(Closed) No gifts from Husband's parents or siblings

posted 5 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 31
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee

Maybe they couldn’t afford it? 

My Future Mother-In-Law says she’s sending us presents all the time. Sometimes they show up (often way late), usually they don’t. I think she means well, but she’s just not very responsible with finances. 

Post # 33
Member
779 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

You have a right to be confused and even a little upset! Some families show love differently from others, but not to even show gratitude for the accommodations is questionable at best. 

I wouldn’t cut them off, but I’d be aware of the fact that they won’t reciprocate in most kind gestures.

Most importantly–congratulations!

Post # 34
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

A friend of mine got married back when I got married and her husband’s family gave less than 1/4 the amount her own family gave, plus they were just not very nice and found every reason to complain. She did not get over it. Her husband’s family has a lot of money and they love to give each other gifts for any and every occasion yet they were cheap for her wedding and assholes to boot. They eventually cut off the husband’s family for other reasons. Personally I do not see why you have to get over it or lower your expectations. 

Post # 35
Member
6331 posts
Bee Keeper

I would’ve thought they were just really, really financially strapped. As long as they are happy for the two of you, that’s the most important thing. 

Post # 36
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Nazareth Hall

View original reply
bridey2016 :  I know I got a card from my dad, but I don’t think I received one from my mom, DH’s parents or any of our siblings. That being said, both sets of parents chipped in for the wedding and cards are kind of me and my dads thing (he always sends me one card for every day of the week leading up to my birthday and it’s my favorite tradition ever). But I wasn’t hurt that I didn’t get cards from the others. Them being there was gift enough. I wouldn’t read too much into it 🙂

Post # 37
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I feel like I would be a little put off by this as well. If they’re not card people, as other bees have suggested, they could have grabbed something small as a gift just as a gesture (if you were getting traditional wedding gifts – IKEA silverware is like $10 for 4 sets. If not, idk frame a picture of all of you together?). 

I agree with everyone else though. It’s okay to ponder it for a bit, but I wouldn’t bring it up to them or let it get to you. They’re family. I would let it go.

Post # 38
Member
464 posts
Helper bee

I would be hurt if I were in your situation, but in both my and my fiancés families we all like to spoil each other every occasion we get the chance, so it’s hard to relate. Our gifting habits obviously aren’t the case for every family though. What does your husband say about this? Does his family ordinarily exchange/give gifts on special occasions? Did his parents contribute to the cost of the wedding? 

It just seems kind of crappy that you didn’t receive anything  from any of them. I know some Bees here will say that their presence at your wedding should be enough, but for immediate family I disagree. I’m not sure what their financial situation is either, but maybe they couldn’t afford a gift and are too embarrassed to say anything? Even if that’s the case, they still should have given you something small as an acknowledgement of their son/brother’s important day (like a card with some kind words). 

Post # 39
Member
16 posts
Newbee

I think what’s worse is that they offered no explanation. We can rationalize anything but if someone says ” We’d love to give you a gift, but we are in no position” or” We normally do not gift our adult children”, whatever…I find it unreasonable that they could not even come up a commemerative gift. He is their son after all…

Post # 40
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
bridey2016 :  yes, you’re absolutely right: a thank you would have been nice. Some people are just not wired with common decency, that is the unfortunate discovery I’ve made recently. sorry they are this way.

Post # 41
Member
8674 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

our families (both sides) didn’t. both our parents contributed financially, however, so it’s a bit different.  my brother has always been quite space cadet, lol, plus his girlfriend did make us an awesome card.. but it was signed from her only lol.

I dunno, I don’t care. I know they love us.

Post # 42
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Well I just came back from my cousin’s wedding and we paid for clothes, plane tickets for 2, hotel for 3 days, and still gave them a card and cash.  So it’s based on each individual person and what value they place on gifts.  There’s no right or wrong answer because it’s value-based and varies by individual.  This same cousin came to our wedding 9 months ago.  We spent about 1.5 months of savings for everything.

Post # 43
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

View original reply
bridey2016 :  My ex’s husbands mom and one of his brother’s and fiance didn’t give us anything. It was done intentionally because they didn’t like me or support the marriage. Fiance of Brother-In-Law was very vocal about me not being welcome in their family. 

I know people say it’s not required, but I feel like it’s rude and I would personally never go to any wedding without giving a gift. It just seems like bad manners. I think you’re right to be hurt, but I’d try to ignore it for now, I don’t think it’s worth getting worked up over unless this is maybe part of a bigger issue. (I didn’t read all the other comments.)

Post # 44
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

While gift giving isn’t mandatory, I think it’s rude not to give a wedding gift ESPECIALLY considering who they are to you. When DH and I got married my Father-In-Law was so broke he couldn’t afford to help at all with the wedding, but he still scraped together a gift!

I’d work through my frustration privately and follow DH’s lead as they are his relatives. If he doesn’t want to say anything to them, then don’t. Also, this may be the petty side of me talking, but I would be pretty frugal with any gifts I ever give them moving forward.

Post # 45
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

They might not be gift and card people. So cheesy, but check out the Five Love Languages. Once you learn what theirs are I bet it will give you a better understanding of why you didn’t get anything. I understand being bummed and not getting anything – even if it was just a card. 

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