@westcoastbabe: OMG! I was EXACTLY where you are at. Me and my other half got into a screaming match and a 2 day long fight over this topic and I almost said NO wedding AT ALL!….it was BAD. I was in tears with my girlfriends over it but when I sucked it up and put on my big girl panties. I asked for a poll from everyone. Most agreed that a wedding is an ADULT event and my maid of honor even commented that if you cant live without your kids for FOUR hours, you got bigger problems than not being able to show up to a wedding (she has 2 little ones under 8yrs old). To the guests who have a difficult time finding babysitters, I feel for ya and I understand, but I expect that you would put your kids before a party on your priority list and thats just part of being a parent. Some MOMS were telling me that its not my problem to worry about parents getting babysitters and that even they don’t wanna listen to their kids scream or keep em from tearing stuff up…. I know some righteous people!
I presented my points to my fiancee when we had calmed down and stated this:
We can’t afford to have a separate ‘party’ for the kids
The venue itself is not kid friendly/safe (its the ruins of an old mill…think rough hewn rock everywhere and imagine the running around….)
I don’t want to have to referee parents who cant/wont referee their kids
Its JUST 4hrs
Its NOT personal so please don’t make it that way
I will also be declining my own nephew who is very well behaved to be fair and I will be getting fire and brimstone for that….
My fiancee’s side of the guest list has WAY too many kids for me to even think about it. Itd be like planning a kids birthday party the size of MY guest list! NO FR**KIN WAY! I put my foot down on that one because much like you, I can’t afford that!….I’am having an under 100 guest list mostly because my fiancee would get out of control and invite the mailman and his mother but the venue precludes anything bigger….(you see I PLANNED this very carefully to be that way).
On the kids thing, my fiancee was indignant that I said no kids because a bunch of his women friends would be having babies that were just under a year old and he didnt want to ‘hurt their feelings’….his brother ALONE has 5 kids under 12!!! REALLY!? He’s a great guy and his kids were pretty well behaved at his sisters wedding but I told him he’s gotta get another hobby (luckily hes got a great sense of humor). His sis has a small 5 mos old baby and when we told her, she said herself that if it werent for her mother she wouldve said no kids so SHE got it…I was lucky that once I got my fiancee to just ASK people instead of assuming they would be upset and to see it objectively because it wasnt a one way street he informed his mother and asked her to inform the rest of their family. She did not try to countermand our decision and I’am SO lucky she is not a monster in law.
I’am also lucky to have good friends who respect me and my wishes but I’am not out of the woods yet. My sister is exactly as you describe your aunt….she is the baby of the family and the only one with a kid. This is the same sister who had to have a birthday party for her when our birthdays rolled around….yeah. I was informed by my father when my fiancee asked for my hand and we gave him the details that this would NOT go over well and that she is still in competition with me. I’am near terrified so I havent even told her about my engagement because with her, EVERYTHING is personal…. It really sucks when you have a tyrant who wins by sheer bullying and because ‘its just easier’ to give in. But guess what? I’am NO shrinking violet and I DO NOT deal with terrorists but I’am NOT looking forward to the fallout either. Whatever happens, me and my fiancee agreed that we would honor and defend each others decision, NO ONE is going to come between me and him and thats the end of it.
That all said, to be quite honest, she IS a great mother and she keeps that kid IN LINE. I just give him a look and he knows not to fuss with Aunty, I can take him with me to work and he helps me with almost no trouble or complaint. He’s 7 yrs old and behaves more like an adult than some employees I’ve had. He’s great, I love him to peices BUT if I say no to avoid the brats in the bunch, I HAVE to be fair and say no to all. It sucks like you would not beleive because I love my nephew more than anything else and I feel terrible but I just cant play favorites and I hope my sis understands….so wish me luck! I think everyone who is planning a wedding pretty much realizes that there is no real way to come out smelling like a rose, you WILL step on SOMEONES toes or offend this or that person even without meaning to but in a way its a lithmus test to who is there to be happy whatever the terms are or who is there to make it about them.
In closing, I just have to let off some steam….Yes, I know there are ‘bridezillas’ but the women who are TRULY that way were that way BEFORE the wedding. A wedding is stressful to plan so if a bride who is normally even keeled gets upset because the people who volunteered to be there, KNOWING WHATS INVOLVED are flaking out or just running roughshod over her, that label is straight up B.S! I have NEVER EVER had the gall to start issuing my own edicts at another persons party, if I don’t like it, I don’t go but I don’t sit there and whine about it. I don’t feel offended if I choose not to go and I don’t burn bridges over it. As long as the person who is throwing the party doesnt try and bully ME into going I’am fine and I won’t be offended if people don’t come to my party. Its NOT personal and guests dont need to make it that way. There is NO other event in which guests feel more ENTITLED to demand, bully, manipulate, guilt trip and sh*t fit their way into getting what they want than at a wedding. Ill never understand WHY is it that people feel that it is their RIGHT to make their own rules??? ESPECIALLY if they arent paying for it?….REALLY?!? To all the GUESTZILLAS: Get real and get over it! ITS NOT YOUR DAY! The bride and groom can just as easily choose to by pass all the drama and just get married in court. Be thankful someone is inviting you at all!