Post # 1
My Fiance and I have finally started talking wedding after almost 6 months of engagement. We just have not been ready and we are just enjoying our engagement. This past weekend, we both agreed that we want to do a destination wedding to our favorite vacation spot and the package that we are thinking about only allows for 30 guests (15 each, perfect!). We are both in agreement that this is what we want, we are very private people and would much rather have a small affair than dread a big, white, traditional wedding (not that there is anything wrong with that…it’s just that after much discussion, we realized that it is not ‘us’.)
So on Monday, his female co-worker who is old enough to be his mother asked him (when a couple starts planning, do they give off an odor that alerts other people? geeze! All of a sudden people are asking us left and right if we are planning yet) if we have talked about our wedding yet. He said, ‘Actually, yes, we started looking online over the weekend and putting together a binder of ideas and we decided on a VERY small destination in Florida.”
Her reaction? “NO GIRL WANTS THAT! WHY WOULD YOU NOT ALLOW HER TO HAVE THE BIG WEDDING OF HER DREAMS! EVERY LITTLE GIRL DREAMS OF A BIG, WHITE DAY WHERE SHE CAN BE THE PRINCESS!”
Is there anyone out there that is with me in the sense that they never thought about weddings as a kid? My barbies did not act out “Wedding DAY!”. I didn’t daydream about Prince Charming. I never even looked at dresses or rings or anything wedding related until months after I got engaged. It just never was an interest of mine. I always figured if it was going to happen it would, and then moved on to do things I was interested in. The more time goes on, the more I can’t stand how nutty weddings make people!!! Why does everyone assume that because you are a female…you should be wedding obsessed and want the biggest day possible? That is not always the case!
Post # 3
100% agree with you! I;m having about 35 people join us in Las Vegas. I wanted less. Things don’t always have to be big and dreamy stereotype if you dont want it to be. People look at me werid too.
Although, I do believe that a girl should wear whatever dress she so chooses and have a fabulous honeymoon.
Post # 4
My husband and I were the opposite of what I guess people consider normal. He wanted the big fancy wedding with all of our family and friends, I wanted destination with just family. We compromised with a 30 person ceremony and a bigger reception/dinner after.
Post # 5
I’m totally with you! I never wanted a huge wedding either…And I honestly, I don’t think I ever acted out being a bride either as a little girl…now that I think about it. lol
Post # 6
@MASPA: I do believe that a girl should wear whatever dress she so chooses and have a fabulous honeymoon.
Couldn’t have said it better myself!!!
@artbee: We thought of that, too….smaller ceremony and bigger reception. If for some reason we can’t do a destination, we will go ahead and do that I think.
Post # 7
As I’ve said before, anyone who starts a sentence, “All men…” or “All women…” (or in this case, “every little girl…”) is about to tell you a lie.
Post # 8
I didn’t! I’m a HORRIBLE bride candidate. My friends are obsessed with rings, wedding dresses, ettiquette, babies adn everything (none of them are even engaged) and It took me a good 8 months to even choose a date or a state to have it in.
I don’t get off on fairy dust in mason jars, or DIY projects. I didn’t do things like engagement photos or care to. Everyone is different and I respect girls who do like those things!
We don’t even have bridal parties because its not a tradition in Argentina ( your parents walk you to the altar and stay there )
I too am having an intimate florida destination wedding 🙂 ( well Im the only one from florida at the moment, the rest of the family is flying in from NY , Austria, & Argentina)
However, I am a huge fan of marriage (the sacred covenant) and I value it very much- just not all the trappings and things involved in todays stereotype. I am excited to share our special day with family and friends in celebration.
Post # 9
Nothing about big foofy weddings is appealing to me. We’re doing Justice of the Peace and then a party (somewhat traditional) reception. My dress is a simple white dress about $30 off the sales wrack and I love it;) Got my shoes at target on sale too LOL…. we’re having it on St Pat’s day and there will be green beer.
Post # 10
@soyjoy222: Argh, that is frustrating. It sounds like this co-worker (old enough to be his mother) might also simply be of a different generation, culture or whatever and so she is making that statement from her perspective. There are certainly plenty of people that prefer the smaller intimate wedding, females included. Just look around here on the Bee and there’s such a fantastic variety of weddings, big and small, and all beautiful.
I just commented to my Fiance last night that as a little girl I was never one to dream of the wedding day, what I will wear, what all the colors and flowers will be, etc. I was still very girlie but for some reason it wasn’t my focus as much as I see it was for others.
What’s interesting for me, though, is that when those few wedding-related things come up that I am adamant about, I’m surprised to learn I really do have a strong connection to very particular things. For instance, the processional music. Last night I got an email from our musician who said she couldn’t transpose this certain song I was led to believe she could. It is the only song I’ve ever pictured in my mind as being the perfect song for the processional. I was crushed, but Fiance and I worked out something that, hopefully, will also work for her.
Anyhow, I share your feelings and so when people react like that toward you, just smile proudly at your decision and say they can rest assured that your dream is being fulfilled.
Post # 11
I think everyone just picks and choses which parts of wedding tradition or ‘norm’ that they wish to follow. Older people may not understand that quite as much because I think really, so many weddings are outside of of the ‘box’ these days and they might just not know it. There is no ‘right or wrong’ In My Humble Opinion
Fiance had the big catholic wedding with first wife, so for a nano second I thought I might want that too but after I realised I didn’t have to compete or try and top that wedding (thanks for talking me down Bees!!), I happily went back to the plan and am sticking to what I’ve always pictured. A wedding on the beach. A wedding with only family and select friends. A wedding where you actually knew everyone’s name. A wedding where people could wear whatever they wanted. A wedding where it was a simple celebration of my Fiance and my love. One where I still wore a pretty dress and he gets to don his Army formal dress uniform. Where I will still have something borrowed, something blue, something old and something new. I will carry a bouquet. Hell, I am even making a few pomanders for my ceremony. This is perfect for myself and my DFH. 🙂
Post # 12
I never dreamed of a wedding, and my Future Sister-In-Law fought me tooth and nail about it, claiming I had to dream about it and there is no way I didn’t want a wedding.
If it was completely up to me, we would have gone to the courthouse and be done, but he’s the first in the family (and of the grandkids) to get married, so it’s a huge ordeal. Heck, when we talked about going to the courthouse, they all were going to show up to it.
I gave in, and now I’m having ~100 person wedding.. I don’t mind being the center of attention, but weddings just aren’t my thing…
Post # 13
Why is it always seem to be co-workers that have super strong opinions on matters non-work related??
Weddings are about the COUPLE, noone but you and your Fiance can define what a “wedding” is to you but the two of you.
I hate to say it, but you will get people giving their unsolicited “advice” the whole time you’re engaged.
There’s a guy at my work (who’s old enough to be my dad) that yells out to me everytime I pass him in the hallway, “I’m telling ya, just elope!! Saves money!” Every. Single. Time. I just want to scream! Ahhh!
Post # 14
Oh but common..he probably thinks he is hilarious!
Post # 15
I agree…many people (and a lot of times older women) believe weddings are just one way. They’re traditional, they’re in a church, the woman wants to be the princess, etc.
Throughout all the planning I realized I’m sort of an in-between gal. We are having the LARGE wedding, mostly because it’s what Fiance wants and his family wants. I don’t particularly care, so I wouldn’t begrudge them that and I like their big get-togethers. But all the wedding planning has made me tired of it and I wish sometimes now that we would have just eloped haha. Yes, I want to get married in a church and want the “traditional” reception. But an overabundance of white makes me want to puke. FI’s family has given me odd looks because I wanted to wear colored wedding shoes. I LOATHE the idea of being treated like a princess and flat-out refused to wear a tiara because of that. My hair will be down, and I’ve been told that it’s not fancy enough.
Having a destination wedding sounds WONDERFUL, and if that’s what you two want, go for it.
Post # 16
I’m the typical romantic-at-heart, fairy-tale loving, fantasy nut. LOVED Snow White, Sleeping Beauty (my most FAVORITE movie), Cinderella, etc. And Robin Hood with Errol Flynn…
HOWEVER, I NEVER dreamed of my wedding day. Not. ONCE. No big white poofy gown, no huge-ass wedding, no fomal traditions…
Now, I’d be happy with a nice cheapo wedding gown for photos (to pass down to the kids, grandkids, etc) and the wedding WE want…. that isn’t going to be traditional AT ALL. Well, except for the bouquet and garter toss, cake cutting, and a few other typical wedding-type stuff. 😉
do what YOU TWO want, not what others expect of you.