(Closed) No kid wedding but makinf exceptions for OOT guests

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you have kids at your wedding if there would be 50+ kids invited
    Yes : (7 votes)
    17 %
    No : (34 votes)
    83 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    979 posts
    Busy bee

    Understandable, it’s your wedding and you can do what you want….but if I were a local guest/family member, with children, coming to your wedding…having to find and pay a sitter for the night, and go to your wedding to see other children at your wedding, i’d be a bit upset.  But that’s my opinion.

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    1748 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    No no no!! All kids or no kids. I agree with pp, if I found a sitter and arranged a bunch of stuff to come to your wedding kidless and then a bunch of children are there I wouldn’t be happy.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3564 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I have a lot of kids in my family also so we are setting an age limit at 16.  The only kids attending the wedding will be my 2 flower girls and 2 ring bearers (I have 2 nieces and a nephew and Fiance has a nephew…couldn’t just pick two of them).  They will most likely be picked up by a babysitter after the dinner.  We are also planning an adult reception with drinking and adult music that I feel is not appropriate for kids.

    I personally wouldn’t make an exception for Out of Town guests. Even though I understand your thinking here, (I have struggled with this myself!) I feel it would create an issue with any other guests that were told not to bring their children.  Then you or your immediate family may be bombarded with questions as to why these kids were allowed and thiers weren’t.

    If you still want to make the exception, I suggest starting out with explaining that you would be honored to have them (the adults) as your guests and you would like for them to be able to enjoy themselves at your wedding.  Explain to them that you are having an adult-only wedding and that if they can’t make arrangements for the kids then an exception will be made.  

    I’m not sure how many kids will be coming from Out of Town but would it be possible to hire a babysitter for them during the wedding? If so, I would offer this to the parents also to see if they would be comfortable with it. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    13289 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think it’s unfair to do this.  I think your best bet would to arrange a babysitter in a close place (or hotel room or something) for all guests with children, or leave it as a no-kid wedding.  If I were in town and had to pay for a sitter, I’d be annoyed to see all these other kids running around!

    Post # 7
    Member
    979 posts
    Busy bee

    I agree with abbie!! I was invited to an adult only wedding when my daughter was about 4, it was out of town. my xSIL brought her mother along, and her mom watched all the kids in the hotel room (4 of them) while we attended the wedding in the same hotel.  That worked out well. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    221 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    Yeah if people in town can find sitters so can out of towners

    Post # 10
    Member
    1729 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think making exceptions is not ok. You need to draw a hard line in the sand. Perhaps give them the contact to a babysitting service locally–or set up something with the hotel. But don’t make exceptions–feelings will be hurt.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3769 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

    I totally agree with pp — keep your wedding adults only across the board, but offer to help people out of town find babysitters.  You might even be able to get one hotel room for all the out of town kids and have a babysitter for all of them for a night?

    Post # 12
    Member
    1748 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Do people really bring their kids to a wedding for someone they don’t know to babysit them in another location? I’m not a parent, but I don’t think I’d feel comfortable being from out of town and having someone I don’t know watch my kid (and potentially many others, thus higher chance of something happening).

    Post # 14
    Member
    2425 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    i’m going to through this out there, not popular but this was my experience with the issue. We tried to make our wedding no kids, no exceptions. It blew up in my face. Some of DH’s family flipped, and said none of them would be able to come to the wedding if they couldn’t bring their kids. (In their defense, they did live 6 hours away and had no other family, etc that could take the kids for the weekend. But the way they made a stink about it was extremely rude). My Mother-In-Law did offer to pay for a babysitter, and like @caits615: said they refused because they did not want someone they did not know watching their children. We wound up caving to them because these were people that we are close enough to that we wanted them to be there, some were in the bridal party or giving readings in the wedding. If it was someone who I wasn’t as close to, I would have just said I’m sorry you can’t attend then.

    I did have other in town guests who have children, and never even asked if the kids could come. They all found sitters, etc, and all seemed very happy to have a “grown up” night out. We did not receive any complaints after the wedding.

    There were 6 of these “exception” kids, 3 of which were nursing infants. Lucky for us they were very well behaved, but it does irritate me that I got pushed into it. My overall point is, no, it’s not ideal, but sometimes you get forced to make exceptions. But it’s best to attempt to pick a rule and stick to it.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1748 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @ChemistryBride:  When my sister got married and chose to not have any kids at her wedding she had people throw fits over it and it was ridiculous. She ended up having people come with their kids anyway, after she told them no kids. So then you have the people who followed her request and set something up with a sitter and they’re at the wedding seeing other people there with children- I remember it pissing both my sister and mother off, understandably.

    Post # 16
    Member
    435 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I agree! The kids or no kids should be a rule — no exceptions. Exceptions just lead to hurt feelings, just ask me, I know! 🙂

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