(Closed) No gifts from Husband's parents or siblings

posted 5 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 2
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Seriously? You’re going to forever hold a grudge because they didn’t give you cash or something shiny and new? That’s really sad. Sure, a $4 card would have been an easy and nice gesture but they don’t owe you a gift or a card. I’m sure there was a reason why they neglected to give you anything. In my family we don’t usually waste money on cards so maybe it simply didn’t occur to them. Did they have to spend money to attend your wedding? New clothes, travel, accommodations? Maybe that was their gift to you. It’s great that your parents could and were willing to pitch in for the wedding but that also wasn’t a requirement, so it has nothing to do with his family.

My brothers didn’t give us cards or presents. I didn’t care. One brother didn’t even attend the wedding since he’s against ruining the environment with air travel but I still wasn’t hurt. I was shocked that my dad gave us a present since I know he’s poor. I would have been fine if he hadn’t given us anything even though my mom pitched in for our wedding and FI’s parents helped out as well. I expected nothing and therefore was pleasantly surprised when we got something and wasn’t disappointed by those who gave us nothing.

Life lesson: Lower your expectations for other people and you’re much less likely to be disappointed.

Post # 3
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Before anyone jumps on you, I could see being a little hurt maybe and possibly confused. I normally don’t think you can get mad at a guest not bringing a gift, but they are his parents and you think they could have given you a card on one of the biggest days of your life. What is you & your fiance’s relationship with them besides this?

Post # 5
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
bridey2016 :  I’m sorry to hear you’re upset over this. Try to remember that while it’s a nice gesture to give gifts and cards, it’s not a necessity. I can understand being slightly hurt for not getting a card with a congratulatory message in it from the in-laws, especially if you’re sentimental and like to keep that kind of thing, but to be hurt because they didn’t give you gifts or money is different. I advise you to let it go, harboring bad feelings for your new family is not a good way to start off a marriage. 

The important thing is they were there to celebrate your day with you. You said your parents paid for a majority of the wedding. Did your in-laws contribute financially to the wedding in ANY way? If so, that might have been their gift to you. And even if they didn’t, it’s not a big deal. 

Post # 6
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
bridey2016 :  Thank you for clarifying. In that situation, I’d definitely let the siblings off the hook. I get why you feel confused about his parents but try not to take it personally. It’s kind of crappy of them to ask for you to pay for them and not even thank you. That is common courtesy in my book but not everyone has the same values and upbringing. If everything else about your relationship with them is fine, try to let this go. Life’s too short for grudges and you never know the circumstances of someone else’s life.

Post # 7
Member
2979 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Don’t hold grudges, and don’t let it affect your future with them. Something to just get over and put behind you!

Post # 8
Member
446 posts
Helper bee

Wow. I think it’s weird that they didn’t give anything.

I attended two weddings overseas and still gave my friends cash, I also gave money when my sister got married … I think it’s rude not to give anything…

The other bees are right though, try to be the bigger person and don’t hold a grudge but honestly if I were in your situation I’d find it difficult to swallow.. what does your husband say about it?

Post # 9
Member
928 posts
Busy bee

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.  They might have something going on that prevents them from giving.

Post # 10
Member
1180 posts
Bumble bee

I agree. I think its odd that they didn’t give you anything, epicially after you two paid for thier travel and stay. I’d be irked too. 

Maybe the can’t afford to give you anything and are too embrassed to admit it. Is you husband bothered by is?

Post # 11
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee

If they had to ask for him to pay for flights, maybe they couldn’t afford a gift? I guess they could have gotten you a card, but some people aren’t “card people” (I’m one of them).

Post # 12
Member
909 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I understand where you are coming from, I think I would be miffed about it as well. 

Do they normally give gifts/cards for birthdays, Christmas etc? If not, then maybe thats just how they roll. Or maybe they think they’ve given so much to their son already – have they paid off his college fees or something like that so maybe they are ‘done’ with gifting him anything?

Post # 13
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
bridey2016 :  I can understand being hurt, and I likely would be too if I were in your position. You are joining their family, and you’d hope that in some way they would acknowledge it. If they have shown their happiness in other ways though, try to put it behind you as gifts are not always people’s way of showing love and affection. 

 

View original reply
CakeSniffer :  $4 card or not, showing gratitude and appreciation would have been the proper action for her husbands family to take. OP is clearly stating that she would have been happy with the minimum, and a gift does not need to be “shiny and new”. OBVIOUSLY no one is obligated to do anything at the end of the day, and that goes with anything in life but OP isn’t wrong either for being hurt. You bring some good perspective to the table though, seeing as how the majority of your family is in some predicament or other. 

Post # 14
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

View original reply
bridey2016 :  Maybe they’re giving you your gift later?  They might be saving up for your wedding gift.  Yeah, a card would be nice, but I know I’m giving a wedding gift later, I just send a card with the gift.  Your wedding was last month.  Give them some time before you get upset and hurt.  We didn’t give DH’s brother and his wife a wedding gift until a few months later.  I mean we paid over $3k to attend their Destination Wedding, so can’t say we were jumping to give them a wedding gift.  We didn’t give a card either until we gave them their wedding gift. 

Post # 15
Member
9985 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’ll be honest – my inlaws didn’t get us a card or a gift.  My SIL got us a gift that she knew my husband would hate.  His only other blood relative got us a pillow.  I would have  apreciated a card from my inlaws, but I learned a long time ago not to expect anything from them because it’s not their nature.  They’re just never going to do what I think is the polite or gracious thing to do, and I have to work on accepting that myself.   Sounds like you’re in the same boat as me.

I think you have a right to be hurt by this — not even taking the effort to buya 99 cent card for your child’s wedding is hurtful and sets a bad tone for your relationship moving forward.  I completely understand where you’re coming from and think some people jumping on you being upset is unreasonable.  Try to accept that maybe this is their nature, and not carry a grudge, as much as you can.

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