Post # 1
A hometown friend recently found that she & her husband were not invited to a "step-family" wedding which is in a few weeks. Spoke to 2 other siblings who received their invitations and one other sibling who didn’t. Lost in the mail? Looks like 2 were invited and 2 were not..
Father of groom (Mickey) has been a couple with my friend’s mother in law (Minnie)for about 20 years. Groom and his brother are like "step-siblings"and have been kinda like family, sharing many but not all holiday dinners, cookouts. All good fun & feelings, until hurt feelings now. Was it an oversight?
The 2 siblings and their spouses who were invited RSVP’d before this was noticed. Minnie mentioned to Mickey that she was hurt that only 2 of her 4 married children were invited. Mickey is non-confrontational so she’s not sure if he mentioned to his son the groom, or if he did ,whether he made the bride aware. The two couples attending feel they’ll be there to represent part of the family and the omission will be noticed then; one of the uninvited, thinks they should change their reply and not attend.
What is the right thing to do? My friend just feels it will cause a permanent rift in this "step-family." They probably won’t all be at the same Thanksgiving table again…
Can anyone make a suggestion? (ps… none of the 6 children are under 36)
Post # 3
Wow, sticky situation! Has anyone asked the bride & groom? It could just be an accidental oversight, or invites might have been lost in the mail or delivered to the wrong address.
In my mind there is no sense in getting upset about something until one knows for sure there is something to get upset about.
Post # 4
I would have one of the couples who did get an invite call the bride/groom and say, "I just wanted to touch base. I spoke with my siblings and the didn’t get an invite. I wasn’t sure what to do, but on the chance that it was lost in the mail, I thought I’d just call and let you know."
If the invites were lost in the mail (I had some invites with absolutely correct addresses get returned as undeliverabel!) it will look like those siblings were too rude to RSVP!
So just go ahead and have one call them and politely ask.
Post # 5
Is there anyway "Minnie" could ask the groom about this?
Post # 6
Gosh this is kind of tough. Are there family problems? They are essentially step siblings with the groom. I don’t see it as typically OK for him to invite 2 siblings but not the other two. (This isn’t like second cousins or something.)
I’d like to know more about Mickey’s reaction when Minnie brought this up. I can’t blame her for checking it out. Maybe they had the addresses wrong. Did he not say much because he knew they weren’t invited? Was he in the dark? I think he should really at least investigate what’s up. Maybe it was a misunderstanding. If they don’t intend to invite the other two siblings, I don’t think they should try to strong arm them in to inviting them. Then no one will be happy. The bride and groom won’t be. The step siblings won’t be. They might go, but deep down they’ll know they weren’t really wanted there.
As for the invited siblings skipping, they have to make the decision that makes them feel comfortable. If I was invited and knew my sibling wasn’t, ( without an extremely rare but reasonable explanation), I would be inclined to decline the invitation. Yes it could cause a problem in the family. But really if the other siblings aren’t invited, the problem is already caused.
Post # 7
Thanks for your thoughts which I passed along to my friend. There are no family problems , none until this. As far as the lost mail, the bride was the one to receive the response cards, and one would have thought by now she would have been calling the "stragglers" who hadn’t replied.
I found a few more details…It’s a black tie at an exclusive resort with a brunch the next day. Mickey and Minnie, who live in the next town, have even been reserved a room there compliments of the B&G! It’s a pretty big shindig to omit 2 siblings and their spouses. Sounds like Minnie’s too upset to ask, she’s just waiting for the whole thing to be over. It’s really a shame. I’m ready to mail an anonymous note to the bride&groom! Should the uninvited 2 siblings send them a wedding card after the date has passed? Or is that a faux pas?!!