(Closed) No Kids at Wedding and Everyone is Mad

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

Stand your ground. This is your wedding and you’re paying for it. I think you and your Fiance should talk to his brother and try and work something out. Surely he doesn’t want to miss his brother’s wedding over this.

Post # 5
Member
46383 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You have the right to have a child free wedding. You are the hosts and you control who you invite as your guests.

It is extremely rude of anyone to presume that their children ( or anyone else) is included in an invitation that is specifically addressed by name.

Your FBILis being a jerk.  Hopefully he will realize this and change his mind.

Post # 6
Member
598 posts
Busy bee

yeah, I don’t blame you for feeling the way you do. It’s your wedding in the end, your loved ones can get a babysitter for one night if they truly care for you… in my opinion. Good luck! 🙂

Edit: They’re 8 and 12 years old? They don’t even need a babysitter, what is the problem? 😛

Post # 7
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with PP wholeheartedly. No one should be forced to have children at their wedding. I hate that parents often assume everyone should be just as excited about their children as they are. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the company of children (heck, I think they’re a bundle of fun when appropriate). However, I’ve always viewed weddings as an adult event. It is extremely rude that they assumed kids were invited (when they weren’t on the invites), and even more rude to push to convince you to give in. I wouldn’t feel bad standing my ground at all.

Post # 8
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I hope that the brother changes his mind.We are inviting kids,but we are having a really small reception.Good luck.

Post # 9
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I agree with PPs. Stand your ground. Call each and every one of them and tell them they misunderstood who was invited and that you clearly did not include their children and they cannot be accommocated. Do not make a single excuse (space, money, etc.) because they can counter those. Just say it’s not possible.

If you want to be super nice, you can hire a sitter to watch the kids and feed them pizza in a hotel room.

Post # 10
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yea, I with the pp… 

And, what kind of gm is your fbil if he didn’t know about the no kids already. 

What he just wants to not be involved or know anything about the wedding, to just show up, and then tell you who to invite.  WOW.

I too will have an open bar and 30 a plate.  No way I’m paying for a kid to eat chicken nuggets and drink coolaid. 

I’ll be sure to put on the invite adults only tho.

 

But forget the kids…it’s about guest count.  You set your guest count and shouldn’t have to change it. 

Post # 11
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Your Future Brother-In-Law is acting like a total child. Stand your ground.

Post # 12
Member
4054 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Hm.  I agree that you should stand your ground but it is inevitable that family members at least will be upset with your decision.

My mother is still upset that myself and my brothers weren’t invited to my first cousin and his wife’s wedding ten years ago.  My parents genuinely had no choice but to decline the invite.  It was logistically impossible to get a babysitter for us (though I wont get into details right now).

If your Future Brother-In-Law chooses not to be involved in the wedding then that’s his decision.  It sucks, but he obviously feels he has no choice.  He’s only mad because he wants to attend his brothers wedding but feels he can’t.

You should not have to make allowances for him! It’s your wedding.

Post # 13
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I understand how you feel! My sister has 5 kids including her husband and no one to babysit her kids so basically I have to use one whole table for her and her family, and she has 3 under the age of 5 SIGH. I really wanted a kid-free wedding.

Post # 14
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

They’ll get over it. People who really want to be involved will be.

Post # 15
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I haven’t had that come up yet, and am crossing my fingers that no one tries it.  My one friend who asked totally understood – and he’s my BFF so I found a sitter for his kid so that they could travel together (he’s coming from VA to MI). 

If anyone else tries it, basically, I’d explain that “I’m really sorry we won’t be able to celebrate with you.  We were hoping that everyone would enjoy a night out without their children and be able to let loose and party with us.  If you aren’t able to we’ll really miss you but we understand.”  Who in a wedding party would want their kids there, anyway?  I never had fun at weddings as a kid.  And come to think of it, didn’t go to many until my Aunt got married and Grandma got re-married when I was 12.  Guess Mom and Dad did like to go out without us.  🙂

Post # 16
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We also are having an adult only reception (stated on the RSVP card as such).  We’ve hired a babysitter for my mother’s house and one for his monther’s house, so if anyone really has a problem getting a babysitter on their own, or are travelling, we have the babysitter taken care of.

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