No Gift Registry, Money please!

posted 7 months ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 32
Member
762 posts
Busy bee

myv13 :  Yeah. The US Bees tend not to like this one – even tho it had become pretty common / the norm in the UK /Australia. It’s def no big deal to me!

As such, If you’re in the US I would just be very careful with the wording, that it does not come across as “cash grabby” and is as tasteful as possible. As PP said, people will WANT to give you gifts – it is just your way of telling them what would be useful to you…if you don’t need a towel set or a blender!!

Most people I know suggest it as a honeymoon fund – whether it’s ultimately used for that or not, I don’t know or care..!

Post # 34
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - England

myv13 :  do not put a set amount, but in the UK it is pretty common to include a little poem or something like 

We’re tying the knot and we just can’t wait,

We knew it would happen on our very first date.
As we’ve got our home dressed up with accessories,
We don’t really think that a wedding gift list is necessary.
But if you did want to give something to help us on our way,
Some money in a card would truly make our day!”

But no matter what some people will always give gifts as they prefer it! 

Post # 35
Member
223 posts
Helper bee

Twizbe :  I’m in the UK and do find it rude when people ask for money. Poems don’t make it any better in my opinion, if you think it’s rude to ask straight out for money, why does it somehow become okay when you put it in a twee little poem? People know that money makes a universally good gift, and if you don’t register then most will give money anyway. Specifically asking for money IS rude in my opinion. Just because it is becoming more frequent in the UK, and everywhere it seems, it doesn’t mean that people aren’t majorly side-eyeing it!
Just don’t register for gifts, and trust that people will know what they want to give you instead.

Post # 36
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think you might be in the minoritory here. I much prefer is someone tells me what they want, either a gift list, vouchers or money kia2019 :  

Post # 37
Member
1138 posts
Bumble bee

kia2019 :  I think you’re in the minority, I’ve been to a lot of weddings where people have politely asked for contributions to a honeymoon or home renovation etc fund and no one has ever thought it was rude. I prefer it as it makes it easier. People in the UK ask for cash all the time instead of gifts, it’s super common. I think it’s only rude if you start setting amounts, or demands, but that’s the same for gifts. You shouldn’t expect money any more than you expect a gift.

Not quite sure why having a registry is any less rude than suggesting money towards something, in both situations there is a presumption of a gift and a suggestion of what to gift. This is something I really don’t understand on the bee tbh. 

Post # 39
Member
11647 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

myv13 :  Bottom line, you don’t “ask” for anything.

Here’s a brief history of registries. Originally, any registry at all was not approved. Traditional etiquette still finds them distasteful to this day, including honeymoon registries for the reasons you were able to explain perfectly well. Eventually, it became common practice to treat the registry as a list you have been keeping for your own purposes, but that others have to search out. It started with silver, crystal and china patterns and gradually expanded. More liberal or “modern” etiquette is OK with gift registries, as long as they are featured on a third party type site and there is no mention on or in your invitations.

Honeymoon registries remain more controversial since they basically are just a way to ask for money. The couple receives a check minus service charges, that they could theoretically use for anything at all. Some contemporary etiquette sources have condoned them nevertheless. 

But the fact remains, there is NO decent way to ask for cash, ever. No wishing well or poem makes it any less tacky. Cultural appropriations such as dollar dances are not OK either. Don’t engage in organized begging and just host what you can afford. 

The fact that you found a self serving website that gives this option does not make it any more acceptable. 

What is not tacky is asking for nothing and having no registry at all. If people want to give you cash, they will. 

Post # 41
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

aoifeo :  

Actually, the last 2 weddings I went too had a price to attend, to be paid upfront. The request comes with the invitation with a return envelope. One asked 50$/person and the other eas 75$. People were suggesting we do the same formour wedding, it’s really becoming popular… the more you know right! :’)

Post # 42
Member
2690 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

OP the knot seriously steered you wrong on this one, what the fuck were they thinking giving a set amount on their app? Glad you came to the bee first and were open to constructive criticism! 🙂 

 

Are you actually being serious? You have been to TWO weddings that charged you cover!?? Where do you live? Did anyone even show up? 

dannad :  

Post # 43
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

sapphire27 :  

Hahaha, yes! About 75-100 people I think? I live in Montreal.

Post # 44
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I think the set amounts are meant for specific things on the knot fund. Like “snorkeling excursion” or “champagne for dinner” or “ziplining tour” so people can feel like they know exactly what they are contributing to! 

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