(Closed) “No Kids? I totally understand… But can I bring mine?”

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Ooooh tough decision!  I think you need to stick to your guns and say no children.  It really isn’t fair to say no kids to other family members but allow your Future Sister-In-Law to bring hers.  Plus you don’t want them there…and neither does your Fiance.

Do you have other friends who won’t be invited to the wedding who could watch the children during the wedding?  Or even someone a friends knows?  For our wedding, we are thinking about having a babysitter in one of the hotel rooms who could watch the little ones during the reception.  Then your Future Mother-In-Law is happy because she gets to see her grandkids, but the kids aren’t at the wedding itself.

Post # 4
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think you should probably make an exception for your sister in law. If she is traveling so far for your wedding, it seems like a good time to make an exception. She probably won’t want to leave her baby at home if she is still breastfeeding, and I’m sure a baby that young will not cause any problems. Plus, he’s your new nephew!

Post # 5
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

 It’s a tough situation, especially if your SIL is nursing she might not be able to be away from her newborn for a long period of time. You should talk it over with your future Mother-In-Law and she what she suggests. Maybe she has a good friend or knows a trusted babysitter in your area that can watch the children during your reception. That way pretty much everyone would be happy.

Post # 6
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

You can’t expect your Future Sister-In-Law to leave a newborn that she is breast-feeding at home.  I wouldn’t leave a breast-feeding newborn with a babysitter I didn’t know either.  Since this is your Future Sister-In-Law,  I would make an exception (unless she and your Fiance aren’t really close and he doesn’t care if she comes).  I think a newborn is a much different situation than a 3 year-old, or even a 6 month-old.

Post # 7
Member
2681 posts
Sugar bee

If your SIL will be breastfeeding a brand new baby, I think you have to let her bring him.  Some babies dont take bottles well, especially new borns.  If you dont let her bring the baby, she might not come.  I would totally understand not wanting to be away from a new baby all night, especially with no one she knows to baby sit.

Post # 8
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Hmmm, tough call. If the SIL’s mother is available to babysit then I would tell her to leave the kids so she can cut loose and have some fun without the kids and the baby. Especially if you don’t want kids at the reception. If you allow her to bring her kids, other guests might get upset, especially those that had to make arrangements for their kids.

And you Future Mother-In-Law has no say about it. The wedding day is YOUR day, not some excuse for her to see her grandkids. If she wants to see them so bad, she can go visit on her own time.

Post # 9
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I would say yes to the baby she’s nursing, and no to the other kid.  BUT I think that if you have a no kids reception that you should provide a babysitter for them.  Sorry, but a nursing mother just can’t leave her baby with a sitter.  The mother will get uncomfortable, and the baby will be hungry (and not every baby takes bottles, nor does every BFing mom want to give their baby a bottle).  So really I see her point about the brand new nephew, but the other kid should go to a sitter.

Post # 11
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Could you suggest she bring her mom? To the hotel, I mean.Could that work?

There will be family kids at our wedding, and 2 FSILs will split cost of babysitter’s room between them to give them some free time during the evening. It’s only one extra plate for us to pay for, and the kids are looked after. This suits us grand, cos the kids are in wedding party anyway.

Post # 12
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Honestly I still don’t think that compromise will work unless the babysitter is somone your Future Sister-In-Law knows.  I wouldn’t leave a newborn with anyone other than close family.  I think other guests will understand that you made an exception given that this baby is you and your FI’s nephew, he’s breastfeeding, and mom is a long way from home.

Post # 13
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@dani0842 – I think that is the best compromise you can make, if you want to keep your “no children” rule standard for all guests, and still guarantee your Future Sister-In-Law will attend.  If you have at least 3 more newborns on their way in your family, you can’t really use the newborn/breast feeding exception for your Future Sister-In-Law when other guests are in the same boat.

Post # 14
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

My SIL was nursing when they traveled to my wedding and she said her biggest mistake was bringing the kids without bringing a nanny b/c she couldn’t just enjoy herself and spend time with us. Have your SIL bring a babysitter and duck out every once in a while to pump or breastfeed. Voila!

Post # 15
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

You really should make an exception for nursing infants.  I totally understand your situation; we have a “no kids” rule, but we will have 4-5 guests with nursing infants.

Option #1: You let SIL and the others who have nursing babies bring the babies.  I just went to a wedding with FOUR brand new babies and not ONE peep all night.  Those little babies all slept right through a very loud reception. 

Option #2: Maybe those who feel comfortable can have a trusted sitter stay nearby with the baby/kids.  Is your venue at/near a hotel?  One of my girlfriends is having her sister stay at our hotel in a room with the baby so that she and her husband can enjoy the wedding and she can still run back and forth to nurse.

Either way, I say stick to your guns about not letting the older kids come.  Newborns and nursing infants are kind of the exception, I feel.   

Post # 16
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

If I were you, I would leave it up to her. She should be the only one you make an exception for though. Tell her that you aren’t allowing children, but you understand her situtation and since she’s family she can do what works best for her. Tell her you understand it may be difficult to enjoy herself at the wedding if she has to tend tot eh baby the whole time (that’s why you weren’t allowing kids in the first place), so here is contact info for a nanny (or something like that).

If you put the ball in her court, no one can get mad at you for the decision she makes. And really, it’s the right thing to do. Just stress to her that your wishes were no kids so that your guests could enjoy themselves and you wanted to maintain an adult, sophisticated ambiance. Hopefully she’ll get the hint and do the right thing.

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