No Gift Registry, Money please!

posted 10 months ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 16
Member
2837 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

myv13 :  smh at asking if you should request “a set amount” of cash from your “guests”! Directly asking for cash is rude enough,  never mind believing you should be able to dictate the amount you expect them to cough up!  It appears you’re trying to charge admission! Yikes! Weddings are *not* supposed to be fund raisers. Tacky a.f.

Post # 17
Member
8327 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Well idk, but expecting/hoping guests will pay or help pay for one’s wedding or honeymoon is, no matter how common a practice it has become, a pearl clutcher to me .

lf l know the couple to have all the household stuff etc they need, then l give theatre tickets or seriously special wines or whatever l know they like. 

Post # 18
Member
4502 posts
Honey bee

I don’t know why you think your edit makes this any better.

You really think that people don’t understand that they always have the option of giving you cash? Even even if you registered, they always have the option of giving you cash. People understand that cash can be given as a gift. People understand that other people like cash. The first time your Aunt Sally tucked $5 into your birthday card, you knew that receiving cash as a gift was awesome. Everybody has already figured that out. People don’t need to be told. And it is crass to ask for cash let alone that designate specific amounts.

Just don’t register if you don’t want anything for your home. You might still get physical gifts. And then you accept them graciously and return them or donate them or do whatever you want with them. Because that’s what classy grown-ups do. Most people will get the hint and put some money in a card for you.

Post # 20
Member
4871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

No. Your wedding isn’t a GoFundMe. Host what you can afford and let your guests decide for themselves how much they want to give, if anything. 

Post # 22
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Melbourne, Australia

I’m not sure where you are located, but a common thing at weddings here in Australia for couples who already live together is for them to have a “wishing well”, where guests place their cards which may or may not include cash. It is generally noted on the invitation that there will be a wishing well rather than a gift registry, and that it’s up to the guests if they wish to give a cash gift. It is never expected/asked for. They can be a good option if you don’t want/need physical gifts, however some guests will still give a gift rather than cash, which of course is still lovely. 

I think it’s rude to basically tell guests to give cash, and even ruder to specify an amount. Keep in mind, it is potentially costing your guests money to attend your wedding, if they have to travel, pay a babysitter, buy a suitable outfit etc. 

We went with a wishing well at our wedding at my Mum’s insistence because “People WILL want to give you guys something, they know you already live together so you would be wise to provide a safe place for them to put their cards/cash.” Okay Mum lol. We didn’t want to have a wishing well at all, as we were so grateful for our guests coming along (many who came from interstate) and we certainly didn’t expect them to give us money for a wedding which was our choice to have. But I could see my Mum’s point for safety reasons if anyone did give cash. So along with our invite, we included a little poem (formatting will be off as I’m on my phone):

*The love of family and friends brings happiness that never ends.

Each one of you a special treasure that fills our lives with joy and pleasure.

Your presence at our wedding is present enough, so don’t buy a gift as we have plenty of stuff.

However, if you would like to help us on our way, a gift towards our future would really make our day.

A wishing well we thought would be great, but only if you wish to participate.*

 

So yeah, basically what everyone else said.. don’t ask or expect a certain amount or cash in general, but there are ways to say if people want to give something, ‘stuff’ isn’t needed. 

Post # 24
Member
9174 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m curious about the knot article you read, please share the link. 

Post # 27
Member
2805 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

In the Uk it is super common to ask for cash and no one has any issues with this. Wouldn’t ask for a set amount per guest though. 

myv13 :  

Post # 28
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

OP where are you located? You say you’re moving to the states, so where are you now : where is your wedding?

It has become the norm in the UK for established couples to suggest money rather than gifts or registry. And if you don’t have a registry, to be honest people are more likely to give cash anyways

there are nice ways of writing this on your invitations – look this up. I can help if you need it. 

DO Not however specify any amount. That is for your guests to decide, and be careful not to make any suggestion that it should be given before the wedding as a contribution to the cost..or imply/hint that you are paying for it and need help.. again, that is for your guests to decide..

If using that Knot webpage, I would be careful to avoid the set amount and with the wording as to why you are setting up the fund.

pretty much what kmh88 :  said 😊

myv13 :  

Post # 29
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Melbourne, Australia

No worries. We had a couple of guests give us physical gifts, which of course we graciously thanked them for. 

It can be hard to know what the right way to do things is, but thankfully places like this website exist to help 🙂 

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