(Closed) no gifts from my bridal party!

posted 10 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: What would you do about not getting a gift from your bridal party?

    Dont address it, just let it go.

    Say something in passing, but dont press them about it.

    Point it out to them and hope for the best

    other (please explain)

  • Post # 32
    5976 posts
    Bee Keeper

    View original reply
    @moderndaisy: I was about to say that, but you beat me to it!

    I’m also confused why you are expecting a phone call from them to say congratulations? Weren’t they actually there, standing up next to you and supporting you?

    I think you should let this go and be a bit more cautious about how generous you are to them in the future.

    Post # 33
    1029 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I’m also not sure what the fuss is about.. (sorry)… I wouldn’t necessarily expect my bridal party to give me a gift if they had to buy say, a dress that was as expensive as a gift would have been. I’ve been a Bridesmaid or Best Man twice and have given gifts, and I’m not having any BMs myself, but I’m not sure I’d care one way or the other if they got me gifts. It was *super* nice of you to put up so much cash for them, but gifts should be seen as an extra gesture, not a necessity.

    Also – I don’t know if I’ve *ever* given a couple a gift before the wedding ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m just a really big procrastinator. They have a year, according to ettiquete, so you never know!. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 34
    280 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Say something along the lines of… “I think some of my gifts got lost in our travels because I didnt receive anything from you?”   Or send your thank you cards to them saying, “Thank you for being in my wedding – I hope you enjoyed this this and this that we got for you.”

    LOL – just kidding. 

    No, but really — The gift isn’t a big deal.  I would blow it off.  You now know how to treat them on their special days in the future.  It sounds like your BMS were pretty selfish.  You would hope your girlfriends would treat you how they would like to be treated on their wedding days and bachelorette parties!   The gift they would have bought you is not something you are going to remember in 10 years… which is why I think it is no big deal.    You are however  going to remember how little they did for your bachelorettte parties and showers, when you went out of your way to pay for a lot of stuff for them.  It was your special day and it seemed like they were the ones who got the special treatment!

    Post # 35
    9026 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I’m not expecting gifts from my bridal party, they are already giving me the biggest gift of all by travelling down here and then paying for their clothes and hair and just the general stress of being in a wedding. If they get me a gift thats fine but I wouldnt be upset if they didnt. Especially since two of my BMs are from out of state. I think since they travelled to a destination wedding you shouldnt be upset that they didnt give u a gift and u definitely shouldnt ask about it

    Post # 38
    6995 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    i would never expect anything from my bridal party, its super expensive to be a bridesmaid and they are doing enough for me just by showing up. im a big gift giver so if i were ever a bridesmaid id still want to get something for the two of them but thats just who i am. My advice is just let it go.

    Post # 39
    2468 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    we didn’t get anything from one of our bridesmaids or from one of our groomsmen, and we don’t feel like we can say anything. it’s really weird, especially the bridesmaid, who got married 2 weeks before us and who we got a gift for, but i’ll just read it as an oversight and move on…

    Post # 40
    1641 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I would let it go. Did they spend a lot on being in the wedding? Because maybe they feel that is gift enough. Don’t say I agree with them, just saying it might be the way they are thinking. I don’t think it is worth losing friends over. 

    Post # 41
    278 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I have the same situation, it’s good to hear others chime in. We didn’t get gifts from 3 (out of 5) bridesmaids. I’m in no way upset about this, but I would never go to a wedding without even a token gift (and I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man for one of them a few years ago and did buy a gift). I’ve know these girls for over 15 years, so I really thought they were the same way. I’m definitely more surprised by the lack of gift than angry or upset. I don’t really know what to do about it either, but I’ll probably just let it go. It’s just strange because you think you know people . . .

    Post # 43
    291 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I have been in 15 weddings.  In each case I have bought my dress, gotten my hair and sometimes make-up done.  I have paid for my share of the bachelorette party and the bridal shower and chipped in to get a bridal shower gift.  My FH and I always give a card with a very generous gift on the day of the wedding.  YES, this bride asked me to be a part of her day, and I did my BMly duties above and beyond.  I was still taugh that there should be a gift given.  I was just in a wedding a few weeks ago.  I did my hair and make-up myself that day because of recently being unemployed, but I did take that money that I would have used and put it in a card because I felt giving this happy couple a gift was more important than me getting some hair spray in some fancy salon. 

    So I agee you should say something.  You went above and beyond by paying for things.  I agree with the “things got lost, was yours in there” approach.  See where it goes and move on from there.  IF they cop to getting you nothing, then decide where you stand. 

    GOOD LUCK!!!!!

    Post # 44
    1267 posts
    Bumble bee

    Okay – seeing some other replies makes me ammend my answer! ๐Ÿ™‚

    If I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man or Maid/Matron of Honor to someone that had been mine AND we had to spend about the same in dress, shoes, jewelry, hair, make up, shower venue, food and decorations, shower gift, bachelorette party, travel and stuff and SHE got ME a gift for my wedding then I would reciprocate.  I would do so because I would feel that they went above and beyond so I would feel obligated to do the same.  It’s like when you think you and a friend aren’t exchanging Xmas gifts and then they hand you a present!  lol

    Post # 46
    1267 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply

    Would they be insulted if you asked them for a card or why they didn’t get you one?  I would assume by you asking if their gift to you had gotten lost that you were asking why I didn’t get you anything.  Although you are an awesome bride for being sooo generous with them (wanna fly me to Vegas? Pretty Please!) perhaps they just dont’ subscribe to giving a gift/card on top of all that they had spent or been a part of already, like I and some others do.  It seems to be two schools of thought as I feel that being a Maid/Matron of Honor or Bridesmaid or Best Man IS a gift in itself due to the time, money and committment it takes from my life (which I’ve been happy to give). 

    My point is, if they do feel the way I described above it may come off sounding like you want to know where your gift/card is (I know you aren’t upset that they didn’t get you one but I think it may come off as gift grabby) but honestly, you know them better than us! ๐Ÿ™‚

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