Post # 1
My fiance and I don’t want kids at our wedding. However, at the time of our wedding, my fiance will have a 2yo nephew… is there anyway I can respectfully say they can’t come? Or are we sort of obligated 🙁
I appreciate any insight/etiquette!
Post # 2
You can have a completely child-free wedding; just know that it is likely your Future Sister-In-Law or Future Brother-In-Law may decline to come if his/her child isn’t invited and it may cause hard feelings. That is totally your right, though. It’s also fine to invite children in circles — a reasonable cutoff would be nieces/nephews only, if you did want your nephew there.
We are having a child-free wedding and while some people are upset about it, we stuck to our guns. To have invited children would have meant to double our guest list, and we did not want to do that.
Post # 3
“They” can come if you are referring to the nephew’s parents. If you are not inviting any kids, you are not obligated to invite the nephew. It is however, ok to invite the children of siblings and no other children.
Post # 4
A word in private to the parents is best. Probably it’s best coming from your fiance since it’s his sibling who is one of the parents.
You’re not obligated, but a lot depends on the family dynamics. In my extended family, nieces and nephews are always invited, even if the wedding is otherwise child-free. So we had one 2 year old niece, and she was no trouble. But a lot depends on the parents and the child. We weren’t considering not inviting her, but if we had, it would have caused more tension that it was worth.
Post # 5
Of course you aren’t obligated. You can, however, make an exception for an immediate family member’s child without allowing any other children to attend.
A compromise possibility is to look into a nanny or a sitter who will stay with him on the premises or nearby. That way, the nephew can make an appearance and then be taken back to a room where parents can check in throughout the reception.
Post # 6
If your only issue is the one child, it might be best for all involved if you draw a firm boundary about it. We had a mostly child free wedding but our child and the children of our siblings were there (so the two year old running around was in good company). I wouldn’t want to have just one toddler at my wedding and I wouldn’t want to be the only mommy chasing a toddler at a wedding.
Post # 7
I think if you want to be respectful about it you may need to have a private discussion with the parents. Just explain that you have to draw a hard line or others will be upset that you made exceptions.
On the other hand if you want him there but no other children maybe include him in the wedding and say only the ring bearer and flower girl are allowed to attend. Or you could just say no children at the reception but all are welcome to the ceremony.
Post # 8
Thank you all for the thoughtful responses. I like the idea too of trying to be welcoming for the ceremony but maybe not for the reception.
And yeah, it would literally be the one child since it would be immediate family… I have a year to really feel things out and assess the situation (two years until the wedding), and maybe I can indirectly start probing with the Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law about their kid. I agree though that given its fiancés fam he should be the one to ultimately have the convo.