Post # 59
@2PeasinaPod: It is a shame. I felt bad for everyone who had gotten us gifts more than I did for myself, though.
@littlelucygoose: To the why have a wedding, that actually hurts a bit. My mom kept saying that to me.
Because I had an awful first marriage. Why do I want to look back on my wedding day and remember that the one that my friends and family came out to support me on was to the ex? I love looking at the pictures of my grandparents’ weddings, and I want to be able to have those for my kids and grandkids, and I don’t want it to be me in a pretty white dress and some guy who I was once married to before their father
This may be my second wedding, but unless I become a widow, this is my last. I made a stupid mistake when I was 19, so I shouldn’t have a wedding with my soulmate and make just as big a deal out of it as I did the one to the most horrible person I have ever known? Even if he’d been a pretty okay guy but things hadn’t worked out, why should I be punished for a stupid mistake I made as a teenager? Why should my Fiance be punished for a stupid mistake I made as a teenager?
No one goes into marriage thinking they will get a divorce. Not everyone who gets a divorce went in even considering it an option; I know I didn’t. My divorce shook me to my very foundation. Not having a wedding because it’s a second wedding is just one more stab of “This marriage can never be valid, and you never know if it will end.” Because there are many good reasons a couple can choose to elope, or have a small garden wedding, or whatever, but simply being a second wedding is not one of them in my opinion. That’s a judgment on the validity of the marriage.
Post # 60
@littlelucygoose: But it’s NOT the same couple. If it were, this would be a vow renewal, not another marriage.
Post # 61
@littlelucygoose: how is it that you say you would support the couple emotionally but not monetarily again when you have never been to their wedding before? sure one (or both of them) have been married before, but NOT to each other, it is a completely different couple isn’t it?
Post # 62
@littlelucygoose: Just because it’s the internet doesn’t mean you have carte blanche to be rude and offensive without people calling you on it! Yes, it is your opinion, albeit a very unpopular one. But you have to own it, as CaitMarae said. You absolutely are de-valuing encore brides and their relationships. Is your relationship worth more than a 2nd time bride because they didn’t have the best luck the first time? No one is perfect, and it’s wrong for you to put people on an unattainable pedestal, and then have the gall to judge them after they don’t meet your ridiculous standards of perfection? Marriages fail for many reasons, and you have no right to ever judge any of them unless you are the bride or groom.
Post # 63
@littlelucygoose: What exactly are you laughing at? You ARE being rude and disrespectful. Just look at the replies from the encore brides. I’m not even one but I’m still annoyed by your comments.
Obviously you’re alone. Just take a peek at the poll results. I’m going to assume the one vote for “nothing” came from you.
And seriously? I’ll have a hard time functioning on this board? That’s cute. I have almost 7,000 posts. I’d say I’m functioning just fine. ” If you can’t handle someone’s honest opinion, you will have a hard time functioning in this world–and on this board.”
Post # 64
Preeeeety sure CaitMarae, after around 7000 posts or so, doesn’t have “a hard time functioning on this board”. Just saying.
Post # 64
@littlelucygoose: It seems pretty obvious that you disagree with the bride & grooms choice of partner. Do you feel the same way about gift giving/wedding if the bride or groom was widowed or cheated on and left for another woman/man or a number of other possibilities out of their control? How can you fault someone for wanting to move on and build new memories?
I agree with a PP, it seems like you have a hangup with divorce. Life happens.
Post # 64
@Juliepants: Lol, YEP! 🙂 It actually made me chuckle.
Post # 65
@littlelucygoose: Pretty sure devaluing someone’s marriage = disrespecting them. It’s kind of like the whole, “No offense, but…” caveat people add to their nasty comments. You do mean offense, otherwise you wouldn’t feel the need to add that 😉 Like CaitMarae said, if you’re going to do it, own it.
Post # 66
We are a 2nd wedding couple and we are having a big wedding to celebrate having found a rock solid love later in life. I had 2 bridal showers with my 1st wedding but that was 26 yrs ago. The towels someone bought me back then are long gone. Many do-over couple may be starting over after a previous marriage and while they may be more established in their lives, they also probably have mortgages, car payments and kids. If the couple is shelling out money for a wedding where you will be a guest, unless they specify no gifts, then most couples would appreciate a gift. I know I would but I don’t expect it. We just want our friends and family to share our day, gifts are just a bonus.
Post # 67
@MissCalifornia: Well said!
I am an encore bride. I do not expect gifts from anyone, because I just don’t and I didn’t expect them the first time either. If I were invited to a wedding that was the 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 10th or whatever….I’d bring a gift. From my own personal experiences in life, I’ve come to understand that you do not know what goes on in someone’s home, relationship or life. If the couple is having a wedding, it’s safe to assume they are inviting you to celebrate with them and not because they are looking for new presents or more money.
Post # 68
I would bring either a gift or cash, in the same amount I would give any other friends/family getting married. First time or not, the wedding ceremony is to honor and celebrate the couple. If you don’t feel that way, then don’t attend the wedding.
Post # 69
I WILL OWN IT! 2nd+ weddings are not acceptable to me if I’m going to be hounded for not giving a gift..clearly, that’s what it IS all about. I don’t expect to receive gifts from everyone, either, but I don’t think it means they don’t support me. It means they don’t have the money to give a gift or they’re just not into it. I thought someone’s presence was supposed to be all that was expected.
I will take your advice and NOT attend or if I do, I will bring a gift and do the right thing! Thanks for the responses, however upset you all seem to be 🙁 I now know that my opinion may be misguided and hurtful..I’ve been wondering about this for a while and that’s why I wanted to make a thread about it.
Don’t take my opinion to heart, people. It’s just one thought in a sea of millions.
Post # 70
Wow, OP… I can’t really even think of a way to positively parse/agree with part of your opinion. Because this doesn’t read to me like a gift issue. To me, it sounds like you’re completely writing off the importance of the day for them because it’s a second marriage.
To answer your question, though, I would gift. Probably cash, unless they registered for something super fun that I really wanted to get them.
Post # 71
I would absolutely give a gift and I wouldn’t limit the value or the type of gift based on it being a second marriage. If they are my friends, I’m truly happy for them and I’ll be thrilled to give them a gift and honored that they have invited me to share in their wedding day.