No Gift Registry, Money please!

posted 10 months ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 61
Member
12096 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

somathemagical :  Someone could still throw her a surprise shower. And since shower gifts are not comparable to wedding gifts she might not object to an intimate shower and practical, small gifts. 

Post # 63
Member
6580 posts
Bee Keeper

Gag. Don’t put a fucking poem. Don’t charge admission. Don’t put anything. You will get cash. 

We didn’t request anything, had no registry and got 99% cash (only 2 physical gifts). 

Post # 65
Member
2690 posts
Sugar bee

This sounds like a great idea! Let us know how it goes!!

Post # 66
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee

I haven’t been to a wedding in 10 years that didn’t ask for cash. I do find it a bit meh but in my opinion it is equally rude  as gift registry. I don’t really see a difference between asking for stuff or money when people haven’t asked. But cash here have definitely.become the norm.

Post # 67
Member
10660 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

rez123 :  

I am going to defend the good, old fashioned registry.  It’s a tradition of long standing and a familiar custom.

Some of us like them when we’re trying to come up with a gift idea. Giving cash is a dilemma for me.  How much is too much? How much would be tacky-cheap?

Unless the couple gets really delusional and registers for everything at Tiffany’s.  They get a card. Maybe.

Post # 68
Member
2139 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

rez123 :  a registry is a suggestion of items affordable to more extravagant that the couple would like if someone feels inclined to give (as many do). Asking for cash is completely different because it forces people into an awkward position of one type of gift with a clear amount attached which some find uncomfortable. 

Post # 69
Member
477 posts
Helper bee

Of course you don’t ask for a certain amount. And don’t expect people to pay for your wedding, have the wedding you can afford. 

Post # 70
Member
246 posts
Helper bee

I haven’t read the entire thread, so I’m sure this is redundant. That said… please don’t ask for cash and DEFINITELY don’t set an amount. You will get cash. Some people will bring a physical gift whether you register or not, some will bring money/cheques, others just a card, others will bring nothing at all. Setting an amount of money you deem appropriate will only alienate those in your life who can’t afford the amount you’ve “set”, and asking for cash puts pressure on those who can’t afford any gift whatsoever. We had someone give us $400, and another give us $25. We had some people give nothing, but I couldn’t even tell you who those people were because gifts aren’t the point of the wedding. I was just grateful that people came to celebrate with us. Gifts are just an unexpected bonus. 

Post # 72
Member
2069 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I think you just misunderstood what the Knot registry was asking. We ran into these as well, we didn’t add them but my friends did. The “set amount” is asking for a specific amount of money overall. Like if you asked for let’s say $100, the set amount would divide it into 5 $20 gifts or something depending on how many people went in on it. All my friends just hit the any amount. The set amount is more for something specific like a spa treatment on your honeymoon or if you want to go see a specific show, etc. it lets people feel like you are getting something specific for their cash. 

Like PP I think that by not having a registry you’re good on cash gifts, most people will get that and the ones who don’t will get you something you’re more than welcome to return or that you may actually use. Personally, I think registering JUST for various cash gifts online is a little tacky, but if you had some small things and threw on a honeymoon fund, that would be different. I also agree with PP that you should definitely cut back and have a wedding you can afford. Personally, I’d be mortified if someone spent my cash I gave them on the party. I’d rather they just not invite me. I’m giving them the gift to have fun with it, not pay for a party they can’t afford. Just my two cents! 

Post # 73
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee

sassy411 :   somathemagical :  i juat don’t see the difference between the two.. I understand gifts are not  a must and registry is a suggestion but so is cash. I totally understand the awkwardness of knowing how much to give since I’ve been struggling with it. But equally the couple knows how much the gift costs. just as a concept I’m not a fan of putting request for anything on the invite/std/website etc. I just dont share the outrage since both are equally ‘rude’ in my mind. The only difference his that the registry is still a norm in some places.

Post # 74
Member
10660 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

myv13 :  

Ok, I get it. 

But, actually, I don’t think what you posted about the Bees’ comments not affecting you at all is true. Based on the amount of anger in your post and telling us that the Bees whose postings you don’t like have constructed an image of you that is both inaccurate and insane, I’d say you are very much affected.

That’s inevitable on a public message board.  When you post something, you are asking people to comment on what you said. On a forum this large, opinions will fly. Particularly when the topic is considered controversial. It’s clear that on this board, asking for money as a wedding gift is controversial.

The Bees have been known to fight like tigers over things that you wouldn’t expect to be controversial.  Chargers vs no chargers?  Them’s fightin’ words.

Your topic, Bee, happens to be distasteful to a lot of people. That does not suggest you are not free to do what you and your future spouse will be most happy with.

Controversial or not, the decision is entirely yours. You know your guests, we don’t. You’re in the best position to judge whether or not they will feel good about being hit up for cash.

Ultimately, every couple is entitled to their wedding however they want to do it, subject to budgetary realities.

We welcome your postings, Bee. It would be to your advantage to do some reframing.  If I were you, I would also be taking a look at how come the reactions of complete strangers to my idea has the power to make me feel so angry.

 

Post # 75
Member
10660 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

rez123 :  

It could be a generational thing. When I was growing up, no engaged couple would dream of skipping the registry.

You know, it just popped into my head that generational does make sense. This was during an era when living together before the wedding was not done.  Ergo, couples probably needed everything for setting up a new household.

Maybe the registry has outlived is usefulness. Some engaged couples register at Target, which I think is kind of cool. That’s not likely to put anyone on the spot.

We registered at Macy’s because they gave us a free gift. Also, knowing our guests, we felt quite confident that none of them would look at it. They didn’t disappoint.

 

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