(Closed) No, I am not planning my wedding “too early”.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Definitely stop discussing anything wedding related with her.  Also, I’d refrain from telling her you are doing these things in order to have a “nicer” wedding than her.  That probably doesn’t improve the situation.

Post # 4
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You’re definitely not planning too early. We visited venues that had our date booked 13 months in advance – it’s the hazard of popular days and popular venues.

Also, we started booking other things way early. I just feel better knowing that they’re done. Plus, in my experience, life gets crazy right around the time you need to focus. Getting it done early means less that can go wrong in that moment.

That having been said, just point out that you prefer not to be rushed and this is the way you want to do things. It’s hard to swallow the retaliation snark, but at least you know this has all to do with her, and nothing to do with you.

Post # 5
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have to agree. Stop telling her about the details and she will have nothing to complain about. It sounds like there is a rivalry there so why continue it? If she asks for specifics then tell her you have not decided yet.

Post # 6
Member
2262 posts
Buzzing bee

I know its difficult to have her second-guess all your decisions and your planning process, but I bet shes probably a bit jealous that she had to throw together her wedding (even though it was her choice to get married 4 months after her engagement). Considering she is going to be family soon, I wouldn’t cut her out completely but just limit the wedding talk. I might even go as far as asking her to help with any little things, just so she feels a part of your day, but thats definitely your call.

@JenniBride: Exactly what I was going to say.

Post # 8
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I have come to the conclusion that people are idiots! Your FCIL seems to be one too 🙂 LOL

I have had some issue with people disccusing my wedding when I mention things, so I just don’t discuss anything with anyone not in my party, i.e. Fiance, my mom, his parents and my girls (his guys don’t care lol) everyone else, I say nothing….no FB posts, and I have even limited my blogging because everyone has an opinion and because only mine and FIs opinion matters, I don’t post anything anymore (except on here). Enjoy your wedding planning and leave her out of it…:) Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Honestly, I think she is jealous, pure and simple. You know, and I know, that for the wedding yu want to have, you will need get things going a year out. It is fact.

Perhaps you could tell her that by getting things done sooner rather than later, you are saving loads of money. Last minute bookings cost more, and if you have lots of DIY projects that will save money but take lots of time.   I wouldn’t try to continually defend yourself–you are not in the wrong here. In the end, she probably won’t see the light (there seems to be deeper issues with her attitude) but if you just smile and say “you will see” maybe she will ease off.

I have a friend who can’t believe we would pay a caterer, for a venue, etc.. She always reminds me that she got married in her future parents-in-laws’ backyard, had a potluck, and her best friend made her wedding gown, and it was the most beautiful wedding ever. In other words: Don’t waste your money on all that fancy stuff! That type of wedding is perfect for some brides, but not my style AT ALL. I only plan on doing this once, and I’m doing it my way! 

Post # 10
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with @JenniBride: 

Post # 11
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would refrain from discussing your wedding plans with her or anyone for that matter. You have your Sh*$ together, you know what you are doing. You are not booking too early. People are stupid, your FCIL is jealous because you have everything planned and organized and you know what you want, and it’s going to be fabulous from how you described your venue/location of your wedding. She is jealous because she did everything in haste for her own wedding and doesn’t want your wedding to be better than hers. I mean, she didn’t even have a photographer, WTF? My Future Mother-In-Law would make stupid comments when I began planning my wedding 1 1/2 years ago. But guess what? Because I planned ahead, got my thoughts together and knew what I had to do, I pretty much have it all done, with no stress at all! I won’t be doing things last minute, like her and the rest of FI’s family. They can barely get their shit together to even get their attire ordered/bought and they look at me like I am crazy? Eff off! You are doing everything right, always go with your gut instinct and to hell with everyone else.

Post # 11
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

People kept telling me that I was planning too early so I let it get to me a little and slowed down.  Now that it is 2 months away I have more than I can handle.  I am having to take time off work in order to complete things on time and my invitations still have not gone out yet (tommorow hopefully!!)

Dont let it get to you!!! There is no too early just too late =)  This way if you do finish early you can relax at the end instead of scrambling around. 

Post # 12
Member
6512 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with @JenniBride: as well. 

Post # 13
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

don’t let anyone rain on your parade! it’s too bad that she can’t just be happy for you…I’ve found that some people are just too opinionated! I’d just keep things to myself and only share the details with people who are truly positive instead of negative!

Post # 14
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it’s pretty well standard knowledge or at least accepted that weddings take about a year to plan nowadays. So your timeline is NOT off in the least. We booked our venue 13-14 months in advance. We had a long engagement and simply wanted to put the deposit down.

It’s really nice to have that cushion of time, especially if you want to have some DIY projects.

I’ll probably sound dumb saying this, but she’s just jealous. She doesn’t want anyone else to upstage her instead of realizing that everyone has different weddings. Agreed with just don’t talk wedding planning with her anymore.

As long as you’re creating the wedding you want and can afford, that’s all that matters. Stay away from her negativity!

Post # 15
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

No such thing as too early!  We booked our venue 14 months in advance and started looking a month before that.  By the time we were close to booking the venue I was nervous we had started too late!

Stop talking to her about the wedding.  I agree with @JenniBride: about telling her you want it “nicer” than hers.  The end result WILL be nicer and that is all you need! 

I spend my time talking to Bees because I don’t want to burn my family and friends on weddings.  Choose the important stuff to talk to family about and leave the rest to the Bees!

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