Post # 1
Hello all! I have a question about wedding gifts. My fiance and I live in Alaska. But we are getting married in Michigan August 2012, where we are both originally from. Most of our guests live in Michigan.
Since my fiance and I are flying to Michigan for the wedding and then flying back to Alaska after, we cannot bring gifts back with us from the wedding. We request that guests only bring cash/card gifts to the wedding or directly mail gifts to our address in Alaska. We have an Amazon.com registry, so guests can order gifts online that can be directly sent to our address.
When we send out our invitations, we will be sending out a note that we are registered on Amazon.com. Is there a way for us to make it clear to people that we do not want gifts brought to the wedding (only cash, cards, or mailed gifts)? Even wtih that, I am sure some people will do it anyway. But we still want to limit the gifts because of the hassle. Whatever gifts are brought to the wedding, we will have to delegate someone to deal with them, package them, and ship them to us. And shipping all of the gifts will not be cheap.
How do we make people realize that we cannot bring gifts back with us? They need to be mailed or in the form of a card or cash.
Post # 3
Instead of shipping gifts, I suggest you take the gifts back to the store they were purchased at, return them and then rebuy them in Alaska. I wouldn’t waste your money on shipping gifts!
Post # 4
I think word of mouth might be your best bet on this one, as it’s considered rude to have any mention of gifts at all on the invitations.
Post # 5
I think you did all that you can do. My first suggestion would be to not have a registry. I think amazon is great though for this because it offers the ship option. The only other thing I would do was maybe try to get it out through word of mouth that you prefer cash because of the travel complications.
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
I wouldn’t put that in the invitation, but you can create a wedding webiste where you explain why you’d prefer people don’t bring gifts– presumably your guests know where you live, so hopefully this iwll already occur to them.
Post # 7
You won’t ever get 100% compliance but you can try with a carefully worded statement on your registry, wedding web page, and invite inserts, whichever of those you are doing.
Please use 1234 Whatever Street, Our City, Alaska, zip, as the preferred shipping address, to minimize the risks associated with placing gifts in checked bags.
That does not sound too gift-grabby, and everyone can understand that the TSA has sticky fingers… sounds much more socially acceptable than not wanting to pay for shipping or extra baggage fees.
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Ask your family to spread the news- best way to do it.
Can you and Fiance get all of your clothes, etc. for the wedding in one suitcase? If so, you could potentially take 3 suitcases of gifts back- $50 in second baggage fees would probably be a lot cheaper than shipping. If the parents have an extra suitcase, you could take items back that way if needed.
Are you flying back to Michigan later in the year for the holidays? You could also bring things back then.
Post # 9
I think the best way etiquette wise to do this is to put an explanation up on a wedding website that your guests can visit. Just write something like “Since we will be returning home to Alaska after the wedding we don’t have space for packaged gifts. Something that travels light like a card or something shipped directly to our home is best.” That way people can sitll purchase gifts if they want they just have to be sure to send them to you. Don’t tell me you don’t want to open ANYTHING!
Post # 10
No Gifts (only Cards) at Wedding? How do I tell people?
Any mention of gifts / money / registry is considered rude. If folks ask you in regards to gifts you say “We’d love to have you come to the Wedding, that is all”
This has been the Rule of Etiquette for 100s of years… anyone wanting to buy you a gift will (you can’t really tell them not to either)
What you can do, is make sure that you have well meaning family members who pass the word, and you can include your website addy in your paperwork (although even on there you can’t be blatent about your position on gifts… just perhaps a note somewhere, say under Our Newlywed Plans, where you can mention where you are registered, or that you’re saving up for something big… such as a House, Renovations, etc)
As someone who was married the first time, back in the 1980s (before internet websites)… Trust me when I say, people will figure it out. They’ll find out what you really want, and make it happen. If you are marrying in Michigan and going to live in Alaska, then common sense would tell them that regular gifts need to either be sent to your Alaska address, or that a Cash Gift would be best.
Post # 11
@This Time Round: Relying on common sense is the worst idea ever, sorry.
I don’t understand the song and dance about gifts. It’s stupid, etiquette or no etiquette. There, I said it.
Just say what you mean already! It’s like the dinner check dance people do “No, let me pay.” “No, I insist…”. It gets old. It seems ridiculous that people can register for gifts but heaven forbid anybody mentions the “G” word.
If I was a guest of yours, OP, I would be happy to be informed that any gifts need to be shipped to your address or given as cash/card at the wedding. These are your friends and family – if you are going to offend them by saying that they shouldn’t bring giant boxed gifts to the wedding, maybe they shouldn’t be at your wedding! Just be tactful and unassuming.
Post # 12
I returned the gifts I could to Macy’s and Williams Sonoma and repurchased when I got back to New York. I left the random gifts with my parents.
Post # 13
We are getting married in Ohio and live in Texas. For the bridal shower in Ohio, I got gifts and my friends are bringing them back in my friend’s trailer. For the wedding, I put on the invitations “DUE TO TRAVEL CONSIDERATIONS, NO BOXED GIFTS PLEASE”. I haven’t heard any nasty words yet.
Post # 14
fishbone and MsBrooklynA’s advice is, I think, the way to go: polite, elegant, clear, and about as non-presumptuous as you can be when discussing gifts. As other posters noted, you shouldn’t mention gifts on the invitation itself – that looks really presumptuous. An insert directing guests to a wedding website, where you can mention something about the shipping and the air travel, is the best option.
Post # 15
lol I agree.
…and dont count on the wedding website, I put mine in the invitations and still people ask me 1000 questions for which the answers are listed on the website.
Post # 16
Wow! I am amazed at the quick responses! This was my first post as a WeddinBee member, and I thought it would be days (or possibly never) that I would get any responses. Thank you all for your help, comments, and suggestions! I am in the process of setting up a website now. I think I will be combining suggestions… they are all great! Word of mouth, website, extra suitcases, and wording suggestions. Thank you all!