(Closed) No Host After Party?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
47421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
anonybeemas :  Nothing says “you didn’t make the list for the ceremony or reception” like an invitation to an after party only. There is no way that these friends won’t think they should bring a  gift.

Why not wait until after your honeymoon and host your friends at home?

 

Post # 4
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee

For friends who’ve had a small wedding (family only) I’d love to attend a celebration for them and wouldn’t feel put out at all.

You might be too busy and tired between the wedding and honeymoon but a lovely celebration party when you get back could be good. Friends of mine have just booked a hall/room at the back of a local pub and put a buffet on. We all bought our own drinks (but that’s totally ok in the uk) and it was a relaxed get together. Whilst the couple werent after gifts, Lots of us brought small token gifts and a card because we’re friends.

Post # 5
Member
2652 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Call the dinner a dinner and call the “after-party” the reception and invite the extras to just the reception.

Post # 6
Member
4905 posts
Honey bee

Honestly, the only polite way to do this, especially since you’re saying “no host” is to not associate it with your wedding (I personally would also wait longer).  People don’t need a consolation party (especially one where they are paying their way) and you can have parties for any reason.  Just because it may be in proximity to your wedding doesn’t mean all parties you throw have to be “wedding-themed” and there are all sorts of ways to hang out with and show appreciation for your friends. 

Good excuses for parties:

*Summer barbecues (also Memorial Day and Labor Day if you’re in the U.S.)

*Oscars parties (make movie themed snacks, watch the Oscars, have a drinking game)

*Found a great new recipe and want to show it off with a dinner party

*The Superbowl (even people who don’t like football still enjoy the commercials and half-time show)

*Costco had a great sale on beer party!

And so on and so forth…

Post # 7
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’m all for doing whatever you want, but I agree with PPs that a party the day after the wedding calls attention for everyone that there was a celebration that they weren’t invited to – and that it would be a lot more fun to have something a little later.

On the other hand, I also believe that friends are people who support your choices (I mean in general, when, like this, you choice to have a small wedding isn’t really hurting yourself or anyone else) and that at the end of the day, maybe checking in with a few of them is more relevant to your life than what random ppl like us on the internet think!  I’ve been to weddings that broke weddingbee ‘etiquette rules’ before I even knew that such things existed, and I didn’t know or care at all.  🙂

Post # 8
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’m a little confused, because I’ve always assumed “no host” parties relating to weddings were meant to be after the reception. Essentially, the point of the no host party to me was that “hey, we already fed and watered you, now we’re just continuing the party.” 

Here’s the thing: what it sounds like you’re doing is kinda casually hanging out with your friends. If you want to celebrate your wedding with them, you kind of have to host SOMETHING because the party is specifically about you guys. 

I think the idea of a barbecue at home is great, but again I think you need to host a little more than your guests. You can make it byob and a bit of a potluck, but you guys could be in charge of meats, cooking, and plates/utensils, stuff like that. 

Post # 9
Member
14153 posts
Honey Beekeeper

It’s rude to invite people to an after party in your honor never mind telling them they should pay for it.

As for no host events in general, if you are inviting people to something and planning and organizing it, you pay. The only way “no host” is ever appropriate is if a group of people go in on something together. 

Post # 10
Member
1973 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Rude, doubley so because they didnt make the cut for your wedding. Now you want them to pay their own way for the honor of celebrating your marriage afterwards. Dont do it!

Post # 11
Member
992 posts
Busy bee

I have been to similar after parties for friends who had imediate family only weddings or had weddings in locations that many of their family members couldn’t get to.  That said, they have been hosted.  It wasn’t as grand as a proper wedding reception, but food was provided.  You could even do something low key at a local pizza parlour.

If I were you, I’d run your idea past some of your friends to see what they think.  This is what I do when I have an etiquette question since sensitivies vary from circle to circle.

Post # 12
Member
9384 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

one more for a house party, which you already seem to think is a good idea.

Just invite friends over for a potluck.  Before dinner make a toast to how great they all are and how much you love them.  Bam.

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