(Closed) no gifts from my bridal party!

posted 10 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: What would you do about not getting a gift from your bridal party?

    Dont address it, just let it go.

    Say something in passing, but dont press them about it.

    Point it out to them and hope for the best

    other (please explain)

  • Post # 17
    Member
    404 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    View original reply
    @CaitMarae has a point- it really is pretty hectic around the wedding, maybe they forgot.

    However you approach it, I agree what you said earlier- don’t make it a joke! Everyone can always see through those. 🙂

    Post # 18
    Member
    47383 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would just let it go. There really is no way to address the issue that isn’t rude.

    Post # 19
    Member
    1870 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Did you have a destination wedding?

    Because it might be a lot of expect a gift if they attended your wedding and had to travel to get there–I know you helped them pay for the hotel and 1-way airfare, but they did pay for the other way airfare, presumably took time off work, and perhaps bought dresses, shoes etc. etc. Did you pay for all their meals? Did you ask them to accompany you on excursions or other entertainment and did they have to pay their way for that? I was in one destination wedding…in Italy. The bride paid for my hotel but not for airfare or food (except for the actual wedding night) or entertainment. So with airfare, it was about $2k just for me to attend. I didn’t get her a gift; she didn’t expect one.

    There was a recent thread on here about the cost of being a bridesmaid and how expensive it is–I’ve been one many times over and most of the time it’s ranged between $500-$1300. That’s a lot in and of itself. I think what I’m saying is before you get angry over this, calculate how much money it cost for them to be in your wedding.

    My bottom line is, I don’t think there’s a real elegant way to ask someone “did you get me a present?” IF they did and it’s lost, then they’ll probably ask you about it.

    Post # 20
    Member
    542 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    i would probably not say anything

    OR

    if i really felt the need to mention something….next time they called you, i would mention that you were working on thank you cards from you wedding

    Post # 22
    Member
    1267 posts
    Bumble bee

    I haven’t gotten any bride whose wedding I’ve been in a gift because my serving as bridesmaid or moh IS the gift.  I mean, shoes, dress, make up, hair, travel (they still had to pay one way home?  That’s expensive) shower gift, time off of work (even if paid they are using their own vacation days for your day), shower, bacherlorette party – and let me tell you, if any of them had called and asked, in so many words, where’s my gift? I would have given them an earful, lol! 

    For the cheapest wedding I spent $800 and the most expensive I had to keep flying to NJ from FL where I was living PLUS spend all the regular stuff that I just listed and it was about $2500!  So no, I’m not giving another check to the bride/groom or another thing off of the registry (since in addition to paying for the shower I also got a gift off of the registry) and in my sister’s instance – no, not even a card.  I was running around like crazy and never got a chance to get one.  Instead I stood with her, got her dressed, calmed her, honored her by walking in her wedding, kissed, hugged, stood for pictures while completely missing cocktail/food for hours – I think Hallmark has nothing on that.  It’s a card – people throw them away.  My being there for her better be worth more than a $4 card from CVS for Gods sake.

    Sorry – really had to get that off of my chest.  I can’t believe how many brides expect their BMs and Maid/Matron of Honor to do more, more and then more on top of that for them.  It’s just a card and I don’t think they need to give more money on top of whatever they have spent to be in your wedding unless the cost was $0.  I do understand that you were a pretty terrific bride with helping so much with all of the costs but please understand that sometimes while racing around and trying to sort work/school/relationships away while getting ready for your wedding that little things like a card may get overlooked.  They may assume that standing there with you on your big day would mean more.  Plus, why would they text you when they were actually there the whole time?  I guess it never occured to me to have to, after serving my maidly duty, now find an electronic or other way to again congratulate the bride….. I’m not being rude, I just really never even considered having to again say something when I was there start to finish.  I kind of equate it to a husband having to text you or get you a card saying congrats after you’ve deliverd your baby and he was there the whole time. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    9050 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    View original reply
    @luckyprincess: I have to disagree with cards just being thrown away.  I’m a HUGE card keeper and so are my two best friends.  We always spend a lot of time picking/making them and then write a novel inside.  For my best friend’s wedding I wrote all on the front inside, all over the part you would normally write on and STILL had to add an additional piece of paper.  We always talk about how much we love our friend love letters.  I have them from birthdays in highschool, graduation, when I left for university… etc.

    The ones for my wedding I read and bawled like a baby.  There’s just something about a handwritten note that’s very special to me.  I would have been very hurt if they hadn’t even gotten me a card at my wedding

    *steps off soapbox, and answers the question that was posed.

    I would probably just ask if perhaps their card got lost…

    Post # 24
    Member
    1518 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Our bridal party didn’t get us gifts either! Actually quite a few quests didn’t get gifts either… including DH family! My Bridesmaid or Best Man and his fam did get me a gift for my shower but it was 2 months before the wedding.. hmm. And they had to travel to both – im guessing thats why? ANyways i am not doing anything about it because honestly we don’t need the gifts. I was happy to have everyone there to celebrate and spend time with us. 

    Though i do wonder if some people think getting a shower gift means they don’t buy a wedding gift? I always send a gift to things i receive an invitation to. So all my friends that had showers and weddings, i have given them multiple gifts. Is this a common thing??

    Post # 25
    Member
    971 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I didn’t get a gift from any girls in my bridal party, but I didn’t expect one. They paid for my bachelorette party. They also paid for their own shoes, jewelery, half their dresses and their hair and make-up.

    Post # 26
    Member
    1267 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    @SapphireSun:

    I have kept lots of cards, too, and love picking them out.  I find them to be keepsakes when they are from special people to me.  But I’m saying that to many people, a card is something that you throw away.  Even though cards may be a wonderful keepsake to the recipient, we have to remember that it isn’t required to give one and that sometimes people are just too busy trying to put your day together to get one.

    I didn’t expect cards and gifts on top of what my girls were already doing for me the first time I got married and I wouldn’t be upset if I don’t get cards or gifts with my upcoming marriage.  I mean, them being my closest, most trusted friends for the day by acting as my bridal party and sharing that experience with me means more to me than a card would and I don’t expect them to say congratulations 20 times in different mediums, lol.

    Also, if any one of my brides would have called me to ask me if my card or gift got ‘lost’ because they didn’t seem to recieve one I would tell them that yes, it got lost somewhere at the Hallmark store and they are more than welcome to go pick out a new one for themselves and sign my name to it – but then they are used to my sense of humor 🙂

    Post # 27
    Member
    7691 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Two of my BMs did not get me anything – not even a card

    My Maid/Matron of Honor got me a joint gift with her mom that was unreturnable and not something that fits with our style/taste – but not a card

    I didnt say anything, just got over it!

    Post # 28
    Member
    4544 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    We didn’t get a gift from one of the BMs, the best man, or another Groomsmen. Honestly, they all did so much for us that we just let it go. The best man paid for my DH to spend a weekend in Vegas, which is more than enough present. The other Groomsmen probably thought his parents put him on the card…kinda lame I know but stil. And the other Bridesmaid or Best Man did SO SO much for me that there’s no way I’m bringing this up with her!

    Post # 29
    Member
    6659 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I’m a little confused why you feel like they should call or text to say congratulations since they were actually IN the wedding. And the same with a card (sans $), IMO there’s no point in giving a couple just a card saying congrats if you actually attended or were were part of the wedding.

    From what you’ve described, it sounds like you and your DH gave your BM’s a lot of $ to cover things like dress, hotel, beauty, meals, etc. because you knew it was going to be very expensive for them. I could see this actually making them assume they didn’t have to buy you a gift since you were so concerned about them not speding a too much $. So that may have worked against you a little.

    I think in general it’s ridiculous to expect wedding party members to actually buy a gift for the bride and groom, regardless of if they have to pay for anything. If they do, that’s great but I think it’s above and beyond. If I were you, I would just concentrate on how they supported you on the wedding day and leave $ out of it.

    Post # 30
    Member
    143 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    It would be a bit tacky to say a word to them about it. You should be thankful that they were there to support you and travel (if this is even applicable) to your wedding and pre-wedding events to spend them with you. It’s not about gifts…it’s about having the people you love the most surrounding you.

    Post # 31
    Member
    1995 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Some of mine did, others didn’t.  Some were still in college or not in part time jobs and others splurged for nice stuff on our registry.  I had no problem with it.  I was just glad they were able to make it and buy the jcrew dress I requested!  That’s plenty!

    The topic ‘no gifts from my bridal party!’ is closed to new replies.

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