No-kids wedding; 3 month old

posted 9 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
1240 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Hard Pass!

I would politely decline.

If you are willing to go to the trouble of bringing your parents then I might be okay with that. But depending on the stage and what your baby is like it might not be possible to leave them for very long. 

A stranger watching my 3-month-old would be a HELL NO! Are some people fine with handing their infants over to anyone yes, I am not one of those people and I find it very odd. But I also don’t let strangers watch my dogs and they need way less care and attention than a 3-month-old.

If you left your infant with a stranger and something happened to them you would never forgive yourself!

Post # 17
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If your parents can’t watch the baby I would just stay home.  3 months old is way too young to leave with a stranger.

Post # 18
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Going to agree that if you’re nursing this may be too much for you. At three months my babe was still nursing every 2-3 hours. You’re going to have to find a space to pump. There’s also a likelihood your babe may not take a bottle at this point.

You’re going to be so consumed in motherhood at this point I think you’ll be glad if you skipped to be really honest. At three months you’re just simply exhausted. 

Post # 19
Member
4767 posts
Honey bee

I would absolutely hard pass on a wedding that required travel with only a three month old child who I would presumably still be nursing and would have to leave behind to attend.  Sucks, but oh well.  I simply wouldn’t do it.

Post # 20
Member
6340 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Decline 👎

Post # 21
Member
1240 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Have to agree with

View original reply
@cblank181:  my friends with 3-month-olds were not in, let’s drive three hours and make a weekend of a wedding mode. That was probably their worst nightmare. They were all about keeping a routine and figuring out what worked for the baby and how to be parents. At that point, they were thrilled to sleep and make it to the gym once a week and get a shower every few days. But who’s to say, maybe you will be down for a wedding.

Post # 22
Member
1911 posts
Buzzing bee

My baby never took a bottle so leaving him at 3 months would have been impossible. He absolutely refused all bottles. I always thought I’d be one of those people fine to leave my baby after he was born but I was wrong. I wouldn’t have left my 3 month old with a stranger. No way. I would probably trade off with your husband and split the time. Also if you are BFing, you’re going to need to pump every 2-3 hours while at the wedding if you aren’t feeding your baby. That’s far too much work for someone’s wedding for me.

I also had a kid free wedding but definitely accommodated for young babies. 

Post # 23
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Wouldn’t attend. I think people that say kid free wedding and then include tiny infants in that scenario are pretty rude to be honest. A 3month old requires no chair, no food, cannot walk, crawl or even sit up in their own. Would sleep in the pram to all the loud background noise and maybe go with mum for a few feeds in a quiet area. That’s it! Even if it cries it’s a little baby cry, not a toddler throwing a tantrum. Babies who are breastfed are often fully reliant on mother, some won’t take bottles, mum needs to worry about pumping or leaking or getting mastitis from long blocks of no feeding. It’s pretty rude and especially if they have family members children attending so it’s not just that they are adamant about child free for a reason.

I know that it might be nice to have a night out with husband but being so far from home this whole night sounds like a hassle. No way would I find a random sitter in a random town to hand my newborn over too. I felt strange handing my baby to my own mother at that age and I trust her 110%. If you realllly want to go then your parents staying nearby to babysit sounds like the best option and then you can head back to see baby if you need too. 

 

Post # 24
Member
7224 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

We had a (mostly) no kids wedding but that didn’t include babes in arms. Enforcing a rule that makes things harder on guests and then saying it’s “because you want them to be able to relax and have fun” is foolish.

I would decline and stay home. It sounds like entirely too much effort and hassle for a bride who made this unnecessarily difficult for you. That tells me your presence at her wedding isn’t critical for her.

Leaving your 3 month old baby with a stranger is ridiculous. I wouldn’t even consider it as a valid option- no matter what someone else plans to do.

Stay home. I bet you, on the day of, when you think about how you would be driving for hours with the baby strapped in and trying to nurse and dealing with leaking boobs and however much rest you got the night before (and in the previous 12 weeks of interrupted nights), you’ll say “Screw that wedding. I’m glad we’re staying home.”

Post # 25
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

Also keep in mind that some babies hate long car rides. Most will sleep, but some just scream. My baby screamed three hours straight on a long drive once!

Post # 26
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2021 - Concord, Ontario

Personally I would decline I don’t think I would leave a 3 month old baby with a sitter and enjoy myself at a wedding

Post # 27
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2020

View original reply
@emfaye:  I will be a ftm with a baby when my best friend from childhood gets married this summer and it is also child free. I declined bridesmaids and attending because of this. My parents live too far and I am not getting a stranger for a newborn so I declined. She was surprised I didn’t make “every sacrifice” but people who decide on child free need to realize that puts limits on parents 

Post # 28
Member
535 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@emfaye:  we left my son at that age with my Mother-In-Law for a night out for my husbands work Christmas party. It was fairly local, and she had recent infant experience from my nephew and a pack and play already at her house. Even with all that I was still super anxious to leave him. I wasn’t nursing or pumping so that did make it easier, we just left formula. My husband and I were SO exhausted by the time we got to the harbor for the dinner cruise we joked we could totally sleep in the car the entire time and skip the dinner. We somehow powered through, and it was a nice evening out, but we were way way too exhausted to enjoy it fully. I’m not sure I would have enjoyed a wedding, yet alone one that was 3 hour drive away. That drive alone in the early newborn stage sounds so hard! Depending on the type of birth you have you may still be healing by then (if a c section). I would consider it if your parents are willing, but I wouldn’t leave a baby that young with a stranger. Granted covid helped with this but we’ve never left our son with anyone other than my parents, in laws and daycare. I was / am crazy about safe sleep and would only leave my son with people who understood and practiced safe sleep as well. 

Post # 29
Member
535 posts
Busy bee

Another consideration – its recommended to take baby out of the car seat every two hours. So you’d need to find a place to stop, take baby out to change, feed and stretch before proceeding with the rest of your drive. 

If you’re formula feeding this all seems reasonable but not if you’re nursing / pumping it would be a hard pass. 

Post # 30
Member
720 posts
Busy bee

This question sounds super snarky however I ask it, but it’s not intended to be: Is this your first baby? Having a three month old is EXHAUSTING. You haven’t slept in 3 months. Your body is still physically recovering from giving birth (and if you’ve had a c-section, you’re probably still rather tender). There’s no knowing where you’ll be physically and emotionally… you could feel perfectly fine and desperate for a night out, or you could be going through some terrible colic partnered with postpartum depression. There’s really no predicting that. 

To be honest, the last thing I wanted to do when I was 3 months postpartum was leave my house, let alone get dolled up to dance the night away. Honestly, the best I could have done in your situation was attend the ceremony, but that’s A LOT of travel and hassle for just a ceremony. I think it’s lovely that your parents are a childcare option, but I think you’re going to find that a wedding is really not worth all the struggle and exhaustion you’re going to feel – not to mention the potential heartache you might experience spending that day away from your baby (those hormones are STRONG AF). 

It’s totally up to you, but I truly think you might regret accepting the invite. 

I know we’re not supposed to mention COVID, but your opinion on traveling, attending a large event, and having your parents fly to take care of your newborn might drastically change once you have a fragile newborn to worry about. Just something else you might want to think about. 

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