- 10 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
I got gifts from my Maid/Matron of Honor and my dude of honor. But first, I’m their mother. Second, we went to great lengths to keep their costs down. We did not expect showers/bachelorette parties, let them wear clothes they already owned, paid for their accommodations for the night before the wedding and the wedding night, paid for all their food, and offered to pay for my daughter’s transportation. (My son just had to take the bus, so the cost was negligible.) My daughter turned us down on the transportation money, saying she would make a longer vacation of the trip and see friends in the area.
However, many times the costs of being a MOH/BM are quite high. And if these people do not have a lot of money, they may assume you’d rather have them put the money into being there for you than into giving a gift. If they are close enough to you that you would ask them to be MOH/BM, would you really have preferred that they stay home and give you an expensive gift?
Wow, until I read these posts, I didn’t know that the bridesmaids were supposed to get gifts. Can’t wait to see what mine does.
I was my best friend’s Maid/Matron of Honor and spent money on a dress, shoes, bachelorette party, bridal shower, hair, etc. I am grad student who is planning my own wedding so money is definitely tight but I still gave her a wedding gift. All of us bridesmaids chipped in to get her a gift for her shower off her registry and then I gave her a gift for the wedding. Just because I was in the wedding and spent money, I still feel that I was a guest of hers and it would not be normal for another guest to attend the wedding and not give a gift. Hopefully your girls are still working on it but I would be pretty ticked off if I were you. I hate confrontation so personally I would probably never bring it up but I would still be hurt. Even if money is a problem, a card or a heartfelt note probably would have made you less upset about the matter.
I’ve asked my bridal party NOT to give us gifts, given the expenses involved in being in a wedding, However, I would certainly not mind a card.
If your girlfriends spent so much money on dresses, make up, parties, etc, they should not be expected to give you a separate gift. Their hard work and money spent on other aspects of your wedding ARE their gifts to you. In your place, I would request that they NOT give me gifts.
imo if you are in the wedding party whatever expenses you pay to be IN the wedding party are the gift you are giving to the bride and groom.
I realize you said you paid for 75% of everything, but the fact of the matter still stands that they had do go out of their way & out of their regular schedule/expenses for you.
If it were me I would just shrug it off.
I agree that if you ask the special friends in your life to be in you wedding. At the very least, a small card and gift should be given. Especially if the cost to the bridesmaids has been relatively low. I only had my BMs buy a dress less than $175 dollars and none of them even got me a card for my shower which was 2 days ago. Money is not the issue here…and they’ve had it as easy as any bride could give them simply because I am a 40 something first time bride and my BMs are all doing well financial. While I appreciate the fact that they put the shower together to help my mother out. My mother paid for the food so at my age I feel like my long time friends cheaped out. Sorry…but the bridal party should get a gift for the bride when it is clear that money is not the issue. It’s not only expensive for the bridesmaids, it’s an expense for the bride who also has to pay for gifts, meals etc to host the bridal party.
I disagree with this 1000% percent. The reason my girls are in my bridal party, and the reason I have been in theirs is because we are each others nearest and dearest friends. And as friends, I’m more than happy to purchase dresses (anywhere from $140-$280), purchase flights (up to $500), pay for shower gifts ($50-$75), bachelorette parties ($300-$600), hotel rooms ($100+), hair and makeup ($120-$250), plan and help with wedding details and I still give them a generous monetary gift for the wedding. I’m happy to do it….these are my best friends. And no matter when your financial situation is, their is NO excuse to not at least give a card. Period.
I would feel bummed that I didn’t even get a card, but I would let it go. I would remember it for the future, since my bridesmaids are not yet married. If I end up being in their weddings, I would probably treat them how they treated me. I’m not trying to sound mean, but I believe that you get what you give.
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