(Closed) “No Gifts” on Wedding Invite

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

In this case I think I wouldn’t include the check. I think through the no gifts on invites and wedding planner teling you they weren’t accepting gifts they meant it. If I see no gifts on an invite I assume it means no gifts at all including money.

Post # 4
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@vickyness:  Do you still want to give them a present?  If you do, mail the check…or get them a present.

If I saw “No Gifts” on a invitation, I would think that the couple was asking for cash…mostly, because I can’t understand why anyone would make reference to gifts on an invite.  Plus, I think that it’s horrible that their coordinator refused your generosity.  I would be really upset about that.  



Post # 5
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

I’ve heard of couples writing “no boxed gifts” which is a horribly awful way to ask for cash, in my opinion.  But, I think in your case this couple didn’t want to accept anything – boxed gifts, or cash. 

If you want to give her the cheque, mail it to her.  Maybe she won’t cash it, though.  But definitely mail the card! 

Post # 6
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Normally no gifts means no gifts at all. But usually if you still decide to give one, they accept it. I think it’s very strange that the coordinator wouldn’t accept your card. I would take that as a sign that they seriously don’t want anything and just mail a congratulatory card.

Post # 7
193 posts
Blushing bee

@vickyness: I wouldnt send the cheque. We have stated “no gifts” and we really mean it. Send the card for certain but not the cheque imo

Post # 9
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think sending a card would be really nice, but without a check.  They may enjoy a bottle of champagne or wine though!  

Me and my Fiance are considering no gifts as well since most of our guests are traveling long distances (flights, car rentals, hotels, etc) and we really can afford to pay for the wedding ourselves.  

Now, if someone came up to us with a check – I don’t know exactly what I would do.  It is somewhat rude to turn it down, we’ve considered setting up a charity donation area so that at least people feel that they’ve contributed!

Post # 10
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I think the couple and the wedding planner made it crystal clear. I mean, if you tried to hand the planner an envelope, and the planner said no, then obviously the coupld is not even accepting greeting cards — with or without checks inside.  

don’t give them a check.

if I had asked for no gifts and somebody attempted two times to give me a check, I would be put in a position to return it to the giver, which is kind of awkward and inconvenient. 

Post # 11
3267 posts
Sugar bee

I would not send a cheque.  They have made their wishes known.  While they have not been using polite manners, it isn’t polite to force a gift on someone.

Post # 12
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

There’s not much you can do. I would send a note telling them how much I enjoyed the day, not mentioning the gift thing or including the check.

To any bees considering a “no gifts” policy: It is almost as rude as begging for money on your invitation as it is to refuse a gift given in the spirit of celebration and generoisty. If someone shows up to your wedding with a gift smile and thank them profusely.

I would be positively mortified if I had a gift refused by the gift recipient under any circumstances.

Post # 13
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Cash or a check is still a gift.  By stating “no gifts” the couple was requesting no gifts of any sort.  I think by having no place to even put a card was meant to keep others from seeing cards and thinking they should have brought a gift even though the invitation plainly stated that none were wanted.  Send the card, but not the check.

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