(Closed) No gift to a 2nd wedding, would I be the only one?

posted 8 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: What gift do you bring for 2nd+ weddings?
    Nothing--best wishes only. : (26 votes)
    12 %
    Cash : (87 votes)
    39 %
    Registry / Tangible Item : (98 votes)
    44 %
    Other : (13 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 101
    Member
    1713 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I would give a gift however I wouldnt hurt my budget by doing so. If its a young couple who are struggling to start there house yes I may go a little above and beyond however I would still bring a nice gift for a second wedding of lets say someone who is comfortable in there home and finances. Im glad when people register even if they dont want gifts. Our friends didnt bother because they thought no one would give them a gift which made things very difficult for us who did want to get them something they would use.

    Post # 102
    Member
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    @littlelucygoose:  Ah…okay.  I wasn’t sure.

    Honestly, if I’m still close enough friends to be invited to their wedding and involved in their lives, then yes…I would give a gift- but not because they are paying for my dinner.  I give wedding gifts to mark the occasion and to show that I care about my friends.  That would be enough for me.

     

    Post # 103
    Member
    1375 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I’ll post my response, then read others and edit if I think it is appropriate.

    Regardless of your views on 2nd, 3rd, or 10th weddings, a gift is just that.  A gift.  It should never be expected of you to give a gift (except possibly for a shower, since that is inherently a gift-giving event).  If you do not feel comfortable giving a gift, for any reason, you are free to do so.

    Post # 104
    Member
    2401 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @littlelucygoose:  “I WILL OWN IT! 2nd+ weddings are not acceptable to me if I’m going to be hounded for not giving a gift..clearly, that’s what it IS all about” … Maybe I’m not understanding this comment. It sounds like you think that a 2nd wedding is about getting the gifts, which is why I asked why you would go to something you didn’t support or felt this way about. 

    Post # 105
    Member
    1375 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Oh my, I see this has turned into a 2nd wedding judge-fest by OP.

    OP, if you’re going to disapprove of a second wedding, simply don’t attend.  It is not your place to judge the valididity of someone else’s relationship.  Marriages end for many different reasons – abuse, infidelity, lying, to name a few.  Yes, counseling works sometimes and in many cases should be pursued by the couple prior to divorce.  But if a person feels he or she or the children are in danger, its ok to leave that relationship.

    Yes, this is a disucssion forum with many different opinions, but you could have stated yours without sounding this judgey.

    Post # 106
    Member
    10285 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @eeniebeans:  I totally agree on the less traditional gift front. 

    DH’s aunt remarried a few years ago. She and her husband are older (like in their 70’s) and well established so most their guests didn’t see the need to gift traditionally. They received a lot of restaurant gift certificates and some more sentimental items. We went in on a nice bottle of Dom Perignon with my IL’s that was a HUGE hit. They didn’t expect their guests to open their wallets and gift as if they were 25 but I know they appreciated the fact that their family and friends were still thoughtful enough to acknowledge their nuptials with whatever gift they felt appropriate. 

    Post # 113
    Member
    151 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I agree. You shouldn’t go

    Gift giving and attendance should be a sign of support and love. If you think brides get married and remarried for gifts and attention than you know some horribly shallow people. Gift grab? The cost of even a modest wedding runs into the thousands. That doesn’t jive. There are easier ways to get gifts. ? (Although going to a wedding for a free meal and entertainment could also be construed as mooching.)

    For some, second marriages are a second chance. God’s grace. Rebuilding.What of remarrying widows? What of those who were abandoned in their first marriage? Not all remarriages are created equal, but all should have the support of community.

    Post # 114
    Member
    1397 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I’d give the same for a second wedding that I gave for a first, provided they weren’t like, MONTHS APART Haha.. If it were a 4th or 5th, wedding, though… I think I’d question the person’s ability to choose a mate and not attend :oX

    Post # 115
    Member
    2959 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I will be an encore bride and we are specifically askingfor no gifts as we already have a ton of crap between us. No registry either.

    That being said, I would NEVER attend a wedding without at least a card and a check tucked inside. A wedding is a wedding, it is a celebration of an union and it really doesn’t matter if it is the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 4th!

    Post # 116
    Member
    342 posts
    Helper bee

    Things I lost in my divorce:

    All of our towels

    Half of our sheets

    All pots and pans

    Small kitchen appliances

    What I was left with (from the marriage registry)

    Coffee maker

    Salad bowl

    Why would you assume this person has EVERYTHING from their first marriage? That’s often not the case. I had to refurnish my entire bedroom and buy everything new for the kitchen.

    Why also are widows the exception? They are left with everything.

    Post # 117
    Member
    68 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I would give a gift no matter what.

    I was married at 21 and divorced at 25. I’ll be remarried at 28. However, this is my Fiance first marriage, so we are doing it the way we/he wants. 

    I think if they are paying for you to be at the wedding, it’s considerate (not expected) to bring a gift. 

    Post # 118
    Member
    986 posts
    Busy bee

    I would still offer a gift at a second wedding. Now if it got to 3, 4, 5 weddings, perhaps not. But certainly for a second wedding. Like you said, sh!t happens, and sometimes the second time is the better fit. 

    Post # 119
    Member
    509 posts
    Busy bee

    We are both heading into our second marriage and we’ve asked for no gifts; we have asked for a nominal donation to a couple of charities we hold near and dear if people are so inclined. The reasoning we have is not that it’s a 2nd wedding but more a statement of our stage in life.

    I would never attend a wedding without a gift of some kind.  Just because some marriages end in divorce, or death, doesn’t mean that the bride and groom are any less committed to their new relationship, or paying any less for me as a guest to attend.  If we’re talking 3rd of 4th time around then I can definitely see the OPs reasoning, especially when dealing with very short-lived marriages.

    Post # 120
    Member
    509 posts
    Busy bee

    We are both heading into our second marriage and we’ve asked for no gifts; we have asked for a nominal donation to a couple of charities we hold near and dear if people are so inclined. The reasoning we have is not that it’s a 2nd wedding but more a statement of our stage in life.

    I would never attend a wedding without a gift of some kind.  Just because some marriages end in divorce, or death, doesn’t mean that the bride and groom are any less committed to their new relationship, or paying any less for me as a guest to attend.  If we’re talking 3rd of 4th time around then I can definitely see the OPs reasoning, especially when dealing with very short-lived marriages.

    Post # 121
    Member
    9134 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    I am getting remarried next year and I have no expectations or hard feelings in regards to gifts from people invited to my first wedding.

    I think it depends on the guest and gift giving in my book is pretty much always the same rule.  If you want to give then give, if not then don’t.  I have already prepared myself to expect repeat guests not to bring gists so I don’t feel that they support my second marriage any less just because they don’t give a gift.

    However, please give the happy couple a card.  I see way more brides, including myself, upset that a guest couldn’t spare the time or $1 to sign a card.  We put those things in memory books and wedding albums.

    The topic ‘No gift to a 2nd wedding, would I be the only one?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors