(Closed) No gifts from a lot of guests

posted 4 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 33
Member
2850 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
joehawthorne :  omg I really hope you didnt tell your wife that you thought her family were unclassy cheapskates because they didint bring gifts… 

Post # 34
Member
4132 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Either you’re a troll, or a jerk who is going to call everyone regardless. Either way,  responding to you is futile.

Post # 35
Member
2850 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
joehawthorne :  lol ohh italian american style… boy bye

Post # 36
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

It is rude to track gifts in the first place! It’s rude to track who you have gifted to that has not gifted to you in return. Gifts and generosity should NOT be given expecting a tit-for-tat return. That, by definition, is not generosity. 

Do not follow up with people, and do not guilt your wife over this. 

Post # 37
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

View original reply
joehawthorne :  it doesn’t matter if she’s Mrs. Bill Gates, she’s still not required to write you a check of equal or greater value. 

I think it’s clear YOU wouldn’t be embarrassed but most people would be, because most people would show up to a wedding to celebrate the couple not to have a contribution to inventory. It doesn’t sound like you’re being generous, as generosity is contributing regardless of your return on “investment.” You are writing big checks so that you can be butthurt later when others don’t do the same for you.

I don’t know if you only came here to stir the pot, as I haven’t seen your username before and you don’t seem to be doing anything constructive. But I am a firm believer that people who stir the pot deserve  to lick the spoon. Meaning, you can keep being this petty over things like this, but one day it will come back to bite you far greater than some 33% card situation. 

Post # 38
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
joehawthorne :  This happened to us also. A LOT of people did not give gifts or even a card (I’d say about 30.) At first we were a little put off and also wondered if some cards might have been stolen, since it was people I would never expect it from. BUT after letting it settle a bit, we got over it and decided it was not worth losing friends or relationships over.

We also would never ever attend a wedding without bringing a card/gift, but we had to remember/remind ourselves that everyone is different. My advice? Let the dust settle before making any rash decisions or asking those that “stiffed” you about it. It could very well be that they forgot the gift or card… we have had a few trickle in since our wedding (in October.)

It sucks. Even if the rule is that “nobody is expected to bring a gift,” it still sucks. It’s ok that it kind of erks you, I’m sure you threw a kick ass party- but please wait a bit before saying anything! =)

Post # 39
Member
840 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
joehawthorne :  they feel entitled to go to a wedding with out gifting>>>???! You INVITED them. Youre supposed to be the host! You are like the wedding IRS. Good luck with your audit process and showing your new inlaws that youre tacky af. Next party you throw be sure to just print the price of admission on the invite and get cousin vinny to collect at the door maybe. To save everyone the confusion and you the heart ache.

Post # 41
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper

View original reply
joehawthorne :  So yes I do want to follow up, even it is passive aggressive…

No, no, no, no, no–please don’t this. Following up on the lack of a gift is FAR more rude than not giving a gift or card at a wedding. If someone gave you a check and you never cash it they will check with you. I’ve sent gifts as late as three months after a wedding–which is completely acceptable. 

Gifts are not mandatory. Weddings are not fundraisers. If you continue with this you will potentially alienate many family members, look like a total douche, and possibly even drive a wedge between you and your wife. It’s not worth it. Stop keeping score between “your” side and “her” side. It should be “our” families now. It’s not a competition. 

Post # 42
Member
9524 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Telling your wife that her friends and family disrespected her bynot being generous enough? What a great way to start a marriage…..

Post # 45
Member
840 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
joehawthorne :   “I think what no one is realizing here is things cost money and while I didn’t expect guests to cover their plates, given that I paid for the wedding with no help from family, I am more sensitive to recouping some costs”

Okay my last response, because you are a brick wall but… we ALL realize things cost money. This is a wedding planning website!!! Those costs are YOUR responsibility and yours alone. It is your fault you threw a wedding you couldnt afford.

The topic ‘No gifts from a lot of guests’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors