No Gifts Received…?

posted 2 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 16
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

It is very weird and I am sorry but for all 35 to give you nothing not even a card it simply has to be orchestrated. 

Have they all been ok with you otherwise? It seems quite spectacularly rude and like some sort of point is trying to be made…

 

Post # 17
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2019

It is a bit odd to be honest. But I also find it super tacky that the first thing you want to do that night is go through card and find out everything people gave you – money, money for the honeymoon. It’s a bit grabby IMO. Could you not just just enjoy the fact people came to celebrate with you and you were now married? 

Post # 18
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

maccers1 :  Aww that’s a bit harsh! I think it’s quite normal to sit and open the presents and cards! It’s fun and sweet and nice to read all the well wishes. I tend to do something similar on my Birthday.

Post # 19
Member
4785 posts
Honey bee

Odd they wouldn’t even give a congratulations card?  Yup.  However, they are not obligated to help fund your honeymoon, wedding, or rehearsal dinner.

But the fact that your first instinct is to ream your husband’s family out on facebook and/or call them up and passively aggressively demand gifts to which they were not obligated to give is a bit telling and perhaps the clue as to their behavior.   Most mature compassionate adults don’t first think the most appropriate thing to do Is air grievances in public through passive aggressive Facebook posts or ask about gifts.  Is this your usual response to being slighted?

Is this unusual behavior for them?  Do they give cards for other weddings or other occasions (birthdays, Christmas) or are they not really card people?  Do they normally give you gifts?  Do they normally bring things to weddings or give separately at another time (I never bring anything to a wedding and mail something separately and that is the norm in my circle – keeping track of gifts at a party is a huge inconvenience and many couples don’t go home immediately after – I haven’t been to a wedding with a card box or gift table in at least 5 years.) How is your relationship with them otherwise?  Do you normally get along well or are things strained?  Were there any major disagreements recently?  How did they act at the wedding – did they congratulate you in person?

Post # 20
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee

It is odd that nobody on his side gave anything. But I feel like this is your husbands problem. It’s his call wether to bring it up or not. What did he think about all of this? Could it be just that they have an agreement of no presents?

Post # 21
Member
344 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
therealdill :  This is likely bad advice, but I feel like your husband should say something to your parents. Don’t accuse anyone of anything, but frame it as a worry. Such as “hey mom/dad, I just want to make sure therealdill and I didn’t do anything to upset the family during our wedding…do we owe any apologies? We didn’t get a card from ANYONE in the family and it almost comes off as orchestrated. Of course, we don’t expect gifts…but the lack of cards on such a large scale has us worried we might have some amends to make, because if we offended anyone it was definitely not intentional” 

Again, probably bad advice…but at least you’ll figure out the reasoning behind it and get some mental peace. Focus on the cards though, as expecting cash, gift, or honeyfund donation is tacky. 

Also…what does your husband think?

Post # 22
Member
616 posts
Busy bee

I know when my parents got married my mom’s relatives didn’t give gifts. Turns out her parents didn’t give gifts at weddings they went to. 

Post # 23
Member
1172 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
redbagel :  I read it more that the wedding website was on the save the date and invitations and the wedding website had registry info. I dont think she has registry info on the invitation. 

OP it’s weird. But I don’t know if there’s anything you can do..  how does your husband feel?

Post # 24
Member
852 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
therealdill :  Did your registry have a shipping address to your home? Quite a few of our guests did that and our gifts arrived in the mail before/after the wedding. I feel like in my area, it’s become the norm to not bring a gift to the actual wedding but to ship it instead.

Post # 25
Member
5004 posts
Bee Keeper

That’s bizarre. I guess cheapness is a family trait. But don’t do anything about it, it will only make you look petty. But it’s naive to say that their cheap behavior shouldn’t affect your relationship with them. Of course it will,  and it should.

Post # 26
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

View original reply
redbagel :  I agree with you 100%.  OP sounds VERY gift grabby.  Including registry info on save the dates and invitations also a year out?  Are you kidding me?  

OP-Weddings are not gift giving events.  Do most people give gifts at weddings?  Yes.  Are you obligated to?  No.  The fact that you are so upset that you didn’t get enough gifts and that you won’t be able to overcome that, not to mention ream them on FB?  You sound very entitled and bratty.  Isn’t it gift enough that these people took time out of their day and spent it with you and now hubby celebrating your union?  

Also-On a personal note, when I see a Honeyfund, cash registry or registry information constantly sent that coulple doesn’t get a gift from me at all.  They will get a card with well wishes.  That’s it.  

Post # 27
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee

It sounds more like finances are tough— maybe they spent their entire wedding budget getting to your wedding. Maybe it’s not customary for them to give gifts. Either way it’s poor form to shame those who cannot give what you clearly expected. While not even giving a card is strange don’t look too much into it. If they were upset or felt slighted then they wouldn’t have attended. 

Post # 28
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Is it odd that you didn’t even receive a single card from your husband’s side? Yes. What do you do about it? NOTHING. Gifts are not required and many people give gifts a bit after a wedding. So–it’s okay to be disappointed and wonder if there is something going on behind the scenes. But to even consider reaming these people on social media or otherwise calling them out on it? That says a lot about you and it’s not a good look, Bee. 

Post # 29
Member
688 posts
Busy bee

This is for sure planned on their part. Sure you might get a couple guests who forget a gift/card but not 35. I had a small wedding as well and everyone brought a card with a check in it (I had no registry). I’d have your husband say something as it’s not your place. Not so much to “ream” them but just say like “what happened?” because they definetly all planned this. 

Post # 30
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I find some responses here quite harsh. In my mind certain events in life are associated with gifts. Those are mile stone birthdays, births, weedings and so on. Of course everybody can easily say “Oh it’s the thought that counts!” but if I have just thrown an expensive lavish party for everyone I would like a “Congratulations!” of some sorts. It’s just common courtesy in my mind. To completely ignore this would indeed irk me. I would feel kind of used. Everyone had a great time, so to say thanks for that through a gift/card whatever really  is not too much to ask or wish for and doesn’t feel “gift-grabby” to me. 

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