(Closed) No gifts for BMs?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1521 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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anonbee7549:  The clutch was obviously your gift.  A crappy gift, maybe…  Unfortunately just something you’ll have to let go if you want to continue your friendship.  Same thing happened to me with a friend’s wedding, and myself and some other BMs felt pretty slighted.  There were many other things as well with that wedding though to make us feel that way.

Post # 3
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

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anonbee7549:  TBH, yeah…I think you’re overreacting. Just like a bride shouldn’t expect something from her BM’s when going through the wedding planning/wedding process, the BM’s shouldn’t expect something back from the bride. It’s polite if the bride does give something, but it shouldn’t be expected. It is an honor to be a part of someone’s wedding and it’s a role that the BM’s are aware will cost money, time, and commitment. Everything else that is gifted is just a bonus, in my opinion. 

Post # 5
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016 - The Burgundy Basin

I agree with PP; the clutch was probably your gift. My friend did the same type of ‘wedding day survival pouch’ but also included jewlrey. I think you should feel happy to have been included in her wedding and to not think about who spent what. You have to remember that while you spent 1-1.5k for her, she spent much more putting on the entire wedding and it’s possible that their funds for your gifts ran out by the end. 

Post # 6
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think it is very inconsiderate.  You spent alot of time and money helping her celebrate her big day, and a more meaningful gift would have been better, even at the same pricepoint.  

My sister was in a wedding not long ago, where the bride just gave them a cheap set of jewlery to wear the day of, after requiring her bridal party to spend tons of money on her bachellorette party, bridal shower, and to get their hair, makeup, and a mani pedi.  On top of buying the dress, shoes, and gifts for the shower and wedding.  I was so mad for my sister.  

Post # 7
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

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anonbee7549:  Nope, I most certainly intend on gifting my bridal party something on my big day, just like I did when I asked them to be a part of my wedding. On top of this, I’ll also be paying for everyone to get a spray tan, make-up, and hair (which they’re all very excited about…so pastey!), but I think the magnitude of the gift I give to them on my wedding day will honestly depend on the amount of money I still have. In the early stages of planning, I have all these ideas on what I’d like to give not only them, but my parents, step-parents, and in-laws, but in all reality I have only put down deposits and haven’t even gotten to my invites yet. So, it all depends on what my budget allows me to get for everyone…

But the point is that it’s an honor to be included in such a huge day in your dear friends lives. This is where they start their journey as a family, and to be standing by their side should be enough of a gift. All I am saying is that even though the clutch is small and not re-usable, it is still a gift and a bonus on top of being present for such a momentous occassion.

Post # 8
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I was a bridesmaid at my friends wedding this weekend, she bought the dress (That ripped at four places, both before and during the wedding dinner, i had do go home and fix it mid-dinner! haha) and ska also bought the flowers to our hair and paid for our bouquettes. But we did pay for the hair stylist that fixed our hairs ourselves, and for our shoes, and we did our own make up. And we did not get any presents either. It was not a very fancy pants wedding, even though they had around 100 ppl as guests. But I don’t know if the bridesmaids or grooms usually get presents where I live, I haven’t  been to a wedding since I was a small kid. Anyway, I wasn’t expecting it, but ofc it would have been appreciated.

Post # 9
Hostess
4739 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

This happened to me but the bride had the audacity to announce in a group email that she “would not be following the tradition of giving bridesmaid gifts.” The groom still got gifts for his groomsmen. This was the cherry on top of a terrible experience: my boyfriend of 5 years, now Fiance, wasn’t invited even though I was the Maid/Matron of Honor and coming from out of town (they cut the guest list by not inviting any SOs except for his brother’s teenage girlfriend), being harassed to get vendors for her while I was in grad school full time and working (she had the summer off and couldn’t do it herself?), and overall being ignored throughout the engagement and only contacted with passive aggressive emails and rants to do things for her. This was three years ago and I’m clearly still super bitter about it!

I imagine your friend meant for the clutch and mani-pedis (if she paid) to be the gifts. I’d be hurt since it isn’t a gift that actually can be used, but I don’t think I would say anything to her about it. I’m sorry bee 🙁 It definitely sucks to put so much into something for your friend and not feel appreciated.

Post # 10
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 10, 2016

Wait, are clutches a bad gift? I mean, if they’re somewhat nice and personalized, is that okay? Because that’s what I was going to do….

Post # 11
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

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uponthewaters:  Ofc it depends on what kind of clutches. Nobody wants garbage. 🙂 Pretty clutches that are wearable and of good quality would be great! Maybe from some nice designer!

Post # 13
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 10, 2016

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bibbithebee:  Okay, thanks! Whew… got nervous there!

Post # 14
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 10, 2016

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anonbee7549:  Thank you for the clarification! I’m sorry the ones she gave you are such poor quality. I’m also sorry if it sounded like I was being rude or judgmental in any way, which was not at all my intention. I just had a moment of panic that there was some taboo I didn’t know about, lol. It’s definitely good to hear about your experience and your disappointment in the sub par gift (although I am sorry it was sub par).

Post # 15
Member
47430 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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uponthewaters:  Nice clutches are fine. A cheap clutch that no one would ever use with a few inexpensive toiletries inside, is not.Too many brides think a quick trip to the Doallar store will solve their gift giving dilemna. No one is saying gifts have to be expensive, but they should be thoughtful.

Individualized is good- meaning chosen for each girl’s taste.Many women don’t want personalized anything. Who carries a clutch with their name on it?

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