(Closed) No kids. Period. Nil. Nadda. Nay. No way jose. Venting!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I completely understand the “We’re not in a “kids” stage of our lives and don’t even particularly like them right now” thing. Stand your ground lady! It sounds like she thinks she can just wear you down by bringing it up over and over and eventually, you’ll cave.

Post # 34
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@emilyrose114:  understood.  That is a long time to bug someone.  Saying it once should have been enough.  Maybe you should have your Fiance tell them to back off.  I wouldn’t want to hear about it for the next 3 months either

Post # 37
Member
982 posts
Busy bee

@emilyrose114:  How frustrating. Just tell her ‘I’m sorry, we’ve already been through this and we still cannot accommodate kids’. If you allow one person to bring their kids, then you can’t say no to anyone else! This is you and your FI’s day, the rules are clear – do not bend on this!

Post # 38
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

the only kid allowed at our wedding is our kid…granted its a Destination Wedding but it would have been the same if we had it in our hometown. Fiance both agree on this: we like our own kid but not everyone elses… but thats just us. def stand your ground! if she wanted to come bad enough she’d make it work. good luck!

Post # 39
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I had an adults only wedding, and the only exceptions were for my nieces and nephews.  If it is a friend, they can graciously decline your wedding invitation because they can’t secure child care (and we did have some friends that declined to attend our wedding because of this reason).  

But if the guests are family, it is a lot harder to make a choice not to attend the wedding, because there may potentially be repurcussions for long term relationships with the family.  But it is your wedding and your SIL should just decline gracefully if she is unable to find a suitable sitter.  

Post # 40
Member
4323 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

In my honest opinion, if she has said this to rub your nose in her discomfort in having her children excluded from the wedding, she’s playing a game. By you getting angry with her (or saying anything confrontational to her, for that matter) you are allowing her to win the game. 

Don’t let it even bother you. If it does, don’t show her it does. Just respond, “oh, you can’t make it? Don’t worry, we’ll have twice as much fun on your behalf,” or some such. Just enjoy the events leading up to your wedding, and don’t let her shennanigans get to you. 

There is a legitimate possibility that her finances don’t warrant babysitters, etc. Maybe her husband is working during the shower and can’t watch the kids? Maybe she was pushing hard to have kids at the wedding because they really are strapped for cash, and can’t afford baby sitters? You just don’t know. Try not to be too harsh with her, and live well in spite of her.

Post # 41
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

For our wedding, we had the live band, no sit down dinner, and open bar – same as you. And also said no kids — except my husband’s 3 year old daughter, who was present for the ceremony and half of the cocktail hour, and then was whisked away at 7pm. We had so many people try to pressure us into letting their kids come! (Apparently my husband’s aunt can’t leave her 14 year old alone.) And we also had close friends rent a hotel room and leave their 5 month old with grandparents overnight, because they appreciated the adults-only time.

My mantra: It is your party. You choose who to invite to your party. People can choose whether or not to attend your party. 

If people can’t come if they can’t bring their kids, they are entitled to that decision. Just as I am entitled to choose to not invite their kids.

Post # 42
Member
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

@Americano:  +1

You are invited to wedding events and that’s what it is… it’s an invitation, not a summons.

Perhaps she has to hire a sitter because her husband works anti-social hours and sleeps when he initially comes home? My Fiance does.

The bottom line is this: on the one hand, you are entitled to do whatever you want at your wedding. I also understand the frustration of trying to please unpleasable and difficult people, without success.

On the other hand, your wedding is just one day, not the be all and end all of your guests’ existence. If you make life impractical for them, then not all of them will be able to make it. They also have the right to refuse to come to any and all of your events, whether it is for practicality reasons, or on principle. What they do not have the right to do is to RSVP “yes” and then whine about it afterwards, although I do see her side as well.

Summary: she can’t come. Such is life. Tell her you’re sorry she can’t make it and leave it at that.

Post # 43
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@emilyrose114:  If she declined while there was free babysitting options available to her than maybe she is just using her kids as an excuse. maybe she just doesn’t want to go to your shower.

Post # 44
Member
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I totally agree with you we have past the children stage as my girls are grown women and last thing I want to see and hear is acting out or crying. Been there done that and never I repeat never did I bring my girls to a weddings, baby showers, and wedding showers. They stayed with my nana and played and did kid things.

Not having children at our ceremony or reception is a given because we are older and it is an evening wedding as well. Most of our friends have grown children and it is not something we even have to talk about, but I will put it on the invitations because there is always one proud grandparent who thinks their grandchild is the exception to the rule. 🙂

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