(Closed) no kids at our wedding…but we were just told one is coming anyways…

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What would you do?
    Tell her she can't bring her baby : (63 votes)
    82 %
    Just let it go, either the baby comes, or they don't come : (13 votes)
    17 %
    Other (explain below) : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1326 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

    I would just explain to her like you’ve explained here. You’ve told everyone no kids, and if she shows up with a child, many of your other guests who you’ve already told no kids will be super upset.

    Post # 4
    Member
    7300 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    How young is the baby?

    Post # 5
    Member
    4770 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Help them find a sitter.  It is true that it is unfair and would probably create trouble.

    Post # 6
    Member
    46606 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would speak with her in person or on the phone- no email or text- and tell her that it is just not possible to allow them and no one else to bring a child . I would offer to help find a professional sitter if that is the issue for them, but otherwise I am expecting their cooperation and courtesy.

    Post # 8
    Member
    834 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @Mrs.SplatterPaint: I was torn about whether or not to invite kids. Ultimately, I knew I had family members who coudn’t afford a babysitter, but I wanted them to be there. So I can understand why she has to bring the baby. Also understand that she wants to be there to support you. The best you can do is offer to hire a babysitter for her. You have to be consistent; Since you have already told everyone else not to bring their children, she will unfortunately have to follow suit.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3981 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Honestly, I don’t think there is much you can do. You have made yourself clear, the obviously aren’t going to listen. Aside from flat out uninviting them, I think you are, unfortunately, stuck with the kid. Besides, being that there will only be one child, I doubt you will have any problems. We have 8 kids and not one single problem. Most of them just sat at their tables, bored out of their mind because they didn’t know anybody and didn’t want to dance!

    Post # 10
    Member
    2889 posts
    Sugar bee

    I had a similar situation but my guest was much better about it in that she contacted me personally and explained that they had never left baby alone (she was 5 months at the tiem) and would need to leave her with inlaws 5 hours away. She let me know that she completely understood if we did not want children and she would consider the inlaws as an option but did not yet feel comfortable with leaving her daughter with anyone else or so far away. I completely understood and was greatful that she was making the trip up (about a 10 hour drive) for the wedding so I gladly made an exception. The baby was calm and the parents took good care of her, sitting in the children’s room at the curch to be sure she was not loud. We were fine with this exception and I don’t think anyone else had a problem with it. I know at least one couple who left early because their children were home with a baby sitter but I know another couple, glad to have a child free night out stayed until the last dance because their children were home with a babysitter so you may please soem and upset others. Only you can decide if an exception is appropriate. I would just say nothing more about it and trust that since she knows this is a child free wedding, she will manage the baby. If Mother-In-Law asks, tell her you didn’t know.

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    609 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2009

    this is a tough one! i had the same thing. and you need to stick to your guns on this one. people are going to try to break you down so you HAVE to let their kid come. I found a nanny and passed that information along to the guest who wanted to bring her baby. i even offered to go with her to meet the nanny to see if we liked her. 

    No matter what you do people’s feelings are going to get hurt, but if you do it nicely and help them solve the problem they should get as mad.

    Post # 12
    Member
    185 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Hire a babysitter for her.Smile

    Post # 13
    Member
    10287 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    It’s their baby so it’s their responsibility to make arrangements or stay home. Simple as that. You can’t make an exception for them when your other guests had to make arrangements for their children. Just the fact that she replied saying she’s bringing the kid anyway would get an automatic “Psh, think again lady!” from me. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I would call her, explain that Future Mother-In-Law is very angry about the no-kids request, but you just don’t have the space or money to invite them all, and you know that she will flip out if someone else shows up with their child, and that it would mean so much to you if she could spare you that drama and find a babysitter.

    Post # 15
    Member
    814 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Call them up and politely explain what you said here. It’s an adult-only even and you can’t accommodate a baby. End of story. It’s not that hard to find someone to look after a baby for one day.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1962 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I would call her and tell her what you told us. If you are not allowing any other guests to bring children there should be no exceptions if the baby is old enough to be with a sitter. People will be angry, but they will also be hurt if they see somebody with their child when they werent’t allowed to bring theirs.

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