No kids at wedding – is my mother being unreasonable?

posted 2 years ago in Guests
Post # 46
Member
13395 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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shanmia :  I just find it very hard to believe that there are such large numbers of people who are ignorant to the point that it justifies putting up what essentially amounts to a big Do Not Enter sign. I’ve been invited to many weddings and for all the talk of it here have personally never seen it on a single invitation. IMO it sends a less than gracious vibe. 

Post # 48
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

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weddingmaven :  For what it’s worth, I’ve had numerous invitations which have stated some variety of “no kids” on the invite. None of my friends with kids have ever been offended, in fact I ran the situation by those closest to me before the wedding, just to give them a heads up that it would be adults only, and I had a couple tell me that they preferred knowing up front rather than having to call to confirm. We didn’t have a website (I’ve only been to one wedding which did have one), so we had to include all pertinent information with the invite.

 I think etiquette traditions and norms change over time, and different regions and cultures have different ideas of what is acceptable. For example, I’m in the U.K. and it’s totally normal and expected to have evening-only guests here, but I know that’s taboo in other places. I know lots of people who have used one of the little poems about wanting cash instead of gifts, and other people who think they’re distasteful. I think if I’m invited to someone’s wedding, I’d think I’m obviously someone they care about, and I’d find it hard pushed to take offence at the wording in their invite. 

But hey, we’re all different, all we can do is go with what works for our own situation!

Post # 49
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2019

If it was a different venue then maybe, but you chose a venue that clearly states no children under 7. Your paying for the venue yourself so your mom really does not get a say in all of it. I’m sure your sister and mother were made aware of this for awhile and that’s our of your hands. It’s obviously that way for a reason. 

Post # 50
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - A historic Art Deco and French Renaissance Theatre

julies1949 – there must be a regional or generational difference between the two of us. But that’s ok! To each their own 🙂  May I ask where you are from?

Post # 51
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2018 - City, State

The venue says no … case closed imo

Post # 52
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Just now logging on after a few weeks and am catching up on comments. Letting your guests know that your venue doesn’t allow children under a certain age is most definitely NOT the same as naming a specific person who is not invited. It’s a far cry from saying “Billy Bob is invited but Mary Ann is not”. I also think it’s important to note that etiquette and what is considered “normal” can vary greatly in different regions, cultures, or age groups. Asserting that someone who isn’t familiar with a particular “rule” or protocol is uneducated in etiquette is quite rude itself. It comes across as haughty and condescending. That being said, where I am from I’ve never seen children addressed on an invitation. It might say, “Mr. & Mrs. Smith and family” to include the entire family, but they do not generally list children. This is probably a regional way of doing things, just a yours is as well. In any event, I will reiterate that I think letting people know in the beginning is better. It’s a rule of your venue. You aren’t deliberately singling out a specific child, which is quite different than the example that is given. 

Post # 53
Member
1753 posts
Buzzing bee

 

She is threatening bc she thinks you will cave. She isn’t going to just not go to your wedding over it. Call her bluff and tell her if that’s what she feels she needs to do that’s fine. Guarantee she will come anyways. She doesn’t come because of that? Well you’d have a battle of wills with her at some point that would have the same result anyways since that’s the kind of person she is. Better off knowing she doesn’t really care about you now than later on. 

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vegemitetoast :  

Post # 54
Member
1753 posts
Buzzing bee

 

If your mom is her way or no way you will most likely be fighting a battle at some point if you have kids yourself and she tries to mom them however she pleases with no regard to the rules you have for your kids. I have a feeling you might at some point have to have limited contact with her anyways in the future over boundary stomping. Might as well start standing up for yourself and your choices now. 

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vegemitetoast :  

Post # 55
Member
63 posts
Worker bee

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vegemitetoast :  i have a REALLY big family, and we wanted my neice and nephew in the wedding, but we also didnt want a ton of kids there, because A- it was too expensive to inviteEVERYONES kids, and B- we wanted our friends to stay and party with us, not leave to take thier kids home.

so our compromise was to invite our siblings kids, and we gave the option to wedding party and first cousins only from both sides to bring their kids if they wanted to, but no one else. 

i actually had two different info cards printed for our invitations, one that had a specific line about (nicely) “please leave your kids at home”, and the other omitted that line all together.

the majority of them opted not to because they also wanted to party and enjoy the night, i think we ended up with like 10 kids there? they played with each other and when they got grumpy, they had other family members come and pick them up or older family members who were in attendance take them home. 

it worked out really well for us.

and i will mention that the family and friends whose kids were not invited were all very aware of the arrangement we were doing, and no one complained or gave us a hard time about it at all.

Post # 56
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper

I will never understand why people kick up such a fuss over kid free weddings. Like I really don’t get it it makes no sense to be offended. Kids that young won’t remember. OP, any updates?

Post # 58
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper

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vegemitetoast :  I don’t get  it. Your sister was fine with it?! Why does your mom care?! I’m sorry this sounds stressful. I don’t think its a huge deal to make an event kid free. In fact I just went to a kid free wedding not too long ago! No one was pissed and it was a HUGE wedding. 

Post # 59
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper

Also isn’t it too late at this point to change venues even if you wanted yo? Try that approach, hey guys the venue says no and at this point I’ve already paid and told others. I finalized the booking bc sister was ok with it but now thered no backing out. Maybe that would help a bit?

Honestly they’re being unreasonable though. 

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