(Closed) No gifts for BMs?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
6944 posts
Busy Beekeeper

It sounds as if the cheap clutch was your gift. (And maybe the mani/pedi?) Is it possible the bride ran over budget and out of money and was too embarrassed to acknowledge it? Or is just clueless that a more substantial “thank you” is commonly given? Either way–you didn’t accept the Bridesmaid or Best Man position to get a gift from the bride and you’ll have to decide how much you value the friendship.

 

Post # 17
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

uponthewaters:  Dont worry, I really think that clutches could be a super cute gift! 🙂 If the budget don’t cover anything expensive, like brands, just go for quality! 🙂 I’m sure your bridesmaids will be thrilled! 

Post # 18
Member
2733 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I get that no one should expect gifts, in any situation. I also understand how much money goes into a wedding and how easily your budget disappears. I know that being asked to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man is an honor and  you should do it sans expectations and out of the goodness of your heart.

But, honestly, if a bride can’t even put some thought and a little money into a decent gift for the ones who helped you through this entire process, then don’t have a bridal party. If your budget doesn’t allow for a small gift, then cut your spending elsewhere. I would rather buy myself cheap wedding shoes and less extravagent center pieces so I could give my bridesmaids something special. You don’t have to spend $100 on each bridesmaid but it’s more insulting to get a cheap $15 bag you’ll never use again, that she probably found online in a quick google search with no thought behind it, than to not get anything at all.

I’m not one to put emphasis on gifts. I’m going into my wedding expecting zero gifts, as long as my friends and family make it, I’ll be happy. But, in your situation I would be very upset and offended.

Post # 19
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Well I just found out that I’m a minority thinker on this subject…. the tradition of giving the bridesmaids a gift is newer than most think. Just like many things, Pinterest is giving the wedding world unrealistic expectations. Being asked to be a bridesmaid is being asked to stand beside the bride and show the couple and all of the guests that you are supporting the marriage. It IS an honor, yes, but one you are free to not accept. I would be quite upset to learn that my bridesmaids expect a gift. I have been in the wedding party quite a few times. Half of those weddings I got a thoughtful gift. One I received a long letter thanking me and I value that the most. It cost her nothing. I would be so upset to think my bridesmaids said yes because they thought they would be compensated back with a gift. I’m a wedding vendor and I see many couples divorce because of financial issues. A wedding is expensive. Most of the vendors in my area are dumbfounded by the little unnecessary things like party gifts and guest favors. you are supporting the couple And the marriage- not going for Gifts! 

Post # 20
Member
2454 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

If a bride shouldn’t expect gifts from her guests, I don’t think a bridesmaid should expect gifts from the bride.

Post # 21
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I am in a wedding and have my own wedding.  I am not expecting anything from the bride.  I did get my attendants a clutch and jewlery that I want them to wear on the day.  It may not be all their tastes but at least I dont have to worry about them spending money for something they may not wear again.  I also plan on getting gift cards to help with the mani / pedis and a bottle of wine they love.  Honestly if I were to get a gift I would prefer jewelry.  The wedding I am in, no one knows what to wear!!!!  it would be nice but again, not expected!

Post # 22
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t really think you’re overreacting. I spent a lot of time and thought into the gifts that Im giving my girls… they helped with my bridal shower, bachelorette party, and not to mention paid for their dresses/ hair. I invited them to get their nails done this weekend (getting married on Sunday) and I plan on paying for that also. I’m not rich, but it means a lot to me to have had these girls do so much for my fiancé and I… It’s nice to show people your appreciation with something thoughtful. Although it’s not about material things, a generic bridesmaid clutch (that you’re really not going to use again) just doesn’t seem to do the job. 

Post # 23
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

Probably a cultural difference on my part, but this is just so…crass. You’re helping a dear friend celebrate one of the most important (and eye wateringly expensive) occasions of their life, on top of which they may or may not be springing for your dress, hair and makeup and you’re complaining about their gifts not meeting your standards?

I think it’s a lovely and very gracious gesture to give bridesmaids a token of appreciation, but I would expect nothing and neither would anyone I know. The fact that our relationship means enough to her to ask me to be up there with her is more than enough.

Post # 24
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

anonbee7549: The clutch and the toiletries are your gifts. I wouldn’t take it too personally. She probably saw it on Pinterest and thought it would be a cute idea as a gift. I don’t know if she’s experienced with many weddings before, but wedding etiquette isn’t common sense. 

Also, some people are just terrible at gift giving. A clutch with my name on it isn’t something I would ever give another person, but I know quite a few people who would think it’s adorable. I’m not trying to excuse the bride’s actions. If she’s a person who isn’t experienced with weddings and is generally just a clueless person, then I would be more understanding. If she’s been in many wedding parties before and was just being stingy, then yes, I would find it extremely hurtful.

Post # 25
Member
2690 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Apple_Blossom:  Yup, THIS!

While it is nice to give a gift to bridesmaids it’s not mandatory. Just like you should be gracious if someone shows up to your wedding empty handed the bride should be given the same courtesy. With all the complaining people do on thie site about what gift they received I’m not surprised some brides scrap the idea. I am so grateful my bridesmaid loved what I gave them and didn’t expect anything. I, as a bridesmaid, expect nothing but to be fed during the reception like anyone else.

Post # 26
Member
5188 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

anonbee7549:  Would a clutch that didn’t say “bridesmaid” make that $1000 any more well spent? You don’t agree to be a bridesmaid in anticipation of a token gift. Get over it.

Post # 27
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I agree with PP, a Bridesmaid or Best Man gift is nice but definitely not at all required. I’ve been a Bridesmaid or Best Man now at least 6 times and not once did I expect a gift and can’t say that I would be upset if I didn’t get one. Helping my good friends celebrate the next step and chapter of their lives is a milestone! I wouldn’t for one second expect to get special treatment on their special day. 

Post # 28
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

A bridesmaid gift isn’t required….until the bride expects you to shell out 1500$ for her and fly for her bachelorette! It’s not a gift, it’s a thank you, and it doesn’t sound like this bride showed an appropriate level of gratitude.

Post # 29
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

I’ll be honest, posts like this almost always make me feel like what I have planned for my girls are seriously crappy gifts. I just DON’T have the budget for anything extravagent, and I get the feeling that a lot of bees think that because a gift was cheap, it automatically means there was no thought or care put into it by the bride. 

Post # 30
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

TwinkleBoss:  I didn’t get a bridesmaid gift from a bride but she paid for the dress, paid for my hotel room, and was so surprised I got her a gift after I paid for my own flight. Gratitude can be shown in non-gift ways.

 

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