(Closed) No kids in the wedding… vent

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

We aren’t inviting any kids under 12 years old (and no ring bearer or flower girl) and we have had a few issues.  To the people who are calling, I would say something like “FI and I have been really looking forward to seeing you at the wedding, however, we understand if you aren’t able to make it.”  Short and sweet – to the point without leaving room for argument. I would think that most of the adults would end up coming.  If you start making exceptions, there will be even more problems later on.

 

 

Post # 4
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee

Same thing happened to us – in fact I ended up wishing we’d just invited kids because there weren’t that many of them and it would have been easier than having to be diplomatic with all the people who were asking! We ended up making some exceptions (which I didn’t like doing) to keep family happy and one couple decided to only come to the ceremony (which was fine), but yeah it was hard. I feel your pain!

Post # 5
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I understand what you’re saying, and I think it’s rude of them to ask as well – you didn’t just forget they had kids and that’s why you put two seats, and they should know that.  I have people asking if they can come that didn’t even get invites…i’m like – who does that??

Post # 6
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I hear you, and it’s exactly that predicament that led us to just inviting the 5 kids on our guest list. Probably only 4 will come and then 3 are in the wedding now. So whatever. We’re going to opt to pay for a babysitter at the resort and get them pizza/games/crayons etc. whilst the adults play.

Maybe that would be an option for you? Just trying to help.

Post # 7
Member
1739 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

mmmmm… well at the end is your and your Fiance decision. my cousin had an only adults wedding and yes there were some complaints but 90% of the people she invited went and it was a beautiful wedding. i dont see the issue, i have a daughter and i will not feel offended by somebody telling me i cant bring my daughter to the wedding (what right i have, they are the one paying for the wedding) in my case: we are getting married because of our 6yo and my wedding will be a backyard affair so kids will be welcome…

as i said, at the end is you decision and anybody can get a babysitter this days!!!

good luck

Post # 9
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Whatabout telling them they can bring their kids – and a babysitter – to hold up in a hotel nearby while they attend the ADULT ONLY wedding you are having. I wouldn’t feel bad, just remember who’s paying for this and who is getting married. You have the right to request no children.

Post # 10
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My Fiance and I were originally going to have an adults-only reception, but then when it started circulating through our families people started to get really upset about. So we decided that we’d rather keep people happy. AND our reception hall has a minimum requirement, so it’s actually cheaper for us to pay for kids plates than finding more adults to invite.

But you have to do what’s right for your wedding day. You will remember this day forever, and your guests will likely forget all about the issue in a few months. 

Post # 12
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You have every right to be upset…people should accept what is on the invitation!  This isn’t a quickly thrown together event, this is your wedding & since you’re (or your families) footing the bill, your guests should be gracious.  I would also definitely have your Fiance deal with his family (it’s his family so he probably knows how to smooth it over better, and it’s HIS family, so he should be the buffer between them & you, as you should be the buffer between your family & him), so it stresses you less. 

We have a related problem of an aunt wanting me to invite my deceased grandfather’s sisters, whom I’ve seen only once in the last 10 years (my grandfather’s funeral).  It’s not happening.  I’m not even inviting my living grandmother’s siblings (whom I see every year), so I don’t see why I should invite the others.

So sorry you’re dealing with this & hope it lightens up!

Post # 14
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

People don’t seem to understand that you can either choose to come, or not come, within the parameters given.  As a guest, you don’t get to dictate the parameters, or complain about them to the hosts (that’s what the rest of the guests are for!)  I find these posts (and you’re by no means the only one!) very frustrating because there are very few rules of etiquette for being a good guest, and this is one of the main ones.  Why can’t people just get it? 

So I completely feel you, even though I’m having a kid-friendly wedding.  Partly because the motif I want allows it easily, and partly because there are very few real children on my guest list.  I’ve found that the kid:adult ratio really matters a lot!  Out of curiosity, how many are you talking about? 

Post # 16
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@msqthoney: I’m sorry he’s reluctant, but, if I may share some suggestions, I would convey to him that this wedding planning is like marriage practice. In your marriage, there may be times that people outside of the marriage will feel it’s their place to tell you (the bride/wife, individually) that your (the couple, plurally) decision is wrong…tell him that, at those times, you’d like to know that your future husband has your back (as all spouses should when it comes to a jointly-made decision) & this is his opportunity to practice how he would handle that kind of situation.  Share with him that you see the wedding day as your first day as a married couple & you’d like the decisions  you both made about that day to be honored & you need his help NOW to ensure that.  If he can’t see the logic & validity of that, then perhaps he doesn’t understand how important this is to you or how much it’s stressing you out (and you shouldn’t take the brunt of the stress – that would be ungentlemanly Wink); maybe make that clearer.  Hopefully, your Fiance will come around after you’ve made all those points…I mean, you’re the love of his life! Laughing

(hugs) & hope it all works out.  Please keep us updated.

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