(Closed) No Kids at Wedding. When to notify?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

You don’t notify.  On the invitation you put the names of the people you invited, and on the response card (or website if no response card) you put the total number as the number invited.  For example, if you invite Aunt Betsy and Uncle Mike you put ______ of 2 on the response card.  If they try to bring their kids by writing in their kids names, then you politely make a phone call and explain the situation.  It is easier with a website because there is no place for them to write their kids in.  We used weddingtracker.com, and there website makes it so the invited guests only have enough spaces for people actually invited.  I had to relatives (one one each side) that skipped the online rsvp and called me becauses there was no space for their kids.  I politely explained that it was an adult only venue. 

Post # 4
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • V
  • 10 years ago

Oooh, that’s a tough one…is it a beach wedding? I’m thinking the people you’re inviting if they do decide to come.. might make it a family vacation…in that case ACT NOW! 

You can’t leave this for the last minute on the RSVPs…a destination wedding takes planning…flights, hotels, reservations….it would be definitely rude NOT to say something sooner.

Put a NOTE on your website…phone them…send a separate small card…unseal the STD and stick a note there…buying new envelopes might be cheaper than buying cards,envelopes, and postage for a separate note.

Good luck! 

Post # 5
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • V
  • 10 years ago

E-MAIL is a great idea!

Post # 6
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

 

Are the Save-The-Date Cards addressed already?  Maybe you could print new address labels for the impacted parties without too much cost or effort.  If it is addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Jones instead of The Jones Family, that would be more indicative of who will be invited.  I would also add a note to the website.  A separate card might be overkill, but a little word of mouth shouldn’t hurt.  In any event, I agree that waiting for RSVPs is probably too late.  I am also planning a destination wedding without kids and I know my friends and family will want as much notice as possible to make arrangements for the kiddies.  

Best of luck!

Post # 7
Member
228 posts
Helper bee

Call the people that would be affected as soon as possible, before they book tickets, and so they can make plans for childcare.

Caliocteach has a good point, but the OP is sending out Save-The-Date Cards, not invitations.  So just because the children’s names aren’t on the Save-The-Date Cards doesn’t mean that they aren’t invited.

Email or a note on the website might still leave some people unaware.  Calling will take longer, but it’s more personal, less likely to offend, and is the best way to make sure that everyone knows what’s going on.

Post # 8
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I would make sure you tell them soon, however you go about it. Because, honestly if it were me and I was invited to a destination wedding, I’d want to know weather my daughter was invited or not, because it would help make the decision on attending or not. Good Luck.

Post # 9
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I agree, the rules change with destination weddings. Many people try to make travel arrangements far in advance to get the best deals and may assume their kids are invited. Plus, if they choose to attend even without the kids, they still need to arrange childcare, etc. I would definitely call or send a mass email to those impacted letting them know – and you have a great excuse – it’s the venue’s decision, not yours!

Post # 10
Member
9 posts
Newbee

I will be getting married in January and I ran into a similar problem because we are having a small black-tie affair.

 I had my mom and Future Mother-In-Law take care of all of the sticky situations (we’re young enough were are friends do not have children). There were def. some hurt feelings but there were no exceptions made. Inviting children wwould increase the guest list from 65 to over 90. Plus, our reception theme is swanky dinner party with 6-courses of duck, lobster, filet etc. (not al all kid friendly-food) For those guests travelling from affar to come to our wedding we are offering passes to the local science museum during the day so the trip isn’t a total waste for the kids.

Also, it’s better to tell them now rather than later – some people purchased flights for their children before my mom could spread the word.

 

Best of luck!

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