Post # 1
So my fiancee has told me he wants a no kids wedding other than the bridal party. I have a large family with about 15+ little kids. I know you aren’t supposed to tell them this on STD, invite, or website. I was thinking of emailing or texting them to let them know now. Our main reason is the cost. I was initially expecting my wedding to be $15,000 it will easily be double that with the food so we are really trying to cut extras out (and kids don’t eat full meals most of the time). I think they will understand. The only kid (flower girl) we are having is my bridesmaids daughter since she is a single mom (sometimes she can’t get child care and I would hate if she bailed because of that!).
How to word the email or text with out sounding rude or disrespectful? How did everyone announce to their families they were having a no kid wedding? It is really my fiancee’s wish for the no kid part.
Post # 2
Well don’t tell people you are having a no kid wedding when there ARE kids there. Since there will be kids attending, the best way is to just write peoples names on the invitation on who you want to invite. if they try to RSVP for their kids you can call them and say the invitiation was just for X and Y.
Post # 3
I agree with Jellybellynelly, just put “Sam and Erika Smith” if you aren’t including their children and most people will get the point. Usually if the kids are invited as well you would put “Smith Family” or something. Have you asked your caterer about doing kid sized servings, though? If it’s a buffet you could always just plan to pay for one meal for every two (or even three) kids. They usually make a lot of food anyways and like you said, kids don’t eat full meals most of the time. But I totally get not wanting kids there…we went back and forth on this and it looks like we will have a few young’ns.
Post # 4
Don’t include children on the invites at all, don’t mention it. Technically there will be one child at your wedding, but since she is in the wedding party you should be fine.
Be prepared for blow back about it and for people to not come because of it. It really depends on whether kid free weddings are something that’s done in your area.
But the best course of action is to just tell people, that you’re close to that have kids and may be expecting to bring their kids. Especially if those people will be making travel plans prior to receiving an invite.
Post # 5
I also don’t think it’s poor etiquette to include it on the website. Depending on which site you use, you can probably add a FAQ page that gently says “we love your kids but we’re giving you the night off” or something to that effect.
Post # 6
We had no children (except for the flower girl) at our wedding but we also held it at an all inclusive adult resort so that alone let everyone know that children were not allowed. We did have it posted on our website as well.
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
We put it on our wedding website that it was a no kid wedding (worded differently of course). We explained it over the phone to anyone who was confused.
Post # 8
well you’re not having a no kids wedding, so don’t tell people you are. Address the invitations to those invited. Normally I’d also tell you to put a note about the wedding being “adults only” on your website (we did this) but since it’s not adults only you don’t have that option. Don’t reach out and text people – but do be prepared to answer questions when family reaches out to you about the kiddos.
Post # 9
We are not having any children in our wedding, and I am very set on this. After hearing a couple of stories when polite wording along the lines ‘we would prefer if you left your kids at home’, ‘we want you to relax without the little ones’ etc were interpreted as it still is kids optional, I am not taking any risks. I will put a blunt ‘this is adults only event’ on save the dates as well as actual invites.
Post # 10
I’m just going to add be prepared for some serious backlash- you’re allowing your friend to bring her daughter but your family can’t bring their children?
sorry bee but good luck explaining that one to your fam because your future DH ‘wants no kids’
Post # 11
I think flower girl or Paige boy is the exception to the no kids rule. Clearly write on the invitations who is invited to the wedding.
We did this and guests clearly got the message. It’s rude to say no kids.
Post # 12
It is perfectly acceptable etiquette-wise to only invite children in the wedding party to the reception. You can include something on your website to that effect.
It is never acceptable to point out who is not invited. Address your invitations to those who are invited. Note the number of seats allotted on the rsvp card.
Do not use patronizing language like “we love your kids but we’re giving you the night off” anywhere. It is not up to you to tell parents how to enjoy their free time. They can choose to attend or decline if they don’t want to leave their children with a caregiver.
When the subject of your wedding comes up, start making casual reference by saying something like “we sure hope you are able to find a sitter so we can celebrate with you”. That will open the door to a discussion before you even mail the invitations.
Prepare a response for those who will demand their children be allowed to attend or cross out “2 seats” and change it to “3 ” or more.
“I’m sorry. There must have been a misunderstanding. We are unable to accommodate the children. If this means you will be unable to attend, we will miss you at the wedding.”
Post # 13
We put this on our RSVP card
“We wish we could have our younger friends and family but this is an adult only event”
No one even questioned it and a couple friends used the same wording on theirs hahaha.
My brother had a no kid wedding with one kid guest and no one cared, at least no one said anything.
Do whatever you want, people might have a thought or two about it but it won’t affect your day.
Post # 14
it is $16 a head for children. We have 130 people already. My fiancee does not want kids at the event. My fiancee let me let my bridesmaid bring her kid since she is a SINGLE mom. I have 15+kids that would need to be invited. We just don’t want that many kids there.
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
Disclaimer: I don’t particularly give a rats furry butt what etiquette dictates on this issue so if thats important to you dont listen to me.
We put it on the website under our FAQ section and addressed STDs by specific names. After a few people either overlooked the website, completely ignored that their kids weren’t mentioned on the envelopes or said screw what they want I’m bringing my uninvited crumbsnatchers regardless we then politely put “blah and blah joyfully invite you to their adult only wedding….” on the invites. Common sense is not always common and we had neither the patience nor desire to deal with people who couldn’t respect our decision.