(Closed) No kids wedding — should I make an exception?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@CorvusCorax:  Should you make an exception?  No.  It’s either ALL kids, or NO kids.  You can’t tell everyone else to leave their kids at home, make arrangements for sitters, etc then have them show up to see other little ones there.  It’s rude.

If your Mom is paying then you may need to consider allowing children at the wedding.  But again, NO EXCEPTIONS!  No “well we’re really close to THESE kids but not THOSE kids.”  All or nothing.

For what it’s worth, we had kids at our wedding and wouldn’t have done a damn thing differently.  They were an absolute blast.  Cute as hell and we had a fanstastic time.  (I’m not trying to change your mind, to each their own… just saying, if your Mom is paying and you need to give in, it’s not the end of the world!).

Post # 4
Member
7760 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@CorvusCorax:  First point: why is this your mother’s business? Your brother should be talking to you about this, rather than having your mother as a go-between. (In fact, who knows, maybe your brother is ok with it and the only person with a problem is your mother).

Etiquette-wise, I think it’s ok to make an exception for nieces and nephews. Other guests with children understand that these are children who are close to the bride and groom. My personal opinion, if I was in your shoes, would be to invite them. In fact I did the exact thing – the only two children at my reception were DH’s nieces, then aged 2 and 1. But I adored them and couldn’t imagine them not being there, and had them in a few photos. (And it’s not just me, I’ve known other people to make exceptions for nieces and nephews).

But you are also entitled to say no. But the person to speak to is your brother, not your mother.

If the little girls are looking forward to the wedding, a compromise might be to let them come to the ceremony, and then picked up by someone (e.g. your brother’s in-laws) before the reception. I’ve seen this done a few times. You could tell your brother (and this is the truth) that the reception is an adult event, the kids probably will get bored, and they themselves can enjoy the night better without worrying about their kids.

Post # 6
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@CorvusCorax:  Call your brother and try to calmly discuss this matter with him.

 

I know when my sister and I have a disagreement, having Mom act as the middleman ALWAYS backfires.

 

Maybe they really want the kids to come along to the wedding.  Maybe they don’t see your point of view.  Maybe they don’t even know that this is even a hot issue for Mom…you just never know.

 

 

Post # 7
Member
8279 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Kids should be all or nothing IMO, with the exception of kids actually IN the wedding. I think it’s kind of rude to invite some and not others.

Post # 8
Member
3151 posts
Sugar bee

Stand strong. Your wedding should be how you want it and you should not have to bow to everyone’s demands. Additionally, it is not fair to exclude some children under 10 and include others (unless they are in your wedding party). 

Post # 9
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

No exceptions! No kids means no kids! You will end up offending those who had the common decency to follow the rule in the first place. You don’t want to tick off the people who are actually honoring your wishes by making acceptions for those who wont.

Post # 10
Member
7760 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@CorvusCorax:   “I’m sure they can hire a babysitter in Michigan for the evening

As a parent myself, let me say: many parents aren’t at all comfortable with hiring a stranger to mind their kids. Especially in a strange city where they can’t get references. If SIL was given the choice between maybe taking the child out the back and missing a bit, and leaving her kids with a sitter she doesn’t know, I bet she’d choose the former. (But ask them).

I think if they’re bringing their kids interstate for your wedding, it’s a bit rude to tell them to leave them with a sitter. I think you should make an exception for them.

Post # 12
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2013
Post # 13
Member
669 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think that when it comes to immediate family- it’s not only fair and appropriate to make an exception, but I think any friends or even extended family, for that matter, would understand.  They are your BROTHER’s kids.  Not just kids- they are immediate family. 

Post # 15
Member
7760 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@CorvusCorax:  I agree you can’t invite one sibling and not another.

Have you asked your Brother and SIL how the younger one manages at other weddings? Also she’ll be, what, 9 months older by then?

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