know that I would send a thank you card if a gift hasn’t come but I wouldn’t hold it against them either.  Some people just send gifts after the wedding or then if you wait it might end up slipping their mind.  I think usually cards accompany gifts, I would have a hard time imagining someone just writing a congratulations card, especially if they came to your wedding and congratulated you or at least celebrated with you there. 

Post # 35
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Also, I am going to put this out there, even though I am not entirely comfortable with the decision:  last year my fiance and I went to a wedding in a remote town across the country.  Because the place was near no major airports, it cost a fortune to get there:  our airfare alone was $1,600 for the two of us, much less all the other costs.  We didn’t get the couple a present, because we were just feeling totally strapped for cash by the end of it.  We did send them a card on their one year anniversary last month.

Post # 36
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee

I wouldnt send a thank you card, but would keep in mind that they may send a gift later.  We still have gifts being mailed and its been over 2 months since our wedding.  You dont know their financial situtation, maybe they could not afford a gift at the moment and wanted to wait until they could.  Plus some people realize its actually a hassle to bring gifts to the wedding and want to mail it instead.  You could get a nice surprise soon in the mail 🙂

Post # 37
Member
1220 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Honestly, I would not expect to see a present from any of my BM’s aside from if they got me something at my shower.  Things are expensive and them being there is enough for me.

Post # 38
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009 - Eastside Catholic Chapel and Lake Union Cafe

I wouldn’t worry about it.  We had about 20 people not give us gifts.  We were told by a few that we could expect a gift on the 364th day. 🙂  We just got a gift yesterday and got married a month ago.

Post # 39
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I was married 2 weeks ago and have had some thank you cards made (a post card made with a picture of  hubby and i holding a large Thank You poster from the wedding day). Im just about to start writing them, but came across a dilemma…

Ive been reading this interesting discussion for ideas – how / am  i supposed to thank people who didnt even give a card? We said no gifts were necessary. but if they wanted to, they could contribute to the wishing well at the reception. So Im not complaining about lack of gifts – just lack of cards!

25/90 guests didnt even give a card (bridal party/ hubby’s boss + wife, relos, friends). So i totally understand @AugBride2009! A lot of them are aged between 20-35. We asked for no gifts, and expect no gifts (there is no habit of sending belated gifts here in Sydney). It would just be nice to know people appreciated being invited/sharing our special day. And a card would have been sufficient!!

 

Post # 40
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I say you should send them a thank you card saying how much you appreciate them coming.  Other than it just being polite, and like you said, how hard is it to jot something down? I’ve heard of a few instances of people saying “didn’t you get my gift?  I sent it to your house!” after they were only thanked for coming and not their gift.  Or if they have a present but haven’t gotten around to sending it yet it might prompt them to drop it in the mail.  Whatever you decide to do though, just make sure they’re sincere thank yous.  

Post # 41
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Would it be wrong to send a thank you note along the lines of it was wonderful to see you on our special day, we hope you enjoyed our meal, event, etc. and then perhaps follow that up with something along the lines of we have a few gifts that we do not know who they came from because a card is not attached – please let us know if one of these gifts is yours as we would like to propertly thank those individuals. 

That way it indicates you have no record of a gift from them (even though it’s a bit sneaky).  If they did give a gift, they should be able to tell you what it was and if they didn’t, they will know that you know they didn’t and perhaps remedy the situation.

Post # 42
Member
3282 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I wrote thank you’s to everyone; from those who attended and gave wonderful gifts, to those who attended and brought nothing, to those who didn’t even bother to RSVP back – just because.  I think it’s your call =)

Post # 43
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

Hmm, did you see thread on here where people were mentioning that if you can’t afford a good gift it makes better sense not to give anything?  I think a lot of people both those who give and recieve think that just a congratulatory card won’t be appreciated and that’s why they didn’t give you one.  Many people don’t see the point of cards and don’t care about recieving them. 

I’m currently so worried about everyone having a good time and looking/acting happy and it being a good succesful party that if everyone behaves themselves and is social I’m going to be most relieved and happiest person on earth.  Seriously no gifts needed, just be nice to me on the day!  (Okay, I’ll be thrilled to get gifts but it’s not the lack of gifts that is stressing me.)  So maybe remember how well everyone behaved and enjoyed themselves?  Because that is pretty awesome.

Post # 44
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

My co-workers gave me a shower at work so co-workers that attended the wedding didn’t bring a gift since they already gave one at the shower.  Maybe guys don’t know to give a gift at the wedding but if they have a girlfriend or wife, she should know.

Post # 45
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Two things:

First, I always buy gifts from the registry online and have them sent and often I don’t remember to do this until the day of the wedding so they take a little while to arritve.

Second, my BF received one wine glass as a gift!  That’s almost worse that no gift at all; it’s was a like a slap in the face! (Background: the guy’s brother is practically a billionaire so he does pretty well himself and this was a “Platinum Wedding.”) Some people…

Post # 46
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

It sucks, but no matter what birthday party or any other party i’ve had before , i’ve always sent thank you’s out just to thank them for celebrating with me

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