No Gifts…what to do next?

posted 2 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: How many guests brought gifts? (total)
    0-49% : (8 votes)
    10 %
    ~50% : (1 votes)
    1 %
    ~51-75% : (10 votes)
    12 %
    80% : (8 votes)
    10 %
    90% : (21 votes)
    25 %
    almost/practically 100% : (30 votes)
    36 %
    We didn't do gifts. : (6 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 47
    1463 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    Did you have mostly expensive items on your registry? I can’t believe that many people didn’t send you a gift or a card. Or maybe they gave money and it went directly to your parents, if they helped pay for the wedding and it was their friends or older relatives? In my circle of friends, we still mail a check or gift card if we can’t make it to someone’s wedding. Anyhow, I’d avoid going the whole, you didn’t give me something so I won’t give you something route, and still do a small gift for your guests’ special occasions.

    Post # 48
    6366 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I think we only had 1 couple who didnt give us a gift who attended the wedding, and many who weren’t able to attend still sent something. So I do think it’s weird that so few did. 

    But you asked what to do next – nothing. You don’t know what happened or their situations at the time. I would not stop giving gifts due to this. I didn’t get a thank you card from one of my best friends from her wedding, but I still sent her one. Tit for tat is so childish, and I think this is one of those situations to be the bigger person and move on.

    Post # 49
    5394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2018

    sunny220 :  I live in the UK and every single person I know would still class France as a destination wedding, I’m not sure why you’re trying to argue with that.

    People have to pay for transport to the airport, flights, transport from the airport, hotel for 2/3 nights etc. It adds up and it would certainly total significantly more than the cost to attend a local wedding.

    Post # 50
    6300 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I hate it when people are all like ‘oh I wouldn’t care’, because I call BS on that. I think there are VERY few people who GENUINELY wouldn’t care that 90% of their guests didn’t get them anything at all, not even a card.

    I do agree with PPs that gifts are not the norm at engagement parties, at least not where I’m from (UK). However, a card is customary, and, as with any party, usually you would bring a small something for the host and the person/people of honour (in the UK typically this would be a bottle of wine or champagne).

    When it comes to the Destination Wedding, I can see those who have traveled not bringing a gift (though honestly, my family recently traveled to Australia for a wedding and not giving a gift would not have occurred to us, it was factored into our budget); but again, to not give a card? A card is super light and costs what, $1-3?

    Finally when it comes to the US reception, again, I do see PPs point that people may not gift in the same way they would at the actual wedding; but again, I would certainly be giving a card and at the least a bottle of wine/small gift from the registry (I personally would actually treat it just the same as the wedding and gift accordingly).

    In short: zero excuse for no cards, and honestly, I think it’s cheap and thoughtless not to give a gift at the DW/reception. So yes, I would be upset.

    Over 90% of guests at ours gave both a card and gift; the 3 people who didn’t even give a card have absolutely been remembered and I did reassess my relationship with them, and would adjust my own gift-giving to them in the future. To me, not being able to afford a gift is understandable; but to value a relationship so little you can’t be bothered to write a few words of congratulations in a card? yeah, no.

    Post # 51
    38 posts

    zzar45 :  I would class it as a close wedding, and we live in the North so it’s further away than people in the South. We regularly go to France for long weekends. I’m sure it’s only around 2/3 hours on the Eurostar. 

    Post # 52
    6300 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2014

    nicotinerush :  totally depends on where in France the wedding is, and where in the UK the guests live. Realistically guests would need to book stay for a minimum of 2 nights even if they live in central London and are taking the Eurostar. Though I do see your point; if it was at a weekend I wouldn’t see it as much different to a wedding in the UK which I’d still be shelling out for at least 1 night’s accommodation for, plus hey, the UK isn’t France! Would sooner spend my weekend in France than here lol

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