(Closed) No kids at wedding…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

why is it annoying if someone double checks with you to see if their kids are invited? wouldn’t you rather they ask than to just assume they are and show up? i can’t imagine a quick phone call or email is putting you out that much.

 

not trying to be rude, but we just got a wedding invite addressed to just my husband and i (and not our baby – which i think would have been weird in and of itself, to address an invite to an 8 month old…) and we contacted the couple to see what they preferred. i didn’t want to assume anything.

 

edited to add: we didn’t have kids at our wedding, so i wouldn’t be offended if my kid wasn’t invited. i’m actually not a fan of any child but my own 🙂

 

Post # 33
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am in the SAME position. I didn’t think my family would understand that whoevers name is on the envelope is who is invited. So I basically filled out everyones RSVP for them! For example, I put we reserved __ seats for ________ and wrote their names. So it was a given that the kids weren’t invited. None the less, we’re still receiveing TONS of crap from our families about not having kids. But we didn’t receive any calls questioning whether they were invited or not (:

Post # 34
Member
2028 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I agree that it’s a harmless question. Just keep your answer short and sweet and polite.

Post # 35
Member
2969 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Proper etiquette for addressing invitations is to just write the names of the people invited on the envelope (or inner envelope). OP you are 100% correct and in line with etiqette. However, not everyone knows this or has held an event where they may need to know this, so I think the question was pretty harmless. But OP you shoudn’t feel like you did something wrong because you were 100% in etiquette. I sent out 350 invitations to my wedding and did not invite any kids, although I did invite couples that have kids. I put the parents’ names on the invitations and out of 350 I did not get any questions asking me if their kids were invited. They knew the etiquette and knew that their kids were not invited. I would just respond politely and let the parents know that their children are not invited. If they take issue with it then they can decline the invitation.

Post # 36
Member
3380 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

OP, you have nothing to apologize for, and I fully support your choice to cut out kids.

We very recently attended a formal wedding in the evening that had dancing and alcohol and only a few kids, I’d say between the ages of 3-6.

I assumed they’d be leaving after the ceremony, but since their parents were in the wedding party, they stayed. The entire duration of the reception, I think I saw one parent with their child a handful of times, and the others were simply underfoot. Literally: I witness multiple people trip over the kids, as well as the youngest pulling the table cloths (and everything on them) onto the floor, but no parents to be found. I assume they were busy enjoying the wedding festivities and being bridesmaids and groomsman.

The wedding was small and still went through 4 kegs and and several cases of wine, and I almost felt bad drinking and dancing because there was always a toddler right next to me.

Post # 37
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@lovinglace:  I don’t understand why people are saying you need to “explain” and “appologize” for not having children at your wedding. We not having children at ours and it’s no ones business but ours. I don’t need to explain or appologize for the fact that my venue will charge me $100 ++ for a child who will be served apple juice and chicken fingers and will scream/cry/call attention to themselves all evening. 

 

Frankly, it’s rude for anyone to assume their children are invited. 

Post # 38
Member
1682 posts
Bumble bee

You’re totally in the right and don’t worry your pretty little head. We took it a step further and are planning on putting “Adult Reception, 21+ please.” on our invitations. There will be an open bar and it’s black tie, there is absolutely no place for children. Plus we don’t like kids anyway. 😛

Post # 39
Member
2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@lovinglace:  I imagine someone has said this by now, but I think it’s fine to just call/email those people and let them know you are having an adults-only wedding.

I am adamantly against kids at weddings in most circumstances, so I completely sympathize!

Post # 40
Member
2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@MrsBudz2Bee:  HAHA! Yes, I agree with you about kids at weddings. So annoying. . .

Post # 41
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I had a hard time with this but my DH was understanding once we made the decision for no children at the reception–which was in the evening with an open bar.  I was sensitive to having under 21s at an open bar.  Anyway, family and guests were generally understanding, although some people said they were not going to come because they don’t use babysitters.  Meanwhle, we saw them a little while before at another wedding, child-free. Most others were understanding, though–and I often explained it was a difficult choice when I saw them or spoke to them just to let them know I was thinking about their situation and hoped they understood ours.

Post # 42
Member
2080 posts
Buzzing bee

@lealorali:  

Honestly, people are stupid about ettiquette and you must treat them as such. Weddings are for adults, not screaming children. Tell them to leave the kids at home. We had my Future Mother-In-Law tell guests who “couldn’t wait to show off their new baby!” Seriously?!

LOL

+1


DH and I recently attended a gorgeous, upscale wedding and the couple’s exchange of vows was completely ruined by a screaming toddler.


I can’t imagine putting all of that effort into planning one of the most important moments of your life and then giving a toddler the chance to spoil it. 

OP, just tell them “No.” 


Post # 43
Member
2080 posts
Buzzing bee

oops, double post

Post # 44
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@MrsBudz2Bee:  +1, if people don’t want children at their weddings they are NOT required to invite them! Apologize? Seriously? NO, that’s childish of the PARENTS for expecting an apology from SOMEONE ELSE for not making accomodations for THEIR child! 

Post # 45
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

Well, they are asking to make sure so I don’t understand the problem since they are not changing the reply card to include kids you hadnot invited. I think if someone is planning on having a child free wedding then they need to be prepared to answer the question (better than having to call those that sent in RSVPs with their kids added). I know I will be expecting that from a few when we get to that stage 🙂

Post # 46
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Its not fair, but I do agree, if you want a kid free wedding, you need to be prepared for questions.  I spoke with my mom and Future Mother-In-Law and explained to them, that no one other than the names on invite are invited.

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