No gift received, how to handle?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 61
Member
1009 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: The Retreat at Bradley\'s Pond

gatsbyaffair :  Amen! Everyone spent money whether if it was in the form of a “gift” or their presence which required money/travel/time off of work… or just attending other events instead- they made that day/weekend about YOU. 

You can never be too gracious in this world thanking people for their time and celebration. We even received thank you notes from our bridal party for everything we did for them and honestly- it made it worth all the hard work we did to make them feel special…not something they felt entitled to. 

It’s not about making guests feel pressured into anything- it’s about recognizing their efforts in making your special day really wonderful. Heck, we send thank you cards when we stay at friends houses out of town (saving us hundreds of dollars), for birthday gifts, when they have gone truly out of their way for something… and I’ve never once heard anyone complain. In fact, we’ve had friends compliment us that a hand written card these days are so fun to get and they love it. 

Post # 62
Member
9123 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

a11ieny :  you JUST got married.  i didn’t receive some wedding gifts until 3 months after my wedding.  let it go.

some people give gifts, some do not.  a gift is NOT required.

Post # 63
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I’ve received thank you notes from weddings and it made me feel special that the bride and groom put the time into my particular card. There was one wedding that I attened for a friend, flew down, rented a room and brought a pretty good gift (I think) and recieved no thank you or mention of the gift via fb/text/anything. Felt a bit snubbed by that to be honest.  

From other posts I’ve read over time, no one has to attend your wedding and no one has to bring a gift, they come because they care about you and sometimes spend a pretty penny for your happiness. I think a thank you card for attending would be a nice thing to do and maybe waiting a bit before you send it just in case they forgot their gift. Focus on the other thank you cards for now. 

I have seen thank you note etiquette in every bridal magazine and all over the web so I’m not sure how anyone has ever been able to truely say they have never heard of them before.

Post # 64
Member
76 posts
Worker bee

I had this happen at our wedding. There was a couple that didn’t give us a gift….and that was totally okay. However, it seemed odd that they wouldn’t give one or a card. We didn’t want to NOT send a card, just in case they thought they left a card or if they forgot. I worded the tahnk you card something like this, “Thank you so much for coming to our wedding. We loved getting to visit with you both and we hope you had an amazing time.”  

Post # 65
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Mississauga Convention Centre

Send a thank you note but don’t mention a gift

Post # 66
Member
2646 posts
Sugar bee

Don’t send a card, it will only make you look gift grabby.  You thanked them for attending with the receptiion.

Post # 67
Member
3066 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

We’ll be sending thank you’s to everyone attending regardless of gifts. So, I guess you can say it will be the generic ones people are referring to. However, our wedding won’t have the tradition of gifting items…people gift you money during the reception in envelopes and we’ll be going around to each table to express thanks during the reception as well. It would be weird for us to try to customize thank you cards by saying “hey thanks for the 50 dollars”…

I’d say just send a generic thank you for your attendence. If you think that might be taken rudely though then don’t send anything. However, I definitely would not try in any form to specifically inquire whether worried it was lost or otherwise.  If it’s lost then it’s lost. If they ask then they ask. If they don’t then…it is what it is.

However, I think I read for the US western weddings that guests have up to a year to send you a gift. So, really, they aren’t by any means close to that date. Of course they aren’t obligated to either though.

Post # 68
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

The same thing happened to us and they actually send us gifts from our registry a few weeks after. They said they like to wait to see what is left and then send something. It’s also a nice surprise to come home too! We also just recieved a card with $ almost 4 months later from someone who couldn’t attend. I would send a thank you for attending and see what happens!

Post # 69
Member
99 posts
Worker bee

MrsSapphireTopaz :  I’m with you! I’ve never recieved a thank you card for a birthday or Christmas gift, but every single wedding shower, baby shower, and wedding gift I’ve given has always been followed up with a thank you card. 

I love the custom photo thank you cards and they usually make it onto my fridge for at least six months! 

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