(Closed) No Kids At The Wedding

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

Hey!  We are also not doing kids at the wedding, and I dont feel bad about it at all.  But, we are having a very black tie wedding, late at night, formal attire, full open bar…. live music, dancing, plated dinner etc.  So kids don’t fit. 

Some of the steps we took: 

1) Save-The-Date Cards did not say “Smith Family” on the envelope. 

2) Our website includes a FAQ section.  The first question we have listed is this: 

Q: Are babies or children invited to the ceremony or the reception?

A: No. Our wedding will be a formal, black tie evening affair with alcohol, and as such is not child-friendly. Due to the historic nature and museum status of the venue, all babies and children under 18 years of age can not be accommodated. Thank you for your understanding. 

3) Our invitations have inner and outer envelopes.  On both of the envelopes, we made sure to explicitly write JUST the parent names. 

4) We’ve tried spreading the word and so have our parents. 


Post # 4
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

On the RSVP card, you can do something like…


____ Accepts

____ Declines

We have reserved ____ seats in your honor.


Or, you could put something on the wedding website, maybe “Due to space and budget limitations, we can not accommodate children or additional guests”

Post # 6
3267 posts
Sugar bee

The most polite way is to explicitly invite each guest by name. Mr. Robert and Mrs Jane Butler instead of Butler family. Then follow up with those that respond for more guests privately.

It is not polite to preemptively assume your guests will be rude$

Post # 8
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

@MsMindle:  We also did RSVP card stuff too. 

How we did it was we did 1 RSVP card per person, which also helped with meal choices.  AND I calligraphied in their name, so it was like 

______________ (with name calligraphied)

we have reserved one seat in your honor

— accepts –declines

meal choice


I really hope it discourages people from adding kids or extra guests.  Plus I think having 1 rsvp card per person makes it a bit more fancy, and so does the calligraphy.

Post # 9
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I would put it on the RSVP instead of on the invitation. 

I’d have:


___accepts with pleasure

___declines with regrets

Please indicate choice of entree

___ entree choice

___ entree choice

Adult Only Affair


EDIT: I see the RSVP cards are already made, so you just have to be very clear on the envelope (never use the word family) and you must be willing to call everyone who RSVPs for an univited child (or other guest) and explain that you simply cannot accommodate the uninvited guest.

Post # 10
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

We didn’t invite kids. When people RSVPed with additional numbers, we just called them. It only happened with a few people.

Post # 11
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

@Gemstone:  Yes I think calling is the best way to go too.   I think we as brides get a little worked up and think everyone is going to be dying to bring their kids, when in reality only a few offenders probably exist in each family. 

Your Mom could also help spread the word in the family.  Moms are good at that kind of thing.

Post # 13
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

@MsMindle:  I totally over thought it too.  We also hired a really good DOC who said she would deal with any kids that show up on the day of (I’m hoping she doesn’t have to, but a baby or a kid would cramp our wedding style immensely).  I also lied a little on my website and made it seem like our venue (a really old mansion thats a museum now) doesn’t allow kids in it.  Hopefully people just get the hint! 

Post # 14
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I contacted the mothers personally, before the invites went out, to let them know it was going to be a kids-free evening.  For those out of town, I told them I’d help find a babysitter, if they’d be traveling with their kids. 


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