Post # 1
We have decided to not include children in our wedding beyond my FI’s nieces and nephew (the children of his siblings). The reasons are because our guest list would totally blow up if we had included children, and the wedding is taking place at an arts center that isn’t the most kid-friendly venue. (Also, if we had more than five children at the event, we would’ve had to pay for a security guard.) We’ve told people about this when asked and also included a small note on our wedding website that basically says “We’re sorry, beyond our nieces and nephews, we are not including children, etc., etc., please let us know if we can assist you in finding a babysitter or other accommodations.”
Everyone we’ve told has been perfectly OK with this, but the one person I knew might potentially have an “issue” is one of FI’s cousins. She’s got a five-year-old son, who is an only child. She often brings him to family events; her husband sometimes works weekends and only occasionally attends family get-togethers.
We got back her RSVP card last week, and while she said that two people would be attending (she and her husband were named on the invite), she only filled in her own name and not a second guest name. I have a sneaking suspicion she’s planning to bring her son and not her husband as the second guest. However, I obviously don’t know this for sure.
I really think it would be highly tacky for one of us to call her and say, “Hey, you aren’t planning to bring your kid, are you?”, because we don’t really know her intentions. However, we’ve already made it quite clear to other people that only the nieces and nephews are invited, and I’m sure there would be some hurt feelings if she brings her son and other people are saying … “But you told me I couldn’t bring my kids, why was she allowed to bring hers?”
I suppose I should just let it go but has anyone else run into a similar situation?
Post # 3
I am having this issue as well, with cousins RSVP’ing their children for our adults only reception. Since you aren’t positive if she is bringing her child, why not find a reason to call her and then say something like “I’m so glad you and your husband can make it, it’s great he got time off of work!” and see what she says? Good luck!
Post # 4
You could call her and say that you’re working on seating cards and need all the correct guest names, and just wanted to make sure that the second guest is her husband. It’s plausible and doesn’t sound like you’re fishing for info, and you can guage her reaction and go from there.
Post # 5
Why not call her and say how happy you are that her husband can come. Then, tell her that you have offered to find babysitting services for some of your other guests with children and were wondering whether she would like to be included in that or if she has already made other arrangements. Even if the subtext is clear, how can she complain that you tried to help her find a babysitter?
Post # 6
I completely agree with PlaidBride. We are in the exact same boat. our guest list would have jumped by….ready??… 75. That’s right 75 kids. So we are including children the same way – sibling’s children, but no others. Our exception is children IN the wedding. We’re offering a list of babysitters to any interested guests and having an area roped off for the ones we know we can’t avoid. We’ll be sure to have a TV/DVD Player, game system, and a few activities with a paid “sitter”.
You’re doing everything you can and some people still won’t “get” it.
Post # 7
Great idea, PlaidBride … the only bad thing would be if she took us up on it (nobody else has asked us for babysitting help … though she’s unlikely to do so because she only lives about 30 minutes away and I’m sure would prefer to go with someone she knows/trusts.) But that would definitely be better than her showing up with her son in tow. I know for sure that my aunt would be kind of hurt if that happened, because she is raising her six-year-old grandson and is coming to the wedding from out of state, and I already know she’s worked hard to make arrangements for him. She would never say anything about it but I’d be really sad to know she had hurt feelings, even if it was because of someone else’s bad behavior.
Post # 8
Ideally your FI’s parents would get the no kids word out in general conversation with their brothers and sisters which would hopefully trickle down to your FI’s cousin. Since you’re just talking about one kid maybe showing up uninvited, I think you have to let it go. Put the husband’s name on the 2nd place card and hopefully it will clue her in to her bad behavior if the child is the second guest. You’ve gone so far as to put it on your website so if one kid shows up that isn’t a niece or nephew…I think most people would make the assumption that your FI’s cousin doesn’t know how to follow directions, not that she is being granted special treatment.