(Closed) No Gift???

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Sometimes we are quick to get upset without thinking of what the real issue might have been. In todays ecconomic times money is oftend hard to come by for many of us. Maybe she didn’t have enough money to get you a present but still wanted to see you or maybe she forgot the present or is saving for when she can give you one.

Post # 4
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Does she live far? Because maybe she thinks her gift is coming? Did she even give you a card? There is no excuse for no card.

Post # 5
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

You know, I’m coming from the other side of the wedding day and so I can’t say how I would truly feel about this, BUT I think I would rather let sleeping dogs lie. I imagine that you didn’t find out until later and so your actual day wasn’t spoiled thinking about it? If this girl didn’t get you a gift out of pure rudeness then she sounds like the sort of person who could potentially blackmouth you to other people for making a big deal about it. gingerkid4god is right too; we never know the fullness of a situation. Is it possible that she brought a gift on the day that got misplaced? Maybe she’s wondering where her thank-you card is!

Post # 6
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I wouldn’t say anything. Maybe she’s short on cash or is planning to send you one later? She also doesn’t have to get you a gift. It’s not required, but it is the norm. 

Post # 7
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think saying something would be rude.. and maybe make her feel awakward if she couldnt afford a gift right now.

 

i do agree, there is no excuse for not giving a card.

Post # 9
Member
340 posts
Helper bee

I agree with most of the other poster’s, even though yeah it is normal to get gifts and it’s a fun thing, they aren’t required and in reality you aren’t supposed to expect them either. If it was a shower it would be different because the whole point of a bridal shower is to get gifts, but for the wedding it isn’t.

So I think you shouldn’t say anything. He doesn’t HAVE to get you anything, so it would be rude to say anything.

Post # 10
Member
1037 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - Carlouel Yacht Club

Oooh I wouldn’t say anything!  Technically you have a year to purchase a wedding gift…and with the current economic situation. I’d hope that perhaps you’d be receiving one later?

Post # 11
Member
898 posts
Busy bee

I can understand how you would feel upset, especially if this is a close friend. However, there are a lot of factors that could have influenced him not getting you a gift. He may have said that he would send one later because he’s low on cash. I would be embarassed to tell the bride that, so maybe he just said it would come later so he wouldn’t have to admit it. I wouldn’t say anything else to him about it.

Post # 12
Member
2476 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with @HoneyBunny.  A wedding gift should not be expected and I don’t think you should be upset or insulted.  I would concentrate more on the great non-material things you got out of your wedding day, like a new husband and a new life together.  🙂

Post # 13
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I agree about not saying anything.  I don’t know your friend’s situation, but either way, I think it would be just as rude for you to say, Hey where’s my gift?”, as it is for him to not even give a card.

 I could see an inquiry if there’s reason to believe the guest gave a gift that is MIA.  But for the most part, I would discourage you from asking guests why they didn’t get you a gift or where is it.  The gracious thing would be to say nothing.  Are you assuming he’s got some problem, and you’re trying to see what’s his beef?  Wouldn’t you feel awful if he had financial reasons for not getting a gift?  So he said he was getting something off the registry.  Sometimes people say things to save face (even if they are embarrassed from a money perspective, and know they really can’t get something.) 

I had a guest not give me a wedding present.  And similarly, it was something that she said was coming (something she was making for us.)  It never came.  Did she not have the money?  Did she get busy and forget?  It could be one or both, but I  wouldn’t dream of asking her about it.  It would only make her feel bad.

Post # 14
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with Honeybunny and KateMW.

Post # 15
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

It’s only been two weeks – you don’t know if he’s ordered something, been busy, or the item hasn’t arrived yet, is on back order, etc., etc. Maybe he’s saving money. Who knows? But *don’t* mention it.

Post # 16
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Did you roundabout say something to him to get the response from him he did not have time, but that he will get something from the registry?

There have been many posts on the etiquette of gift giving and so forth. I for one do not beleive in the rule that you have a year to give a gift, but I also feel there is no rule or law that says you are required to bring a gift to a wedding. You never know the situations people are in and their presence on your big day should be a gift enough. I know some people will highly disagree with this, as I have seen pointed out so frankly in previous postings. However, I think it is terribly rude for a couple to expect a gift or to say something about not getting one. People had to travel and spend their holiday weekend for our wedding. We did not register, well I had no time, patience or even cared to do so and when people asked what they could get us I asked kindly that they did not have to get us anything. People still did and we were gracious for them doing so.

Please take everyone’s advice and do not say anything. You have no idea how rude that comes off. I have seen people do that, and honestly I was embarrassed for them. To ask for a gift makes it seem like that is all you wanted from them in the first place and not their celebration with you on your wedding day.

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