(Closed) No kids in the wedding… vent

posted 12 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I just went through this last week.  Man it sucks!  And it’s FI’s sister who is his only local family, so her not coming is a pretty big deal.  She says they can’t find a babysitter and that her daughter really wants to see me get married because she loves her new aunt so much.  Talk about a guilt trip!  But the way I see it is, that’s sweet and all, but when I was 8 years old, I didn’t get to go to night time weddings.  Didn’t matter who it was.  I was the kid and I stayed with the babysitter.  I still folded on the issue and told them they could come.  I’m still bitter about it if you can’t tell.

Wish I had some better advice for you, but its a really crappy situation and at least we can promise ourselves that we’ll never be those people!

Post # 19
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i had this same problem, and my Future Father-In-Law actually had me in tears over it. but im standing my ground – hes not paying so NO KIDS. sorry.

tears or no tears, whining or no whining, its YOUR wedding and do what you want. they dont HAVE to come you know….

Post # 20
Member
3340 posts
Sugar bee

I always love that excuse “I can’t get a babysitter!”  Really?  Really??  The wedding is (three, five, ten) months away and you’re telling me THIS FAR OUT you are UNABLE to find someone who wants to deal with your child THEN?  Such a cop out.  Those people need to be told that (three, five, ten) months is PLENTY of time to make arrangements IF it is important to them.  If it’s not that important to them, then why do you want them there anyway??

The whole “if my kids can’t come then I’m not coming” is emotional blackmail and the basest form of manipulation.  I truly despise people who use it.

In case you can’t tell, I’m on your side.  I think you should stick to your guns!  10-15 kids is A LOT and DOES cost a lot of money!  And they’ll all mess up your linens, ruin the centerpieces, maybe the cake, and their parents will end up leaving three hours early ANYWAY because their kids are whining to go home.  BECAUSE IT’S NOT A KID’S FUNCTION!!  Sigh.

Ironically, I allowed kids at my wedding, but I had an morning wedding.  And one pushed another in the pool.  And they colored on the linens with the crayons I provided for their coloring books, which they didn’t use.  They walked around to every table and blew out the candles in the centerpieces.  They were eyeing my cake until I told them all I would break any finger that touched that cake before me.  And I meant it.  And they knew it.  Thus the cake was safe.  But it was really a handful since their parents weren’t watching them (because for some reason they are the type of parents who think everyone ELSE will babysit their kids!).  And I only had six kids at my wedding!!  (Sorry to hijack the thread)

Post # 21
Member
282 posts
Helper bee

im not letting any kids at the wedding either. i just put it out there like i want you to have a great time and not worry about what your child is doing or having someone else watch your kids or let your kids run wild while you are trying to have a good time. we have had parties to where our friends with kids would ask one of our friends to watch there kids so that they can drink and dance which i thought was so rude! its like there your kids. and other friends kids would question why there parent was drinking and you have to sit back and ask yourself who is the parent? plus i dont want the kids to damage anything at the venue which would mean we would have to pay for the damages.

Post # 22
Member
598 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Man, do I hate this subject.  I had my vent myself.  My mom even told me how no one would go to my wedding because of how offended they would be that they could not bring their kids.  It’s one night!  Especially if it’s local, people who want to be there will respect and make their best efforts to go; the others, oh well, I guess our wedding will not be that important to them.  It’s been a huge headache for me and continues to be, but I am not going to give in.  It’s too much money, and kids don’t even remember nor appreciate wedding.  I would rather have other guests there. 

Post # 23
Member
3340 posts
Sugar bee

@verosara: The LOCAL people don’t want to go?  Oh come on!  They could all go in on a babysitter together if they wanted.  Kids don’t like weddings, they don’t even remember them.

Post # 24
Member
632 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am having an adult only reception as well. I have actually thought about doing 12 or 16 and older, not sure yet. How would you would you state that on the invitation?

Post # 28
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

we would have had to cut back our guest list loads to invite children to the wedding, and we decided not to. I’ve also been to weddings where i’ve sat down to half empty tables because the people with kids have left already, and it’s not great. 

So, we are only having ‘nursing infants’ and our 4 nieces and nephews at the wedding, and 2 of them are travelling from overseas to come, so couldn’t stay behind. My SIL’s parents are coming over too, and it’s mostly to help look after the grandkids I think! 

For our friends, the ones with children, I talked to them about it last summer, and they have all been hell yes, a weekend without the kids! and leaving them with their grandparents, who love to have them.

the only ones who have been a bit difficult have been some French friends whose children are around 10 and 8 – the kids don’t speak English, don’t know anyone else at the wedding, apart from their parents. I’ve never even met these children. they are not coming to the wedding!

However, I have made it very clear in the invite – it says ‘unfortunately because of limited space at [our venue] we aren’t able to invite children to our wedding (apart from our nieces and nephews and nursing infants)’

friends of ours used similar wording last year too. 

 

Post # 29
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Stick to your decision!!! It’s your budget, your day, your decision, they need to respect that. It’s not fair to you if you have to go threaten kids to get their fingers out of your cake or keep relighting candles and stuff like that. You don’t need that on your big day. I was at a wedding a couple of months ago, where kids were invited… It was really annoying! The kids got out on the dance floor and yanked on their parents and tried to get them to leave because the kids were bored and stuff. Stick to your decision, the parents will just have to get over it. I would think these parents would jump at the opportunity to dress up and spend the night out with their husband, watching two close friends/family members getting married! lol, try to spin it that way. 🙂

Post # 30
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I feel your pain, we have had people telling us a full six months before we set the date and booked the place that if their kids couldn’t come then they couldn’t come.  That they couldn’t find a babysitter this was in early 09 and we’re getting married in 2010.  That helped us decide, we are now having an adult only reception.  We would really love it if some people come but if they don’t hey i can’t force you to come and i’m still getting married. We absolutely refuse to be blackmailed. And do you ever notice that the ones that insist that their kids come are the ones with the most misbehaved kids ugh

Post # 31
Member
8375 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Well it is rude of them to call and ask to bring more people to a wedding, IMO!

Tell them tough noogies, get a babysitter. I mean, if you’re NOT going to go to a family wedding because you can’t put your kids up with a sitter (babies aside, let’s say), then you don’t want those people there anyways. 

Plus all those kids cost YOU money. And it’s not like people care about that; they just want their kids there. They don’t think about how it affects the people THROWING the darn wedding. And every parent thinks their child is angelic and perfect.

@msgthoney, I had someone do that too!!! She wanted to bring her daughter instead of her husband! her daughter was 18, though, so i said it was fine, just don’t let everyone else know! I didn’t know they had an 18 year old at home. She’d just graduated high school. She even came to the shower and brought me a separate gift! I think the mom felt bad about inviting her along, but i wasn’t concerned about an 18 year old, haha. I did have DH’s cousin ask to bring a friend instead of her brother (a swapping of seats since brother refused to come) and i didn’t even care about that. I was more concerned about little screaming babies and 5 year olds. They were more so extended family so I didn’t feel bad saying “no way!” to that. In fact, I never felt bad because we were paying for it, so if they didn’t want to come, fine, i’ll take my $$ and put it towards someone who DID want to come.

They can get over it. You don’t get invited to an adult’s dinner party as husband and wife, then ask if you can bring your kids, too. Bad manners!

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