Post # 31
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
At 3-years-old, does he really need to invite his classmates (especially if he hasn’t been invited to any others)? I would keep it small and by default you will receive less gifts.
Post # 32
onyx81 : there is no reason to feel guilty for donating gifts after you received them. You can still appreciate it and thank them without holding on to it for a designated length of time. I’ve gotten rid of gifts the day after I’ve received them – that doesn’t mean I appreciate the gesture and thoughtfulness any less. If anything having some item that I don’t want or need would probably make me resentful in the long run!
Post # 33
Ugh, I don’t consider them rude, per se, but requests like this make me soooo uncomfortable. 😣 It’s like do I break the social contract of birthdays to make the parents happy, even though most of the guests will bring gifts and I will look stingy? Or do I bring a present and risk upsetting the hostess? Usually I bring a fancy pop up card or one that can be turned into a standee or mask.
I had a crapton of toys growing up because I was the only grandchild in my family for 8 years, but I wasn’t spoiled because I was taught generosity and empathy. I still remember the excitement of welcoming my first cousin into the world. Because she was also a girl, I gave her all of my favorite baby toys and books, and when she was older, it was my great pleasure to use some of my summer job money to chip in for the Barbie Dream House she told me she desperately wanted. I think teaching your son to share his toys, give away things he’s not using anymore to younger relatives or charities, and of course buy thoughtful gifts for other children’s parties will go farther than trying to change parents’ behavior.
Post # 34
The “no gifts” thing has been done a lot in my 3-yr-old’s class. For exactly the reason you’re describing. I don’t find it rude or ungrateful at all; most parents around here understand that the kids already have so many toys.
Anyway, one cute way I’ve seen is to go with the theme of the party. For a superhero party, it said something about “Our superhero’s lair is full of [something superhero related]. Please no gifts”. Which to me, meant that they don’t want more toys to take up space in their house. So we brought a card with a $10 gift card to a place like Chic Fil A (somewhere kids like).
For my son’s 3rd birthday, we also knew he didnt need a gift from each of his school friends. I simply wrote “no gifts please”, and most people complied. When we go to his friends’ parties, whether they say “no gifts” or not, I usually have him make a card for the birthday kid with crayons, stickers, etc (which he loves), and he loves to give that to the friend and point out what all his drawings are.
Post # 35
I didn’t read all the posts, but can you do something like a book swap instead? Each child brings a book and you do an anonymous swap? That way everyone gets to satisfy the “bring something” urge but you don’t end up with a ton of crap. And, yay books.
Post # 36
If an invite said ‘no gifts’ I’d take them at their word and be grateful.
Post # 37
It’s not rude. It’s just a hard concept to get used to. I have always felt weird about not bringing a gift (even though when I tell people ‘no gifts’, I l know I mean it). I finally know all the other moms though. So now we talk and all promise to obey and not bring gifts!
Post # 38
I wrote that in my sons 1st bday invitation, seemed fine, still got gifts tho
Post # 39
Pinkpeep : I think it is a lovely idea, but could easily become the mess others have described. In my early twenties I was invited to a relatives” small Christmas get together and was told no gifts would be exchanged. It was so different than what I was used to and I was afraid someone would have a gift for me without having one in return. So I came with small food gifts thinking that food would not be seen as a formal gift. I figured I’d leave them in my car. Not bringing them in right away would allow me to see if anyone else had brought gifts. But the host’s son came out to the car, saw the gifts, carried them in for me, and handed them out. No one else had brought anything, and one person said with resentment ” I thought we weren’t exchanging gifts.” I learned, but I was quite embarrassed. So I think some people are so accustomed to a tradition that they will do what they have always done.
Post # 40
stephanie091512 : No, no he doesn’t, but that is a battle that I lost. DH and my son really want to invite his friends, and it really doesn’t cost us that more money aside from more pizza, so I gave in.
Thank you everyone for the different ideas. I didn’t get to talk it over with my husband yet, but we have until Monday to decide! I really appreciate everyone’s input. It is nice to see things from different persepectives before you make a decision.